Post by Goldash on Oct 5, 2012 16:15:17 GMT -5
This is the next episode of HighStakes after the February 14th show I recently posted. Between this show, my NickZ character left "Team Regime" and turned face and proceeded to fire controversial color commentator Shaun Andrews, replacing him with then-retired Merle Haggard, Junior. Meanwhile, VinceNeil1981/Carkus2000 finds a way to deal with last week's "Shoking" events...
LIVE on REVOLUTION STUDIOS' STV
From the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul, Minnesota
Segment 1: Here We Go Again...
(The scene fades in. We are in the Xcel Energy Center's underground parking garage, which is loaded with cars on both the left and right sides of the lot. There is a vertical ramp on the far horizon that leads right into the garage. Suddenly, we hear a car's engine. Instantly after the car's engine is heard, a black Lincoln limousine pulls into the garage. It drives slowly, looking for a spot to pull into. The windows are tinted pitch black, though we see through the glass of the windshield. A middle-aged chauffeur is driving. He turns his head to the left and to the right, looking hastily for a good place to park. He, seeing no spaces, stops the limo in the middle of the garage. He stops the engine and puts the car in park. The chauffeur gets out of the car and moves around to the car's anterior. The camera follows him. He opens the door and waits. After a few seconds, two masked men step out of the car. One looks muscular, the other built. The muscular man gives the driver a 20 dollar tip. The driver gets into the car and the limo speeds away. The two masked men, who wear black masks, black shirts, black gloves, black pants, and black shoes, step into the arena's entrance. The cameraman, however, is not so lucky, and gets the door marked "ARENA ENTRANCE" shut on him. Fortunately, we have another cameraman in the hallway, who we cut to right after the door closes. The cameraman follows the two masked men down hallways. We pass some wrestlers as they run away, thinking they are The Shok. The masked men, not being able to see the wrestlers, do not even turn their heads to the sound. They just keep on walking, and even the style they walk tells us 'these guys aren't The Shok'. The two masked men turn a corner, walk down another hallway, and walk into a door marked CARKUS2000. They shut the door, once again, this time on the new cameraman as they enter Carkus's office and we cut to the introduction.)
Segment 2:Introduction
I've Got The Key To Gramercy Park,
Where It's Safe To Be Afraid Of The Dark
After That We Can F*** By The Heavenly Stars
But I Might, Might Miss Breaking In Through The Bars
("The Key To Gramercy Park" by Deadsy resonates throughout the nearly sold-out Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul, Minnesota as the thousands of fans cheer loudly and chant "U-N-DUB!" "U-N-DUB!", just like before every UNW event. The rotating aerial camera rig, which soars above the set, the ring, and the fans, starts to pan around the crowd and we see several fans, cheering, chanting, ranting, raving, pumping their fists, and cheering. We see fans in the stands that wear Salvatore's "PURE ITALIAN" T-Shirt, Newton's "Logo" T-Shirt, and the brand-new "!NDESTRUCTIBLE" T-Shirt from Interogative. As we pan, we see several signs made by fans, which include the following and more:)
GOD'S MACHINE = RATINGS
We Want Shaun Back!
I Wish Sakuraba Was In The UNW!
ST. PAUL IS REGIME COUNTRY!
(It's good that I live in Minneapolis)
(As we stop the panning of the arena, we cut to the two announcers, now Kurt Ross and Merle Haggard Jr., who are sitting in the booth. Kurt Ross wears his standard UNW polo shirt, while Merle Haggard Jr. wears a leather jacket and his trademark cowboy hat.)
Kurt Ross - WE ARE ONLY 48 HOURS AWAY FROM DESTRUCTION! UNW Love & Hate 2003 is only two days away, this Sunday on Pay-Per-View, and Barry White collides with Dynamite Newton for the UNW Championship! Well, forget about the future, let's focus in on the present. THIS IS UNW HIGHSTAKES! I'm Kurt Ross along with "The Poet Of The Common Man", Merle Haggard Jr. and we're live from St. Paul, Minnesota!!
Merle Haggard Jr. - Wow. It's great being here, Kurt. At least we have relief here on HighStakes. Shaun Andrews is gone and I have replaced him. The UNW is now a better place. I, if you didn't hear Kurt, am the Poet of the Common Man himself, Merle Haggard Junior. I'm happy to be here, announcing, after my ilustrious career in this business ended.
Kurt Ross - Well, Merle, the big question has to be...what do you think of the Newton vs. Barry White matchup on Love & Hate this Sunday?
Merle Haggard Jr. - I think, Kurt, that the winner will be Dynamite Newton, hands down. Barry White ain't gettin' any younger. Expect Dynamite to come out of Buffalo this Sunday with his 20th win in a row.
