Post by Goldash on Jul 15, 2009 18:40:01 GMT -5
(DALLAS, TX): Whoever said that brothers need to stick together obviously haven't met the Joneses. At Popular Demand 2008, Cory Jones, previously known as CobrA, attacked older brother Scorpion after a loss to the winningest tag team of the URWL text-based era, Merle & Hog. The tension had been building for weeks, but in Los Angeles, Jones had enough of his underachieving brother and attacked him in a fit of jealous anger and rage.
After Episode 9 of URWL Wrestling, the sibling rivalry grew but shifted dramatically in the favor of older brother Scorpion. Intimidating Jones during a HighFlyer Title defense against Trent Tail, Scorpion not only distracted Cory from the recuperating Tail but ended up directly affecting the outcome of the match. The previously-undefeated-in-solo-competition Jones had been dealt his first defeat, courtesy of a dramatic Trent Tail cradle pin that set the audience ablaze in cheers. Suddenly, it was all over for Jones. The HighFlyer Title run. The longest title defense streak of the CAW era. The longest title reign of the CAW era. And an undefeated streak which started in Episode 2.
Jones was not done. Later in the evening, after Akina successfully defended his URWL Hardkore Title against Scorpion, Cory emerged from the crowd in a torrent of jeers, mercilessly attacking his older brother in his darkest hour. However, such an advantage was short-lived. Akina, who had previously vowed to assist Scorpion in the aftermath of ScorpbrA's breakup, sprinted down the entrance ramp and did just what he intended to do, attacking Jones and eventually setting up a double-team offense that brought Scorpion back on the side of the audience.
Episode 9 wasn't the way Cory Jones wanted to begin his "new" URWL career. But at the same time, Cory feels bigger and better things are in the cards.
I met Cory at his brand new million-dollar home in his new hometown of Dallas, Texas, and had the opportunity to discuss many issues surrounding the rising star, including his HighFlyer Title reign, his ill-fated Tag Team career, Popular Demand, Episode 9 and where his career may be heading in the future. Jones was more than willing to break his silence.
Goldash007: Let's flash back to the text-based days for a second. Scorpion, your brother, trains you and takes you under his wing in the URWL. He, a former URWL Champion, thinks highly of your talent and forms a tag team named ScorpbrA. Together, you win numerous URWL Tag Team Titles and acclaim all around the wrestling world. The text-based era closes. Both of you struggle to find independent bookings. Things begin to look bleak. You contemplate quitting the wrestling business altogether. In 2006, the CAW era begins, I re-hire you and place you and Scorpion together once more as a tag team. And then, in an effort to find your solo strengths, I book both of you in singles competition in-between major tag bouts. You win the vacant URWL HighFlyer Title in Episode 2 with a win over Victor Cordaro, while Scorpion struggles to find a consistent winning record. Is this when the wheels began to turn, so to speak?
Cory Jones: Yes and no, Goldash. I credit my brother with training me but that's all I can credit him for. After he trained me, I started seeing how other wrestlers operate in the ring. Before long, I began to realize that I couldn't be the hardcore garbage wrestler my brother was. I was born to excel in a professional wrestling ring, not in barbed wire matches, table matches or ladder matches. Yeah, I admit, I was hardcore throught my career as CobrA. I had to be. After all, I was "Scorp's Little Bro", a kid who the URWL booking staff thought had to be Scorpion 2.0 in order to put asses in seats. It worked, but didn't give me the high I needed. In the text era, I was written as a second banana while my brother, "Mr. URWL Champion and Longest Reigning Hardkore Champ In History", did all of the dirty work. The promos we had to cut as ScorpbrA were horrendous. Scorpion would be talking about our opponents' biggest flaws while I'd stand in the background and blurt lines like I had the I.Q. of a eighth grade skate punk. I was forced to say "dude" and "sick" and "gnarly" almost every episode. It was disgusting, but as long as I had the opportunity to be in the limelight every night, I didn't care. After all, when my time came to wrestle, I would outclass Scorpion night after night. As soon as he tagged me in, I'd demonstrate how much I'd learned from the people around me and how much his "hardcore garbage fighting" I had rejected. While Scorpion bashed people's heads in with garbage can lids, I'd show the wrestling world my finest bridged deathlocks. While Scorpion punched and chopped and bit and clawed at his opponents in the corner, I would pull off fluid hurricanranas and head scissor takedowns. I was becoming a wrestling textbook. He was becoming a wrestling shitfest. The text days were only the beginning, though, because as the CAW era started I was out to prove that I still had what it took to succeed. I upset Victor Cordaro in Episode 2 and quickly became the wrestler everyone talked about. Title defense after title defense, I continued to display my true wrestling abilities while Scorpion lost in what can only be considered some of the most awful matches in URWL history. Sure, I still had some faith in our tag team. But in my heart, I began to realize that I had to leave the world of hardcore behind and begin to transform myself into the single most talented wrestler...not entertainer...on the roster today.
