Post by Goldash on Jan 9, 2009 20:30:08 GMT -5
(CHICAGO, ILLINOIS): Sitting at a podium in front of thirty reporters, former URWL Tag Team Champion Shane B. Perkins, with a newfound focus in his eyes, started his press conference with three carefully chosen words that may echo in URWL arenas for months to come. "I did right."
Episode 8 of URWL Wrestling showed us that Perkins was looking to make a comeback after being sidelined over a year with a torn ACL suffered at the hands of !nterogative. At Popular Demand, Shane returned to a massive ovation, saving Barry White from an almost certain defeat. Perkins ran into the ring, taking out his injurer with knifing precision, stunning !nterogative and capping it with a ferocious head slam into the mat, perfect payback, it seemed, for the knee injury he suffered in Episode 3 as a result of !nterogative's sadistic assault. By taking out !nterogative, Shane set his mentor up for the victory, and Barry capitalized on the opportunity, powerbombing !nterogative and ending the match with his secondary finisher, the Lovebar. After White briefly celebrated with his retained URWL Internet Title, Shane B. Perkins slid into the ring, apparently looking to join his mentor in celebration. But such thoughts were short-lived, as Shane quickly landed a haymaker on his mentor and slammed Barry's head into the mat with the same force and tenacity he used to incapacitate !nterogative. Viewers and commentators alike sat stunned. What happened? What drove Shane to commit such an atrocity?
At his press conference, Perkins didn't pull any punches. "I had two orders of business on that night," he explained. "My first order of business? Taking out the man who took me out. Mission accomplished, right? Wrong. I still had one more thing to do. Take out the man who left me for dead."
The press room frantically erupted. Chaos ensued. Reporters tried blurting out the first words that came to mind. At his podium, Shane smirked, then shook his head in sarcastic laughter. He was wearing a black New Era White Sox cap that covered his newly cornrowed hair. "You guys don't get it, do you, huh?" The noise stopped. Perkins continued. "You guys don't see what I saw, what I lived. You don't see my side. Y'all see what you wanna see."
A portly, smarky reporter interrupted. "Shane, you committed career suicide! What the hell is your problem?" The press room erupted in cacophony once again. Perkins simply chuckled under his breath, then proceeded to shout in order to stop the chaos from ensuing. "EXCUSE ME?"
Silence. "Thank you." He continued. "Before I was so rudely interrupted by Eric Cartman over here...yeah, you, motherfucker, I can see through your goddamned shirt...I was going to talk about my true intentions. You see, I credit Barry White for reinventing my wrestling career, that's no lie. I was a scrub before I met Barry, a jobber. He saw some kind of potential in me, re-trained me and marketed me as the heir to his throne of greatness here in the URWL. He always told me that I'd be the first man to eclipse his record URWL Championship reigns. We were the Self-Proclaimed Icons. We were unstoppable. But things were changing. The URWL became the UNW, and before we knew it, the UNW closed. He wished me 'good luck' on my career and went into retirement. All I wanted was a mentor. He wasn't much of one...unless money was thrown in his face, then he'd get his fat ass up off the couch and come talk to me again. Fast forward to '06. I'm workin' independent. I get a phone call. It's Goldash007. He says, 'Shane, we're starting the UNW back up, except now we're going back to the URWL name and bringing some of our vets back.' I like the idea. I'm like, 'What do you have in mind for me?' And Goldash says, 'Well, Shane, you're going to be in a tag-team.' And I say, 'With who?', but somewhere in the back of my mind I know who it's going to be already. By the time he says 'Barry White', a lump forms in the back of my throat. Here's a guy who's been chillin' in Oahu for three years, doing absolutely nothing but gaining weight, who never returns my phone calls...and he's coming out of retirement so I can be his generic lackey once again. 'Well,' I responded, 'it'll be good to see Barry again'. I took the job."