Kurt Ross - Wow. A conversation without being harrassed. Thank you, Merle.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Well, Kurt, Shaun Andrews and I are almost alike, but I'm a little less insane. So, still, expect to be harassed. Just not after every sentence.
Kurt Ross - I appreciate that.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Anyway, Kurt, I love young talent more than Shaun did. And it looks like "God's Machine" Nick Benoit will debut tonight. I can't wait.
Kurt Ross - I know, Merle, and the way this youngster was being interviewed the other day, it looked like he was the second coming of LeBron James.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Haha, yes, I believe that he IS the "LeBron James" of the UNW, Kurt. Tonight, we'll see how he proves his wrestling skills in the UNW.
Kurt Ross - Merle, also, I'd like your thoughts on a situation with a very gifted youngster gone to waste. Jaime Emo.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Let me tell you something, fans, Jaime Emo is still in very critical condition, and God only knows when he'll come out of his coma. I still thinks he's got his skills in him, so we can still expect those amazing springboard splashes that he can do. Maybe, when he comes back, he'll capture the UNW Championship. You never know, Kurt.
Kurt Ross - Our thoughts and prayers go out to Jaime Emo and his family tonight, and we hope he pulls through after this run-in with death.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Jaime's been in this coma for a week already, let's hope he goes out of it soon.
Kurt Ross - We have to see what has happens tonight, though, because this is gonna be an excellent event. Let's go to the ring right now for THE DEBUT OF...NICK BENOIT!!!
Match 1:"GOD'S MACHINE" NICK BENOIT vs. chAos (UNW Rookie Title On The Line)
Writing Credit:Justin Ballard
(The crowd grows quiet and "Body Crumbles" by Dry Cell hits the P.A. and the crowd grows from quiet to on their feet cheering in a matter of seconds. As the crowd roars it's approval, Chaos comes out from the back with the Rookie title strapped around his waist His blonde hair is slicked back and he is wearing a white, sweat-stained tanktop and cut-off denim shorts. He appears on the stage, and slowly raises one arm up. A blast of fireworks comes out from behind him. He then raises his other arm up slowly and another blast happens from behind him. He holds his arms in the air for a few seconds, then lets them go and the pyrotechnics stop from behind him. He then looks into the camera and trashtalks about his upcoming match into the camera.)
Chaos - Nick Benoit.. I'm going to beat the crap out of you, son...and your crackhead pal too, haha!!!
(The camera follows him, walking down the ramp, then into the aisleway. He finally goes up the steel steps, and goes into the ring. He poses to the fans by pointing and talking trash some more. We now go to Andy Mace, the UNW Ring Announcer.)
Andy Mace - This match is a scheduled one fall contest, and it is for the UNW Rookie title. Introducing first, the UNW Rookie Champion, from Landover, Maryland, weighing in at 214 pounds, CHAOS!!!
Kurt Ross - Well, Merle, tonight we have this match between two relative newcomers, Nick Benoit and Chaos. and it's for the Rookie title. What do you know about Nick Benoit, Merle?
Merle Haggard Jr. - Well, Kurt, I know that Nick really isn't a rookie, except for here in the UNW. See, he's been around the block a little bit and has won a few titles, the kid is a multiple time world champeen, and he's also what we like to call a Bar Room Buddy. I've seen him one time do this DDT from the top of a ladder.
Kurt Ross - Yeah, Nick Benoit is touted as a master of the DDT, but will he be able to use it on Chaos tonight?
Merle Haggard Jr - I don't rightly know Kurt, after all, Chaos ain't no lame bull now. He can go with duh best of 'em. We're gonna have us a knock down drag out rodeo, I can tell you that.
(The crowd cheers a little more as Chaos poses in the ring. "Body Crumbles" fades out. Then, the lights dim and some missile-style pyros go off. "When Worlds Collide" by Powerman 5000 starts to play and the crowd stops cheering somewhat and gives a mixed reaction. The lights flare back up and Nick Benoit comes out. He's followed by his manager Benny The Cameraman, who is operating a small camera. The feed goes to this camera and it's got a little caption in the corner entitles "Nickolyte Vision". He closes up on Nick's face, and then pans the crowd. The feed then cuts back to the regular UNW Cameras, and as Nick and Benny walk to the ring, we go back to Andy Mace.)
Andy Mace - Ladies and Gentlemen, the challenger, coming to the ring at this time, weighing in at 220 pounds, from Chicago, Illinois, accompanied to the ring by his manager, Benny The Cameraman, here is "God's Machine", NICK BENOIT!!!
Merle Haggard Jr. - See, Kurt? Now how can you not like a guy named "God's Machine", huh?
Kurt Ross - Well, let's just see how he does in the ring tonight.
(The referee has instructed both men and we are ready to get going, but Nick Benoit motions for Chaos to shake hands in the center of the ring.)