Goldash: Scorpion, at this time, was involved in the Hardkore Title Tournament, and you decided to help him defeat Taurus in the semifinals, setting up a match between yourself and Taurus at Digital Mayhem. Do you regret ever helping your brother out?
Jones: Well, Goldash, looking back, that run-in was never meant to help Scorpion out, period.
Goldash: But you helped him advance to the Hardkore Title Tournament Finals that night!
Jones: Yeah, I know, but I had bigger fish to fry. People couldn't shut up about Taurus after he debuted, so I felt taking him out in that Hardkore Title Tourney match would stop his momentum and finally make the people realize how dominant I actually was with the belt. Besides, as you all know, Victor Cordaro had some plans of his own for Taurus, so I let him finish the newbie off as long as his attack granted me a title defense, which it did.
Goldash: ...the Kansas City Screwjob...so you and Cordaro were in on it all along...
Jones: ...screwjob, huh? Whatever. Call it what you will. It had everything to do with burying Taurus and wasn't designed to put Scorpion over in any way, so get that fucking thought out of your head.
Goldash: You must admit, though, Scorpion did put on a good showing against Akina that night. He surprised many people.
Jones: Goldash, that type of wrestling, as you now know, is not my cup of tea. The Hardkore Title Tournament Finals match has to be one of the most overrated matches of the year. My match with Taurus, asshole that he is, had a technical and strategic flow not seen in that Akina/Scorpion weaponfest.
Goldash: I think many viewers will have to disagree, Cory. Despite being loaded with weaponry, Akina and Scorpion both provided a well-balanced match with good technical wrestling and the high spots you'd see in a Freestyle Hardcore Match.
Jones: You're missing the point here. Akina doesn't need weapons to succeed in the URWL. He never had to stoop down to the level of the white-trash bipolar sadists that like that type of garbage. But he did. He had to whore himself out to the lowest common denominator. And that's why I never had respect for him. He's a great wrestler but has the brain the size of a pinhead. Who cares if he outwrestled Scorpion in the match or even brought out the best in Scorpion, because we all know that my brother is nothing special in the ring. He never was and he never, ever will be. So he tries to cover up his lack of God-given atheleticism and talent with weapons, blood packs and bladejobs. The URWL once said I was "Forever Hardcore". I'm here to say, Goldash, that I was NEVER hardcore, and will never BE hardcore.
Goldash: But...all of your weapons-laden matches over the years...why did you feel the need to even participate?
Jones: Because I had to do what I had to do. It's like working a job you hate. I just needed to find the right opportunity to get fired, to remove that ball and chain, and when I broke ScorpbrA up, I did just that. I never have to live in the shadow of Scorpion's white-trash hero legacy again. I now answer to a higher authority, bowing in the shadows of the all-time wrestling greats from a time where weaponry, blades and blood weren't needed to sustain an exciting wrestling match.
Goldash: So, what are you saying, exactly?