Shane paused and took a swig from a water bottle on the podium. "The first event back, we met in the locker room, about to win the Tag Belts. We caught up. He apologized for not answering my phone calls. I accepted the apology. The good old days were back again. I had the best in the business mentoring me. After !nterogative injured Barry at Asphyxiation, I visited him nightly at the hospital. I wanted revenge on !nterogative. I wanted him to feel the pain Barry felt that night in Hamilton. Barry supported me...until !nterogative destroyed my fuckin' ACL. The praise, the phone calls, everything stopped. I couldn't walk a goddamn step. I was in a wheelchair for four months. My wife and my family feared for my career and my survival. But Barry? Barry was too busy for Shane B. Perkins, never visiting me at the hospital, never taking the time to ask how I'm doing, never taking the time to visit my house and have dinner...nothin'. I did everything for Barry White. I credit Barry White with making me the wrestler I am today. But unless money was waved in his face, unless Goldash or Vince paid him, Barry White did absolutely nothing for me. And that annoyed the hell outta me. He goes around thinking he's the biggest champion in URWL history, but he's no champion. He's no friend. He's no legend, he's no main eventer, hell, he ain't even URWL material. Barry White is a gold-digging whore, plain and fuckin' simple. Any of y'all wanna dispute that? Go 'head."
The press room erupted, once again, in a sea of cacophonous noise. Shane raised his head and pointed to a gentlemen holding a voice recorder in a white, striped dress shirt and dress slacks. "You over there, what's your dispute?"
The room gradually quieted as the reporter began to speak. "Shane, isn't it awfully selfish of you to assume that Barry White was never there for you?"
Shane responded with a smirk. "Selfish? Listen, kid, look at the situation from my perspective, all right? How would you like it if your best friend, who you grew up with, who you shared your ideas with, who you spent your precious money and time on, who you abided in and who you truly, truly cared for as if he was your own brother didn't care for you? You want to be a nice friend, but he's done fucked himself up too much and there's nothing you can do to help him. But you want to try your hardest to change that, to make amends...but you fail, miserably. Anger begins to brew. You feel deceived. What the hell do you want to do? Keep trying to fix your car after its already totaled? Or do you want to start a new chapter in your life and put the past behind you?"
"Well," the reporter answered, "Barry chose you to be his protege, Shane. You aren't some crazed fan trying to get his attention. Maybe he felt you could do better on your own."
Shane stared at the reporter for a few uneasy seconds, then shook his head. "You don't get it, asshole, you just don't get it. Barry White only acts like he does when money's around. This new generation of URWL fans don't want to see Barry White, they're tired of him. He ain't no fuckin' legend."
Another reporter chimed in from across the room. "But Shane, fans will always respect him win or lose. He's the face of the URWL."
Perkins, in disbelief, responded harshly. "The face of the URWL? That's a good one, man, really good. Why should the fans bother with Barry White when Jaime Emo puts on TEN TIMES the match that Barry White puts on? Why should they bother with Barry White when Akina absolutely kills his opponents in the ring? And most importantly, why should they bother with Barry White when they can see Shane B. Perkins back in the ring?"
The reporter in the striped dress shirt stood up once more. "If you're so sure Barry's a non-factor, then why bother with him in the first place? If his career was already dead before you intervened at Popular Demand, why bother wasting the effort by traveling to Los Angeles?"
Shane smiled. "Remember what I told you earlier? About my desire to make !nterogative suffer at Popular Demand as I suffered in Episode 3? It happened. That's only one piece of the puzzle. The second piece? Exposing Barry White as I know Barry White. I want to erase Barry White's legacy. I want to make the world see him as a fraud, a whore, a waste of time and effort. And the final piece? I want that URWL Internet Title around my waist. Because, after I destroy your name, your legacy and your reputation around the wrestling world...I want to be rewarded for it. With that Internet Title in my possession, I inch one step closer to immortality...and become more of a wrestler than Akina, Jaime Emo and even you, Barry White, will ever be. I will be the URWL's true legend. And all you will be, Barry White, is a bystander who helped me achieve my goal. No more fucking questions, I'll show you what I mean in Episode 9."