Kurt Ross - Wow..that's...
Merle Haggard Jr. - Sportsmanship.
Kurt Ross - Yeah.. I guess...Chaos is going to shake...
(When Chaos puts his hand out, Nick steps back and does a Shawn Michaels-style superkick to the face of Chaos. Chaos drops to the mat and Nick takes the opportunity to taunt him.)
Kurt Ross - Yeah...sportsmanship...RIGHT!
Merle Haggard Jr. - Forget about sportsmanship, Kurt, did you see that kick? Great impact.
(Nick picks up Chaos and sets him up for a suplex, but when Nick tries to pick him up, Chaos nails him with a low blow. Chaos then picks Nick up and gives him an atomic drop. when Nick Benoit falls to the ground, Chaos picks him up and puts him in a sleeper. Chaos is talking trash in Nick's ear.)
Kurt Ross - Boy, after that kick, Chaos has reallly come to life here. But, I have to say that that trashtalking has to be embarassing for the newcomer.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Yeah, he's doing a number on ol' Nick there...and all that stuff he's talking ain't about a barbeque at his house this weekend, I'll tell you that!
(After a while, Nick elbows out of the sleeper and whips Chaos into the ropes. Chaos comes back, only to be met by a vicious clothesline.)
Kurt Ross - Excellent execution by Nick Benoit!!!
Merle Haggard Jr. - He damn near took his head off! Wait, Kurt, look over there...he's even posing for the crowd.
(A sharp elbowdrop by Nick Benoit stuns Chaos. Nick Benoit turns Chaos over...and he straps an Ankle Lock on Chaos.)
Kurt Ross - Is Chaos gonna tap out?
Merle Haggard Jr. - He just might...
(Chaos moves forward and reaches the ropes...but Nick drags him back to the middle of the ring. Chaos stands up.)
Merle Haggard Jr. - Nick's about to put Chaos away!!!
(Nick turns Chaos around and whips him into the corner, then charges in after him, and then Benoit connects with a clothesline. Benoit then whips Chaos into the far corner.. and hits another clothesline... and now he backs up and delivers a huge kick to the face just like the other one before. THWACK! The sound echoes throughout the Xcel Energy Center and it looks like Chaos is busted open.)
Kurt Ross - And now, it looks like Nick is saying that the match is over, he's calling for his finisher, the Last Rites!!!
(Nick Benoit calls for the finisher and then he puts Chaos on the top turnbuckle. He climbs up and now both men are standing on top. Nick turns his opponent around and a then a huge Tornado DDT from the top turnbuckle stuns Chaos. That is the Last Rites. This is over.)
Kurt Ross - This match is over, all Nick has to do is pin Chaos, but it looks like that's not happening any time soon.
(Nick is now standing up and taunting Chaos.)
Merle Haggard - This ain't smart here...but Chaos isn't even movin'. So it could be good and bad.
(Finally, Nick goes over and makes the pin. Referee Aaron Tolmsa counts. ONE! TWO! THREE! Nick Benoit has won the UNW Rookie Title.)
Merle Haggard Jr. - Man, that match was a quick one, but that Last Rites is a killer.
Kurt Ross - It sure is...wait, Benoit has a mic.
(Nick Benoit has a microphone in his hand and is ready to speak.)
Nick Benoit - See...I told all of you fools that I'd win, and sure enough, here I am...with the Rookie title. But you know...I'm not really satisfied with it. I need something better. I need something more prestigious. So I'm going to make a little wager and cal out the World Champion, Dynamite Newton. Now, I know that there is a PPV this weekend, and that I don't have a match. So, I'm going to chill out, and watch what goes down and next week on this show, I challenge the winner of the UNW Championship match to a title match right here on HighStakes. Whether it's Newton, or that other shmuck Barry White, it does not matter. I'll beat either or both of them. So, if the winner has any guts at all, he can just meet me next week, and have his punk ass handed to him. So that's all I have to say.
("When Worlds Collide" plays again as Nick leaves with the Rookie title and Benny follows him.)
Kurt Ross - Man, he's been in the fed for just a week and he's already challenging for the UNW Championship? What is that!?
Merle Haggard Jr. - Well, like LeBron James in Cleveland, he's instantly making the environment here a lot more interesting, I'll tell you that.
(We cut to a commercial break.)