Jones: I'm saying I want to return wrestling to its roots. To the days of Verne Gagne, Gene Kinisky, Lou Thesz and Ilio DiPaolo. These men never needed a steel chair, a catch phrase, a gimmick. They performed night after night and amazed audiences with just how good they were. Wrestling doesn't need to be comlplicated in this modern era. It just needs to work.
Goldash: Do you think those legends would approve of what you have done?
Jones: I'm not quite sure, Goldash, but I know that they'll approve of what I'm planning to do. My mission is to restore wrestling to its roots in the URWL. My first step includes dismantling the so-called "Hardkore Division" piece by piece. At Discontent: The Recession, my goal is not only to win the trashy chainsaw belt called the Hardkore Title, but to retire it once and for all and end all trash wrestling in the URWL.
Goldash: Are you kidding me? You have no authority to do such a thing, Cory. I have the final say.
Jones: Goldash, will you have the final say when your "precious" three-dollar belt is lodged in a trash compactor? In this economy I doubt you'll be willing to replace it, so you'll have no choice but to remove the Hardkore Title from the URWL lexicon.
Goldash: I don't condone such an action, Cory, nor will I ever...
Jones: ...and one more thing, Goldash. You don't have final say over something like this. If I can convince the Board of Directors that hardcore wrestling is ruining the URWL, your opinion won't matter anymore.
Goldash: Well, we'll see about that.
Jones: Yeah, we'll see, all right. And one more thing, just so everyone's aware, you will never see me pick up or use a foreign object again. So I plan to wrestle this upcoming "Hardkore Title Match" against Akina and Scorpion at Discontent: The Recession without using weaponry. I will wrestle it as a normal match and prove that I don't need a weapon to incapacitate my opponents.
Goldash: Hey, whatever floats your boat. I'm not making you do anything in that match. Moving right along, Cory...
Jones: ...you'd better not make me do anything in that match...
Goldash: ...hmph. As I was going to say, Cory, Episode 9 wasn't your night by any means. Scorpion kept getting the upper hand, especially when it came to the first match of the night...
Jones: ...that's another thing! If you and the staff are so bent out of shape about the so-called "screwjob" Victor and I planned for Taurus at Digital Mayhem, why don't you investigate my brother's deliberate breaking of the rules? I should still have the HighFlyer Title around my waist and that thick-sideburned Canadian cokehead Tail, of all men, shouldn't be the one currently holding it. Where's my investigation, huh?
Goldash: What Scorpion did was perfectly legal. He did not intervene in any way in your title loss.
Jones: Don't shit me, Goldash. It was a cheap "win", if you can call it that, by a man who is way past his prime. If he didn't wave his arms around to "Na Na Na Na, Kiss Him Goodbye" at Digital Mayhem, Tail would be mopping up my bathroom floor because he'd be out of a job.
Goldash: Tail did nothing illegal. He won, fair and square, and he's the HighFlyer Champion. There will be no investigation.
Jones: ...shit. What a great boss you are. I bet all of the wrestling organizations in the world love how you push your talent around. My HighFlyer Title reign is the single reason why you still have a profitable business. Not because of any other factor. But since I'm such a nice guy, I'm going to move on with my life. Because being HighFlyer Champion only says so much. Unless you have platinum around your waist, you're small time. So after I'm done destroying Scorpion, Akina and hardcore wrestling in general, I'm going to prove to my colleagues, my superiors and my armies of loyal supporters that Cory Jones is URWL Championship material.
Goldash: Do you think, realistically, that you can defeat Jaime Emo?
Jones: Emo, !ntero, Stern, whoever. It doesn't matter who the champion is or who the champion will be. All that truly matters is that after I kill hardcore wrestling, I will officially claim the URWL Championship in the name of the greatest champions of all time. And my name will be etched in history alongside the all-time greats...just imagine...you're walking down a hallway in the Professional Wrestling Hall of Fame, surrounded by busts of legendary stars. Thesz, Kiniski, Gagne, DiPaolo, Sammartino, Flair...and next to them, in all of its glory, will sit the bust of Cory Jones. Mark my words, Goldash, I will not only hold the Platinum Belt but one day be heralded as one of the all-time great names in wrestling history.