With that, the enraged former protege of Barry White left the podium, the damage done. Perkins has landed the first two punches in this young conflict. How Barry White will respond remains to be seen.
Episode 8 of URWL Wrestling showed us that Perkins was looking to make a comeback after being sidelined over a year with a torn ACL suffered at the hands of !nterogative. At Popular Demand, Shane returned to a massive ovation, saving Barry White from an almost certain defeat. Perkins ran into the ring, taking out his injurer with knifing precision, stunning !nterogative and capping it with a ferocious head slam into the mat, perfect payback, it seemed, for the knee injury he suffered in Episode 3 as a result of !nterogative's sadistic assault. By taking out !nterogative, Shane set his mentor up for the victory, and Barry capitalized on the opportunity, powerbombing !nterogative and ending the match with his secondary finisher, the Lovebar. After White briefly celebrated with his retained URWL Internet Title, Shane B. Perkins slid into the ring, apparently looking to join his mentor in celebration. But such thoughts were short-lived, as Shane quickly landed a haymaker on his mentor and slammed Barry's head into the mat with the same force and tenacity he used to incapacitate !nterogative. Viewers and commentators alike sat stunned. What happened? What drove Shane to commit such an atrocity?
At his press conference, Perkins didn't pull any punches. "I had two orders of business on that night," he explained. "My first order of business? Taking out the man who took me out. Mission accomplished, right? Wrong. I still had one more thing to do. Take out the man who left me for dead."
The press room frantically erupted. Chaos ensued. Reporters tried blurting out the first words that came to mind. At his podium, Shane smirked, then shook his head in sarcastic laughter. He was wearing a black New Era White Sox cap that covered his newly cornrowed hair. "You guys don't get it, do you, huh?" The noise stopped. Perkins continued. "You guys don't see what I saw, what I lived. You don't see my side. Y'all see what you wanna see."
A portly, smarky reporter interrupted. "Shane, you committed career suicide! What the hell is your problem?" The press room erupted in cacophony once again. Perkins simply chuckled under his breath, then proceeded to shout in order to stop the chaos from ensuing. "EXCUSE ME?"
Silence. "Thank you." He continued. "Before I was so rudely interrupted by Eric Cartman over here...yeah, you, motherfucker, I can see through your goddamned shirt...I was going to talk about my true intentions. You see, I credit Barry White for reinventing my wrestling career, that's no lie. I was a scrub before I met Barry, a jobber. He saw some kind of potential in me, re-trained me and marketed me as the heir to his throne of greatness here in the URWL. He always told me that I'd be the first man to eclipse his record URWL Championship reigns. We were the Self-Proclaimed Icons. We were unstoppable. But things were changing. The URWL became the UNW, and before we knew it, the UNW closed. He wished me 'good luck' on my career and went into retirement. All I wanted was a mentor. He wasn't much of one...unless money was thrown in his face, then he'd get his fat ass up off the couch and come talk to me again. Fast forward to '06. I'm workin' independent. I get a phone call. It's Goldash007. He says, 'Shane, we're starting the UNW back up, except now we're going back to the URWL name and bringing some of our vets back.' I like the idea. I'm like, 'What do you have in mind for me?' And Goldash says, 'Well, Shane, you're going to be in a tag-team.' And I say, 'With who?', but somewhere in the back of my mind I know who it's going to be already. By the time he says 'Barry White', a lump forms in the back of my throat. Here's a guy who's been chillin' in Oahu for three years, doing absolutely nothing but gaining weight, who never returns my phone calls...and he's coming out of retirement so I can be his generic lackey once again. 'Well,' I responded, 'it'll be good to see Barry again'. I took the job."