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Segment 4: "The Sharp Dressed Man" Has Something To Say
(We come back from the WBU commercial to a quiet crowd. Suddenly, "Sharp Dressed Man" by ZZ Top hits and the fans cheer loudly. They all know that it's Carkus2000, UNW President. Flashing blue strobe lights in the entranceway pulsate as Carkus comes out with a microphone and a yellow hawaiian shirt. The fans cheer as he raises his arms up and several pyrotechnics explode behind him. Carkus then struts down the ramp and down the aisle. He slaps a few fans' hands and then rolls into the ring with the microphone still in his hand. Carkus then looks around at all the fans with a smirk on his face, then gives the 'cut' sign for "Sharp Dressed Man" to stop. The fans cheer and chant "CAR-KUS!" "CAR-KUS!" as he prepares to cut another controversial promo. The crowd quiets down as he begins to speak.)
Carkus2000 - I have some news for all of you tonight. Tonight, two men will return that will give those Shok bastards a taste of their own damn medicine. And at Love & Hate 2003, these two men will be the first ones in the UNW to beat The Shok for all they are worth. These two men were the biggest names in the UNW at one point, and tonight...they will return. Come on out here, guys.
(We pan to the entranceway and two men exit out of the backstage area. They are the masked men we saw earlier. They walk down the ramp, down the aisle, and step up the steel steps into the ring. The crowd does not cheer or boo as these two men stand next to Carkus in the ring as he raises the UNW microphone to his mouth.)
Carkus2000 - This first man to my left...
(He points to his left and we turn the camera to the muscular masked man.)
Carkus2000 - ...is a two time former UNW Champion. He is a legend of this fed and was one of the original six UNW Members hired back in March 2000. He comes from Hell, California...the NEW, IMPROVED....SPECTRE!!!!!!!!!
(The fans cheer loudly as Spectre takes off his mask and black shirt. He is now totally muscular and built up after a long absence from the UNW. The crowd is wowed as Spectre flexes and Carkus2000 gives him the microphone. Spectre begins to talk.)
Spectre - Carkus, it's great to be back. I only have one thing to say to the fans...and that is....WANNA RAISE SOME HELL???
(The fans cheer loudly and chant "SPECTRE!" "SPECTRE!", as Spec returns the microphone.)
Carkus2000 - Thank you, Spectre. Now, this next man recently returned from an unfortunate stint in rehab, but he's cleaned up his act and I'd like all of you to welcome him back. He is also a two time UNW Internet Champion and one-time protege of Barry White. THE MAN IS BACK, HE IS...JOHN SHAFT!!!!!!!!!!
(John Shaft takes off the mask and his black shirt. He grabs the microphone from out of Carkus's hands and begins to speak.)
John Shaft - WHO'S THE MAN WHO'S IN THE RING AND READY TO TAKE BACK THE UNW?
(The fans say "SHAFT!" and cheer. John Shaft waits for the cheers to die down as he begins to speak again.)
John Shaft - ...DAMN RIGHT! Shaft and Spec are back to dish out the pain to whoever decides to f*** with us...for we are the 5th Iteration of Risen From The Dead! And if you never knew, now you know...RFTD 5 will bring the fire back to United National Wrestling!
(The fans cheer and the announcers get excited. They comment.)
Kurt Ross - WOW! RFTD 5!
Merle Haggard Jr. - Risen From The Dead Part 5 indeed! Kurt, this is gonna be CLASSIC!
Kurt Ross - Definetly, Merle Junior. The UNW is proud to have Spectre and John Shaft back in our tag team ranks.
(John Shaft passes the microphone to Spectre as the cheers calm down and Spectre begins to talk again.)
Spectre - Now, I understand, Carkus and John, that there's this new tag-team trying to make a name for themselves in the UNW...their names? "The Shok".
(The UNW faithful start to boo loudly as Spectre pauses because of the boos, then resumes his promo.)
Spectre - They are seven foot five...combined nine hundred eighty-five pounds...well, The Shok is gonna be Shokked, all right, come Sunday at Love & Hate. Now, I understand these guys are wanted men. I saw what happened last week, it was terrible. These guys are ruthless, slamming a police officer through the wall like that. Well, dammit, this Sunday, they are gonna be the ones that are gonna be 'Shokked' when RFTD 5 puts the boots to 'em!
(The crowd cheers rabidly and chants of "R-F-T-D!" "R-F-T-D!" ring out as Spectre gives the microphone back to Carkus.)
Carkus2000 - Thank you, guys. Now, I, myself, have an important announcement to make. It seems like my position on the UNW staff has changed. I am no longer president of the UNW. As of today, I am now CHAIRMAN. That allows me to do more things than before. I can make matches without letting Jeffrey or Nick know, I can suspend, fire, expel, release, and obliterate anyone I want, when I want. It is not known who will be president yet, but now I will decide who will be the new PRESIDENT of the UNW. He will be...DAVE J! Come out, Dave.