Goldash: ...high hopes indeed. Good luck with all of that.
Jones: It's only a matter of time. I'm restoring wrestling to its roots.
Goldash: A few more questions for you, Cory. You recently moved from your hometown of Hamburg, New York, just outside of Buffalo, to this brand-new house in suburban Dallas. Your new hometown is one of the changes you seem to be promoting about yourself, but I have to ask...why Dallas?
Jones: Dallas is superior in every way to your hometown, Goldash. I called Buffalo home for nearly three decades of my life and, like many who have already moved away, it got to a point where it ate away at my soul. Nothing's good about Hamburg or Buffalo. I grew up in a working class family. My father worked at the nearby Ford plant in Woodlawn and was a big influence on my brother. He always told us to "remember where we came from". But I don't agree with that lifestyle. When you're a working-class lackey, you can't escape. It consumes you. That's what Buffalo was, a shithole full of drunks, losers and incompetents. They live in a depressed economy in Buffalo, and they always feel that life will get better through hard work. But nothing ever gets better. So Buffalonians cling to things...like sports teams. And you all know how laughable the sports teams are in Buffalo. Four straight years in the Super Bowl without a win...it's a pathetic "record" that embodies the town Buffalo really is. And that brings me back to my new hometown of Dallas. It is better than the working class environment of Buffalo. The weather is beautiful, the people are kind, respectful and don't believe in "drinking" as a hobby. Their sports teams have not only owned Buffalo's over the years, but continue to be some of the greatest organizations in sports today. After all, who defeated the Bills in their last two Super Bowl blunders? The Dallas Cowboys. And it was none other than the Dallas Stars, who beat the Buffalo Sabres in the 1999 Stanley Cup Finals, that the idiots in Buffalo still complain about to this day. No, it's not because we cheated. It's because Dallas is a classier, more professional city with a passion for triumph. And that's what attracted me to this city. I felt that I would enter a new phase of my life as a resident of Dallas, and this city's success has begun to rub off on me.
Goldash: Don't you think the people in Buffalo have had enough of all the media attacks about their economy, blue collar work ethic and sports teams?
Jones: Goldash, I'm only speaking the truth. If you had only one place to vacation, would you choose Buffalo over Dallas? I didn't think so.
Goldash: Cory, I and the people of Buffalo want it to succeed and make it through the tough times. Sports may be irrelevant to most major cities' complexions but I think we'd get a heightened sense of pride if we did win a major sports title...but that's beside the point...
Jones: ...just like Buffalo's beside the point. The sports teams in your hometown and in my brother's hometown reflect the region's mentality. You may love it despite its ugliness but it's just not meant to be.
Goldash: Do you think your backlash against Buffalo coincides with your backlash against Scorpion?
Jones: Goldash, I'm flattered you even asked. Of course it coincides! My brother lives and breathes the blue-collar work ethic Buffalonians love so much. He's Buffalo personified: mediocre to the core, trashy and an embarrassment. I was blessed with the talent and atheticism Scorpion wishes he had. I moved to Dallas because it's a city of winners. And when I'm URWL Champion, it'll be another missed opportunity for Buffalo and another triumph for the Great City of Dallas. Discontent: The Recession will just be another feather in my cap. And if, by some chance, my brother decides he's still jealous of me after I kill his pathetic style of wrestling once and for all, I'll have no problem facing him one-on-one afterward. Just don't expect a high-quality match from both ends. It'll be a fairly...lopsided affair. Kind of like the way the Cowboys always murder the Bills. Funny how life works, huh?
Cory Jones was, indeed, the changed man he said he was. What I had learned in our time together was that he was still bitter over his past career. His strong statements about Scorpion and his brand of hardcore wrestling proved that he is far from CobrA, he is something more. His arrogance and willingness to "bring wrestling back to its roots" were the exact opposites of what his brother's in-ring philosophy entailed. It seemed Cory's real mission was to be everything his brother was not. But was what Cory speaking of simply crazy talk by an arrogant loudmouth, or a crazy sign of things to come? Whatever it was, it was undeniable: CobrA's dead, and Cory Jones spits on his grave.