Shane paused and took a swig from a water bottle on the podium. "The first event back, we met in the locker room, about to win the Tag Belts. We caught up. He apologized for not answering my phone calls. I accepted the apology. The good old days were back again. I had the best in the business mentoring me. After !nterogative injured Barry at Asphyxiation, I visited him nightly at the hospital. I wanted revenge on !nterogative. I wanted him to feel the pain Barry felt that night in Hamilton. Barry supported me...until !nterogative destroyed my fuckin' ACL. The praise, the phone calls, everything stopped. I couldn't walk a goddamn step. I was in a wheelchair for four months. My wife and my family feared for my career and my survival. But Barry? Barry was too busy for Shane B. Perkins, never visiting me at the hospital, never taking the time to ask how I'm doing, never taking the time to visit my house and have dinner...nothin'. I did everything for Barry White. I credit Barry White with making me the wrestler I am today. But unless money was waved in his face, unless Goldash or Vince paid him, Barry White did absolutely nothing for me. And that annoyed the hell outta me. He goes around thinking he's the biggest champion in URWL history, but he's no champion. He's no friend. He's no legend, he's no main eventer, hell, he ain't even URWL material. Barry White is a gold-digging whore, plain and fuckin' simple. Any of y'all wanna dispute that? Go 'head."
The press room erupted, once again, in a sea of cacophonous noise. Shane raised his head and pointed to a gentlemen holding a voice recorder in a white, striped dress shirt and dress slacks. "You over there, what's your dispute?"
The room gradually quieted as the reporter began to speak. "Shane, isn't it awfully selfish of you to assume that Barry White was never there for you?"
Shane responded with a smirk. "Selfish? Listen, kid, look at the situation from my perspective, all right? How would you like it if your best friend, who you grew up with, who you shared your ideas with, who you spent your precious money and time on, who you abided in and who you truly, truly cared for as if he was your own brother didn't care for you? You want to be a nice friend, but he's done fucked himself up too much and there's nothing you can do to help him. But you want to try your hardest to change that, to make amends...but you fail, miserably. Anger begins to brew. You feel deceived. What the hell do you want to do? Keep trying to fix your car after its already totaled? Or do you want to start a new chapter in your life and put the past behind you?"
"Well," the reporter answered, "Barry chose you to be his protege, Shane. You aren't some crazed fan trying to get his attention. Maybe he felt you could do better on your own."
Shane stared at the reporter for a few uneasy seconds, then shook his head. "You don't get it, asshole, you just don't get it. Barry White only acts like he does when money's around. This new generation of URWL fans don't want to see Barry White, they're tired of him. He ain't no fuckin' legend."
Another reporter chimed in from across the room. "But Shane, fans will always respect him win or lose. He's the face of the URWL."
Perkins, in disbelief, responded harshly. "The face of the URWL? That's a good one, man, really good. Why should the fans bother with Barry White when Jaime Emo puts on TEN TIMES the match that Barry White puts on? Why should they bother with Barry White when Akina absolutely kills his opponents in the ring? And most importantly, why should they bother with Barry White when they can see Shane B. Perkins back in the ring?"
The reporter in the striped dress shirt stood up once more. "If you're so sure Barry's a non-factor, then why bother with him in the first place? If his career was already dead before you intervened at Popular Demand, why bother wasting the effort by traveling to Los Angeles?"
Shane smiled. "Remember what I told you earlier? About my desire to make !nterogative suffer at Popular Demand as I suffered in Episode 3? It happened. That's only one piece of the puzzle. The second piece? Exposing Barry White as I know Barry White. I want to erase Barry White's legacy. I want to make the world see him as a fraud, a whore, a waste of time and effort. And the final piece? I want that URWL Internet Title around my waist. Because, after I destroy your name, your legacy and your reputation around the wrestling world...I want to be rewarded for it. With that Internet Title in my possession, I inch one step closer to immortality...and become more of a wrestler than Akina, Jaime Emo and even you, Barry White, will ever be. I will be the URWL's true legend. And all you will be, Barry White, is a bystander who helped me achieve my goal. No more fucking questions, I'll show you what I mean in Episode 9."
With that, the enraged former protege of Barry White left the podium, the damage done. Perkins has landed the first two punches in this young conflict. How Barry White will respond remains to be seen.