(The fans cheer and "Show Me How To Live" by Audioslave hits. Dave J. steps out of the entranceway, with his trademark "DJ" initialed blue dress shirt on. His hair is spiked up and he is wearing his trademark glasses. He is also wearing the same tie we saw UNW Owner NickZ in last week - a UNW Logo tie. He steps into the ring, smirks to Carkus, and goes to the top rope, poses to the crowd, and then jumps down from the top rope, grabs a microphone and begins to speak.)
Dave J. - Well, first I have to say, congratulations, Carky. Next off, I'm honored to be nominated for the presidential seat in the UNW...but, you guys need to understand something. Under my rule, the UNW will experience a golden age of wrestling like no other era in the UNW's history.
(Carkus looks crazily at Dave.)
Carkus2000 - Under YOUR rule? What about MY rule? Huh?
(The fans go nuts as the two cousins go face-to-face in the ring, staring hardly at eachother with anger. Suddenly, Dave begins to bust out laughing in Carkus's face. He then turns around and walks around the ring. He begins to speak.)
Dave J. - YOUR Rule? I've done more for the company than YOU, asshole. You can shut your damn mou...
(Dave is interrupted by the intro to Audioslave's "Cochise". Some fans boo, others cheer. This is the theme of NickZ. Nick appears on the ramp with a microphone, looking annoyed. "Cochise" cuts and Nick begins to speak.)
NickZ - Carkus and Dave. I thought I was supposed to have a behind-the-scenes job but I have to come out here and break up your arguments once again. Well, then...I'm giving you guys a small challenge. Do ten amazing things by the end of Digital Mayhem 2003 and I'll give you a shot at the Co-Ownership of the UNW. By "amazing things", I mean bring back old talent, find new ways to present things, break ground, shake the business up...only I will decide the new co-owner, the on-air leader of this company. What about it?
(The fans are silent as Dave and Carkus raise their microphones up to their mouths at the same time and speak.)
Carkus/Dave in unison - YES.
(The fans cheer as Nick gets ready to speak again.)
NickZ - Good. Your challenge begins...now. Good luck.
("Cochise" hits again as Carkus, Dave, and Nick go to the backstage area as we prepare for the next match.)
Kurt Ross - What a challenge initiated by the owner of the UNW, Merle.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Yeah, Nick's always the one to come up with the craziest things. They're basically doing favors for the company so Nick can decide who does the best favors. I don't really get it, Kurt.
Kurt Ross - You know how the business world works, Merle. Let's go to our second match of the evening for the UNW Hardkore title.
Match 2: SCORPION vs. DONNIE BRASCO (UNW Hardkore Title On The Line)
UNW Hardcore Rules Match
(The arena is quiet. Then, suddenly, "La Donna e Mobile" by Lucianno Pavarotti breaks the silence. The crowd is neutral as Donnie Brasco steps out and Andy Mace gets on the P.A. System.)
Andy Mace - Ladies and gentlemen, this is a match for the UNW Hardkore Championship! Now coming to the ring, the challenger, from New York, New York, weighing in at 236 pounds, DONNIE BRASCO!!!!!
(Fireworks explode as Donnie Brasco walks onto the ramp and walks down the aisle. We hear the announcers start to comment.)
Kurt Ross - Bar none, Donnie Brasco has to be the most under-rated superstar in the UNW today. He can really show his stuff in a match.
Merle Haggard Jr. - But the letdown in Donnie's career had to be when he lost to Juggernaut in the ladder match for the UNW Championship last year at Maximum Force 2K2. He had no chance against the 320 pound man-beast himself.
(Donnie Brasco slides into the ring and blows kisses to the crowd. The crowd is still silent in return as "La Donna e Mobile" fades out and then, "Perseverance" by Hatebreed starts to blast on the P.A. system as the fans cheer loudly. The entrance fogs up and then we hear Andy Mace once again on the P.A. System.)
Andy Mace - Now, his opponent, from Hamburg, New York, weighing in at 240 pounds, The UNW Hardkore Champion, SCORPION!!!!!
(The fans cheer loudly as Scorpion steps out of the entranceway with a water bottle and his UNW Hardkore title in his right hand, dragging it on the floor below him. Scorp is wearing his normal hardcore attire: Acid-wash jeans, elbowpads, kneepads, and light brown work boots. He is also wearing a black "Hatebreed" shirt. Scorpion puts the bottle of water to his mouth as he stands on the ramp. He pours some into his mouth, bows down, raises his head, and spits a stream of water into the air. The fans cheer as Scorpion runs down the ramp and slides right into the ring. Green and Red strobe lights pulsate above the ring as Scrorpion makes his way to the top rope and taunts the crowd by raising his arms up and pumping his fists. He then jumps down from the top rope, takes off his Hatebreed shirt.)
Merle Haggard Jr. - I used to be a tag team partner with Scorpion at one point, Kurt, as you might remember. He is truly a gifted competitor and loves to use weapons. I know that first hand.