After Episode 9 of URWL Wrestling, the sibling rivalry grew but shifted dramatically in the favor of older brother Scorpion. Intimidating Jones during a HighFlyer Title defense against Trent Tail, Scorpion not only distracted Cory from the recuperating Tail but ended up directly affecting the outcome of the match. The previously-undefeated-in-solo-competition Jones had been dealt his first defeat, courtesy of a dramatic Trent Tail cradle pin that set the audience ablaze in cheers. Suddenly, it was all over for Jones. The HighFlyer Title run. The longest title defense streak of the CAW era. The longest title reign of the CAW era. And an undefeated streak which started in Episode 2.
Jones was not done. Later in the evening, after Akina successfully defended his URWL Hardkore Title against Scorpion, Cory emerged from the crowd in a torrent of jeers, mercilessly attacking his older brother in his darkest hour. However, such an advantage was short-lived. Akina, who had previously vowed to assist Scorpion in the aftermath of ScorpbrA's breakup, sprinted down the entrance ramp and did just what he intended to do, attacking Jones and eventually setting up a double-team offense that brought Scorpion back on the side of the audience.
Episode 9 wasn't the way Cory Jones wanted to begin his "new" URWL career. But at the same time, Cory feels bigger and better things are in the cards.
I met Cory at his brand new million-dollar home in his new hometown of Dallas, Texas, and had the opportunity to discuss many issues surrounding the rising star, including his HighFlyer Title reign, his ill-fated Tag Team career, Popular Demand, Episode 9 and where his career may be heading in the future. Jones was more than willing to break his silence.
Goldash007: Let's flash back to the text-based days for a second. Scorpion, your brother, trains you and takes you under his wing in the URWL. He, a former URWL Champion, thinks highly of your talent and forms a tag team named ScorpbrA. Together, you win numerous URWL Tag Team Titles and acclaim all around the wrestling world. The text-based era closes. Both of you struggle to find independent bookings. Things begin to look bleak. You contemplate quitting the wrestling business altogether. In 2006, the CAW era begins, I re-hire you and place you and Scorpion together once more as a tag team. And then, in an effort to find your solo strengths, I book both of you in singles competition in-between major tag bouts. You win the vacant URWL HighFlyer Title in Episode 2 with a win over Victor Cordaro, while Scorpion struggles to find a consistent winning record. Is this when the wheels began to turn, so to speak?
Cory Jones: Yes and no, Goldash. I credit my brother with training me but that's all I can credit him for. After he trained me, I started seeing how other wrestlers operate in the ring. Before long, I began to realize that I couldn't be the hardcore garbage wrestler my brother was. I was born to excel in a professional wrestling ring, not in barbed wire matches, table matches or ladder matches. Yeah, I admit, I was hardcore throught my career as CobrA. I had to be. After all, I was "Scorp's Little Bro", a kid who the URWL booking staff thought had to be Scorpion 2.0 in order to put asses in seats. It worked, but didn't give me the high I needed. In the text era, I was written as a second banana while my brother, "Mr. URWL Champion and Longest Reigning Hardkore Champ In History", did all of the dirty work. The promos we had to cut as ScorpbrA were horrendous. Scorpion would be talking about our opponents' biggest flaws while I'd stand in the background and blurt lines like I had the I.Q. of a eighth grade skate punk. I was forced to say "dude" and "sick" and "gnarly" almost every episode. It was disgusting, but as long as I had the opportunity to be in the limelight every night, I didn't care. After all, when my time came to wrestle, I would outclass Scorpion night after night. As soon as he tagged me in, I'd demonstrate how much I'd learned from the people around me and how much his "hardcore garbage fighting" I had rejected. While Scorpion bashed people's heads in with garbage can lids, I'd show the wrestling world my finest bridged deathlocks. While Scorpion punched and chopped and bit and clawed at his opponents in the corner, I would pull off fluid hurricanranas and head scissor takedowns. I was becoming a wrestling textbook. He was becoming a wrestling shitfest. The text days were only the beginning, though, because as the CAW era started I was out to prove that I still had what it took to succeed. I upset Victor Cordaro in Episode 2 and quickly became the wrestler everyone talked about. Title defense after title defense, I continued to display my true wrestling abilities while Scorpion lost in what can only be considered some of the most awful matches in URWL history. Sure, I still had some faith in our tag team. But in my heart, I began to realize that I had to leave the world of hardcore behind and begin to transform myself into the single most talented wrestler...not entertainer...on the roster today.