Kurt Ross - Oh yeah, I remember Southern Sting. You guys were a great but short-lived team, Merle, but now he has his brother CobrA. Also, Scorpion is a great solo wrestler even without his brother CobrA by his side. 5 Time Hardkore Champ, Merle, you better believe Scorp. This man is for real.
(Aaron Tolmsa is once again the referee for this contest. He calls for the bell and it rings. Instantly, Scorpion backflips over the top rope, lands on his feet, and pulls a weapon out from behind the apron.)
Kurt Ross - Merle, it looks like Scorpion's looking for weapons already in this Hardcore Match!
Merle Haggard Jr. - Sure seems so, Kurt.
(Scorpion rummages through the apron and finds a steel chair. Little does he know, that above him, in the ring, stands Donnie Brasco. Scorpion gets his chair, and notices Donnie on top. Donnie then jumps on the top rope, and delivers a hard top-rope splash right to Scorpion outside the ring!!)
Kurt Ross - SPRINGBOARD PRESS!
Merle Haggard Jr. - Huh? I didn't see a springboard anywhere, Kurt. That looked more like a High Flying Body Press to me.
Kurt Ross - Oh...well...HIGH FLYING BODY PRESS!
(Scorpion and Donnie are both down on the matting outside the ring. Donnie gets to a half-kneel and grabs the chair that Scorpion dropped when Donnie gave him the high-flying body press from the top rope. Donnie then clutches the chair and waits for Scorpion to get to a half-kneel...and then...THWACK! A hard chair shot to the head of Scorpion!!! Scorp falls to the ground, busted up after the chair shot. Donnie Brasco laughs and drops the chair on the ground. He then goes back into the ring and tears a turnbuckle pad off. Donnie waits in the ring for Scorpion to come back in.)
Kurt Ross - Scorp's busted up!
Merle Haggard Jr. - Already? He has to be in a world of hurt right now. You don't wanna know what that feels like, because I had fifty stitches in my head from a chairshot once back in 2001 from a match with Street Dawg. Let me tell you, Kurt, that that guy was pure backyard. He didn't know how to use weapons at all. Thank God that I survived that match without being killed.
(Scorpion gets up slowly, and looks for weapons under the ring. He looks, rummaging once again, and finds a folding table! The fans cheer as he brings it out. Scorpion wipes the blood from his forehead and pushes the table into the ring. Scorpion then steps up the steel steps and heads into the ring himself, but soon gets hit with a running spear by Donnie Brasco. Scorpion is once again down. Donnie pulls the legs up on the table, flips it around, and puts it straight in the middle of the ring. Scorpion gets up, and ties up with Donnie in the corner of the ring. Scorpion sets Donnie Brasco up with a kick to the mid-section, turns around, springs off the ropes, jumps, and SCISSOR KICKS DONNIE!)
Merle Haggard Jr. - Scissor Kick, looks like he's taking a page out of the playbook of suckas.
(Scorpion flips over the top rope again, this time on the right side of the ring, opens the apron, and rummages around in it. He then pulls out another table! The crowd crescendos as Scorpion slides the table into the ring. Donnie Brasco is still out cold from the hard scissor kick. Scorpion sets up the table's legs and stacks it on top of the first table. The fans cheer loudly as Scorpion takes no time stomping on Donnie Brasco, once, twice, three times. Referee Aaron Tolmsa tells Scorpion to "back off" and Scorpion walks away and taunts the crowd by cutting the air. Scorpion walks around the ring, waiting for Donnie Brasco to stand up. Sure enough, after about six or so seconds on the mat, Donnie gets up. The two men walk towards eachother and tie up.)
Kurt Ross - They lock up...what's going to happen here?
Merle Haggard Jr. - I have no damn clue, Kurt. It looks to me like it can go either way.
(Scorpion, out of the tie-up, irish whips Donnie into the ropes. He bounces off the ropes, crosses mid-ring, and Scorpion nails him with a huge cross body block. The fans cheer as Scorp signals for his finisher, The Biter, by clamping his teeth down together. Donnie gets to one knee and Scorpion grapples him. He then delivers a kick to the mid-section once again, and then grabs Donnie's head. He then delivers a knee to Donnie's head. Then, Scorpion grabs Donnie's legs, picks him up above his head, and slams him down. That's The Biter, all right....Donnie Brasco is out. But, Scorpion picks Donnie up over his head and puts him on top of the second table. The fans go nuts as Scorpion heads for the turnbuckles.)
Kurt Ross - OH MY GOD! Here it comes, Merle, here it comes, fans, it's gonna be the Zenncore from the top rope!
Merle Haggard Jr. - The what now?
Kurt Ross - The Zenncore Frogsplash. It's a top-rope move that we are told will debut tonight.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Well, let's see what it is, Kurt.