Goldash: Scorpion, at this time, was involved in the Hardkore Title Tournament, and you decided to help him defeat Taurus in the semifinals, setting up a match between yourself and Taurus at Digital Mayhem. Do you regret ever helping your brother out?
Jones: Well, Goldash, looking back, that run-in was never meant to help Scorpion out, period.
Goldash: But you helped him advance to the Hardkore Title Tournament Finals that night!
Jones: Yeah, I know, but I had bigger fish to fry. People couldn't shut up about Taurus after he debuted, so I felt taking him out in that Hardkore Title Tourney match would stop his momentum and finally make the people realize how dominant I actually was with the belt. Besides, as you all know, Victor Cordaro had some plans of his own for Taurus, so I let him finish the newbie off as long as his attack granted me a title defense, which it did.
Goldash: ...the Kansas City Screwjob...so you and Cordaro were in on it all along...
Jones: ...screwjob, huh? Whatever. Call it what you will. It had everything to do with burying Taurus and wasn't designed to put Scorpion over in any way, so get that fucking thought out of your head.
Goldash: You must admit, though, Scorpion did put on a good showing against Akina that night. He surprised many people.
Jones: Goldash, that type of wrestling, as you now know, is not my cup of tea. The Hardkore Title Tournament Finals match has to be one of the most overrated matches of the year. My match with Taurus, asshole that he is, had a technical and strategic flow not seen in that Akina/Scorpion weaponfest.
Goldash: I think many viewers will have to disagree, Cory. Despite being loaded with weaponry, Akina and Scorpion both provided a well-balanced match with good technical wrestling and the high spots you'd see in a Freestyle Hardcore Match.
Jones: You're missing the point here. Akina doesn't need weapons to succeed in the URWL. He never had to stoop down to the level of the white-trash bipolar sadists that like that type of garbage. But he did. He had to whore himself out to the lowest common denominator. And that's why I never had respect for him. He's a great wrestler but has the brain the size of a pinhead. Who cares if he outwrestled Scorpion in the match or even brought out the best in Scorpion, because we all know that my brother is nothing special in the ring. He never was and he never, ever will be. So he tries to cover up his lack of God-given atheleticism and talent with weapons, blood packs and bladejobs. The URWL once said I was "Forever Hardcore". I'm here to say, Goldash, that I was NEVER hardcore, and will never BE hardcore.
Goldash: But...all of your weapons-laden matches over the years...why did you feel the need to even participate?
Jones: Because I had to do what I had to do. It's like working a job you hate. I just needed to find the right opportunity to get fired, to remove that ball and chain, and when I broke ScorpbrA up, I did just that. I never have to live in the shadow of Scorpion's white-trash hero legacy again. I now answer to a higher authority, bowing in the shadows of the all-time wrestling greats from a time where weaponry, blades and blood weren't needed to sustain an exciting wrestling match.
Goldash: So, what are you saying, exactly?
Jones: I'm saying I want to return wrestling to its roots. To the days of Verne Gagne, Gene Kinisky, Lou Thesz and Ilio DiPaolo. These men never needed a steel chair, a catch phrase, a gimmick. They performed night after night and amazed audiences with just how good they were. Wrestling doesn't need to be comlplicated in this modern era. It just needs to work.