(Scorpion jumps to the top rope, and raises his arms. The fans are all on their feet as Scorpion prepares to take Donnie through two tables!!! Scorpion taunts, putting both of his arms up...and finally jumps into the "Zenncore". He then goes into a cannonball dive position, and as he approaches the tables, he then spreads out into a splash position...he is near the table...and hits it! Donnie and Scorpion both go through one....two tables!!! The fans go wild!!!)
Kurt Ross - OH MY GOD! OH...MY...GOD!! SCORPION HAS JUST PUT DONNIE BRASCO THROUGH NOT ONE, BUT TWO TABLES!!!
Merle Haggard Jr. - This just proves, Kurt, that Scorpion has to be the most extreme wrestler we've seen in the history of the UNW.
(Now, the totally dazed Scorpion, with blood now covering his whole body, goes for the pin. Referee Aaron Tolmsa counts it. ONE! TWO! THREE! RING THE BELL! Aaron Tolmsa signals for the bell as "Perseverance" hits and the fans are all on their feet. Scorpion, wobbling to his feet, stands up and raises his UNW Hardkore title above his head. Aaron Tolmsa then raises his arm and Andy Mace announces the winner.)
Andy Mace - Your winner, by pinfall, the UNW Hardkore Champion, SCORPION!!!
(The fans cheer loudly as CobrA, Scorpion's tag partner and brother, steps out with a towel and wipes the blood off of Scorpion's face. The two then walk to the back as we are fed with replay footage.)
Kurt Ross - Wow, Merle, this match was even more over-the-top then last week's match between Scorpion's brother CobrA and HighFlyer Champ Jaime Emo. I have never seen a move like the Zenncore before and even though Donnie Brasco had the far upper hand in the beginning, Scorpion came right back.
Merle Haggard Jr. - He flies through the air, cannonball position, like he's diving into a pool, then he straightens his body right out and nails Donnie and sends him through two tables. I've never seen anything like that before, Kurt.
Kurt Ross - We'll be right back, fans, right after a word from our sponsors. Next up, it's Drew Potter vs. Steel.
Segment 5: Commercial Break #2
WHAT DO THE LEGENDS OF RAP HAVE IN COMMON?
THE NOTORIOUS B.I.G. - 2PAC - RUN DMC - KURTIS BLOW - DR. DRE - AFRIKA BAMBAATAA
They're on the 3-disc "Rap Joxx" anthology!
AVAILIABLE SOON FROM REDLABEL COMPLITATIONS - MAKERS OF UNW LIGHTNING!
Match 3:DREW POTTER vs. STEEL
(Right from the "Rap Joxx" commercial, we cut right to the entranceway, where "Lapdance" by N.E.R.D. plays. The entranceway fills up with white fog as Andy Mace goes on the P.A. System.)
Andy Mace - Ladies and gentlemen, now entering the ring, from Deltona, Florida, weighing 246 pounds, DREW POTTER!!!
(Drew Potter steps out of the entranceway, wearing his normal attire, his JNCO jeans with pulled up boxers. On the stage, Drew looks to the left and to the right, and then proceeds down the ramp and down the aisleway. He slides into the ring, making a ninety degree angle turn while in the ring. He gets up and pumps his fists on the top rope.)
Kurt Ross - Even though Drew Potter was the best competitor in his match-up with Chaos last week, he still lost the match because of a last-minute momentum swing by the so-called 'King of Trash Talk'.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Drew Potter has the potential to be one of the biggest names in the UNW today, but it still shows that he's still a rookie.
("Lapdance" fades out and then "Lose Yourself" by Eminem fades in as the crowd boos. Then, Steel steps out onto the stage. Andy Mace gets on the microphone again.)
Andy Mace - Now, the opponent, from Anchorage, Alaska, weighing in at 256 pounds, STEEL!!!
(Steel saunters down the ramp, down the aisle, and then climbs up the steel steps into the ring. He raises his arms up while he is in the ring.)
Kurt Ross - We haven't seen Steel wrestle in a while. But, even though the closest friend of the Alaskan Warriors has been absent, he still has some powerful moves which can make his opponents literally bounce off the mat.
Merle Haggard Jr. - I don't think Steel can cut it in the UNW. He's been criticized for being too lazy in the ring. We'll see what he does.
("Lose Yourself" fades out as the house lights come back on and Referee Richard Kahn calls for the bell. The two men come to the center of the ring and tie up.)
Kurt Ross - They tangle up...
(In the tie-up, Drew Potter sends a elbow to the head of Steel, and then irish whips him. Steel bounces into the ropes. Steel continues to run, and Drew Potter leap frogs over Steel, continuing Steel's run. Steel bounces off the adjacent ropes, and then gets caught with a Japanese Arm Drag by Drew Potter, sending Steel hard to the mat.)