Goldash: Do you think those legends would approve of what you have done?
Jones: I'm not quite sure, Goldash, but I know that they'll approve of what I'm planning to do. My mission is to restore wrestling to its roots in the URWL. My first step includes dismantling the so-called "Hardkore Division" piece by piece. At Discontent: The Recession, my goal is not only to win the trashy chainsaw belt called the Hardkore Title, but to retire it once and for all and end all trash wrestling in the URWL.
Goldash: Are you kidding me? You have no authority to do such a thing, Cory. I have the final say.
Jones: Goldash, will you have the final say when your "precious" three-dollar belt is lodged in a trash compactor? In this economy I doubt you'll be willing to replace it, so you'll have no choice but to remove the Hardkore Title from the URWL lexicon.
Goldash: I don't condone such an action, Cory, nor will I ever...
Jones: ...and one more thing, Goldash. You don't have final say over something like this. If I can convince the Board of Directors that hardcore wrestling is ruining the URWL, your opinion won't matter anymore.
Goldash: Well, we'll see about that.
Jones: Yeah, we'll see, all right. And one more thing, just so everyone's aware, you will never see me pick up or use a foreign object again. So I plan to wrestle this upcoming "Hardkore Title Match" against Akina and Scorpion at Discontent: The Recession without using weaponry. I will wrestle it as a normal match and prove that I don't need a weapon to incapacitate my opponents.
Goldash: Hey, whatever floats your boat. I'm not making you do anything in that match. Moving right along, Cory...
Jones: ...you'd better not make me do anything in that match...
Goldash: ...hmph. As I was going to say, Cory, Episode 9 wasn't your night by any means. Scorpion kept getting the upper hand, especially when it came to the first match of the night...
Jones: ...that's another thing! If you and the staff are so bent out of shape about the so-called "screwjob" Victor and I planned for Taurus at Digital Mayhem, why don't you investigate my brother's deliberate breaking of the rules? I should still have the HighFlyer Title around my waist and that thick-sideburned Canadian cokehead Tail, of all men, shouldn't be the one currently holding it. Where's my investigation, huh?
Goldash: What Scorpion did was perfectly legal. He did not intervene in any way in your title loss.
Jones: Don't shit me, Goldash. It was a cheap "win", if you can call it that, by a man who is way past his prime. If he didn't wave his arms around to "Na Na Na Na, Kiss Him Goodbye" at Digital Mayhem, Tail would be mopping up my bathroom floor because he'd be out of a job.
Goldash: Tail did nothing illegal. He won, fair and square, and he's the HighFlyer Champion. There will be no investigation.
Jones: ...shit. What a great boss you are. I bet all of the wrestling organizations in the world love how you push your talent around. My HighFlyer Title reign is the single reason why you still have a profitable business. Not because of any other factor. But since I'm such a nice guy, I'm going to move on with my life. Because being HighFlyer Champion only says so much. Unless you have platinum around your waist, you're small time. So after I'm done destroying Scorpion, Akina and hardcore wrestling in general, I'm going to prove to my colleagues, my superiors and my armies of loyal supporters that Cory Jones is URWL Championship material.
Goldash: Do you think, realistically, that you can defeat Jaime Emo?
Jones: Emo, !ntero, Stern, whoever. It doesn't matter who the champion is or who the champion will be. All that truly matters is that after I kill hardcore wrestling, I will officially claim the URWL Championship in the name of the greatest champions of all time. And my name will be etched in history alongside the all-time greats...just imagine...you're walking down a hallway in the Professional Wrestling Hall of Fame, surrounded by busts of legendary stars. Thesz, Kiniski, Gagne, DiPaolo, Sammartino, Flair...and next to them, in all of its glory, will sit the bust of Cory Jones. Mark my words, Goldash, I will not only hold the Platinum Belt but one day be heralded as one of the all-time great names in wrestling history.
Goldash: ...high hopes indeed. Good luck with all of that.
Jones: It's only a matter of time. I'm restoring wrestling to its roots.
Goldash: A few more questions for you, Cory. You recently moved from your hometown of Hamburg, New York, just outside of Buffalo, to this brand-new house in suburban Dallas. Your new hometown is one of the changes you seem to be promoting about yourself, but I have to ask...why Dallas?
Jones: Dallas is superior in every way to your hometown, Goldash. I called Buffalo home for nearly three decades of my life and, like many who have already moved away, it got to a point where it ate away at my soul. Nothing's good about Hamburg or Buffalo. I grew up in a working class family. My father worked at the nearby Ford plant in Woodlawn and was a big influence on my brother. He always told us to "remember where we came from". But I don't agree with that lifestyle. When you're a working-class lackey, you can't escape. It consumes you. That's what Buffalo was, a shithole full of drunks, losers and incompetents. They live in a depressed economy in Buffalo, and they always feel that life will get better through hard work. But nothing ever gets better. So Buffalonians cling to things...like sports teams. And you all know how laughable the sports teams are in Buffalo. Four straight years in the Super Bowl without a win...it's a pathetic "record" that embodies the town Buffalo really is. And that brings me back to my new hometown of Dallas. It is better than the working class environment of Buffalo. The weather is beautiful, the people are kind, respectful and don't believe in "drinking" as a hobby. Their sports teams have not only owned Buffalo's over the years, but continue to be some of the greatest organizations in sports today. After all, who defeated the Bills in their last two Super Bowl blunders? The Dallas Cowboys. And it was none other than the Dallas Stars, who beat the Buffalo Sabres in the 1999 Stanley Cup Finals, that the idiots in Buffalo still complain about to this day. No, it's not because we cheated. It's because Dallas is a classier, more professional city with a passion for triumph. And that's what attracted me to this city. I felt that I would enter a new phase of my life as a resident of Dallas, and this city's success has begun to rub off on me.
Goldash: Don't you think the people in Buffalo have had enough of all the media attacks about their economy, blue collar work ethic and sports teams?
Jones: Goldash, I'm only speaking the truth. If you had only one place to vacation, would you choose Buffalo over Dallas? I didn't think so.
Goldash: Cory, I and the people of Buffalo want it to succeed and make it through the tough times. Sports may be irrelevant to most major cities' complexions but I think we'd get a heightened sense of pride if we did win a major sports title...but that's beside the point...
Jones: ...just like Buffalo's beside the point. The sports teams in your hometown and in my brother's hometown reflect the region's mentality. You may love it despite its ugliness but it's just not meant to be.
Goldash: Do you think your backlash against Buffalo coincides with your backlash against Scorpion?
Jones: Goldash, I'm flattered you even asked. Of course it coincides! My brother lives and breathes the blue-collar work ethic Buffalonians love so much. He's Buffalo personified: mediocre to the core, trashy and an embarrassment. I was blessed with the talent and atheticism Scorpion wishes he had. I moved to Dallas because it's a city of winners. And when I'm URWL Champion, it'll be another missed opportunity for Buffalo and another triumph for the Great City of Dallas. Discontent: The Recession will just be another feather in my cap. And if, by some chance, my brother decides he's still jealous of me after I kill his pathetic style of wrestling once and for all, I'll have no problem facing him one-on-one afterward. Just don't expect a high-quality match from both ends. It'll be a fairly...lopsided affair. Kind of like the way the Cowboys always murder the Bills. Funny how life works, huh?
Cory Jones was, indeed, the changed man he said he was. What I had learned in our time together was that he was still bitter over his past career. His strong statements about Scorpion and his brand of hardcore wrestling proved that he is far from CobrA, he is something more. His arrogance and willingness to "bring wrestling back to its roots" were the exact opposites of what his brother's in-ring philosophy entailed. It seemed Cory's real mission was to be everything his brother was not. But was what Cory speaking of simply crazy talk by an arrogant loudmouth, or a crazy sign of things to come? Whatever it was, it was undeniable: CobrA's dead, and Cory Jones spits on his grave.