Merle Haggard Jr. - Excellent execution by Drew Potter! This young man knows his wrestling mechanics!
(Steel gets up to his feet, walks over to Drew Potter, and pushes him. Drew pushes Steel back. Steel then grabs a hold of Drew's head, and lets go a hard punch to the jugular vein. Cheap shot! The fans boo as Steel shrugs his shoulders. Referee Richard Kahn goes over to Steel and yells at him for the cheapshot. Steel tells the referee to "go away" and Richard Kahn moves to the other side of the ring. Drew Potter is now standing, but selling the pain from his jugular vein. Steel walks over, taunts Drew by rubbing his eyes, to make Steel look like he's crying, and laughs. Drew, though, lets go of his jugular vein and taps on Steel's shoulder. Steel looks over, and then Drew Potter quickly picks Steel up over his head. He holds him there for a few seconds and drops Steel behind where he is standing, which is a Gorilla Press Slam.)
Kurt Ross - Body Slam!
Merle Haggard Jr. - For the second time tonight, Kurt, you're wrong. That was clearly a Gorilla Press Slam.
Kurt Ross - Yeah, whatever, it was a BODY SLAM, Merle.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Whatever, Kurt. Just don't cry when Scott Keith knocks on your door and bashes you to death in his report.
(After recovering from the Gorilla Press Slam, Steel rolls over and supports himself up with his arms. Steel and Potter tie up again. Steel then breaks free with a knee to the gut of Drew. Steel, then moves to Drew's backside and bulldogs him, sending Drew yelping in pain down on the canvas.)
Merle Haggard Jr. - Vicious Bulldog there by Steel.
(As Drew gets up on hands and knees, Steel, still standing, delivers a kick right to the body, sending Drew Potter back down to the canvas. Steel then stomps on Drew's spinal area, which makes Drew lie in pain down on the canvas. Steel just walks away laughing hysterically. But, now Drew Potter is getting up. The fans start to cheer as he gets to two knees, then back standing. Steel, thinking the fans are cheering for him, blows kisses to the crowd. But, then, Drew Potter taps once again on Steel's shoulder. Steel is shocked. Then, out of seemingly nowhere, Drew Potter pulls out a move out of his arsenal, a F-5 into a Diamond Cutter called the Money Drop! The fans go wild as Drew Potter raises his hands and tells Steel to "get up". Steel gets up after about three seconds, and then, Drew Potter gets ready. Steel gets up, and then Drew Potter runs over and BURIES Steel with THE KA$HFLOW! That's his finisher! The crowd goes nuts as Steel is out cold.)
Kurt Ross - What impact and brilliant execution by Drew Potter with the KA$HFLOW!
(Drew goes for the pin. Referee Richard Kahn counts it. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! Richard Kahn calls for the bell and it rings. "Lapdance" hits again as Drew Potter gets his arm raised by Richard Kahn. Drew then goes to the top rope and poses to the crowd. He then grabs a microphone and "Lapdance" fades out.)
Drew Potter - Yo...the UNW ain't ready for me yet. But I proved something to that punk-ass Steel in the ring. He ain't gonna mess with Drew Potter no more! Soon the UNW is going to find out just who I am. I'm out.
("Lapdance" hits again as Drew Potter leaves the ring.)
Kurt Ross - Drew Potter...he's got talent, that's for sure.
Merle Haggard Jr. - You can bet on that, Kurt. Just look at the Ka$hflow. He can dominate any wrestler the UNW has to offer with that move only.
Match 4: C.V. Paul vs. Wes Tomerka...or is it???
Kurt Ross - Wait, Merle, I think something's happening backstage right before our North American Title Match here.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Let's see what's happening.
(We see C.V. Paul in the locker room being ambushed by three men, who are Blood, Wes Tomerka, and Shotman. They are all stomping on him at once. C.V. Paul is yelling in pain on the ground, but the members of Team Regime try to shut him up with their stomping.)
Merle Haggard Jr. - HELL no! Three members of Team Regime are beating on C.V. Paul! This is not good. Not good at all.
(Shotman tells The Regime members to stop stomping. He holds the battered C.V. Paul up. Wes and Blood execute vicious head and body punches to batter C.V. even more until Shotman lets him fall down to the ground and then they continue to stomp. North American Champion Wes Tomerka tells the members of Team Regime to stop because he has other plans.)
Wes Tomerka - WAIT! Stop. I have a better idea than just stomping 'im to death. Shot and Blood, hold him up again. Let me get my belt.
(We hear the fans in the background, picked up from Merle and Kurt's mics, booing loudly. Wes Tomerka gets his UNW North American Title and then holds it in front of C.V.'s face, moving it in a "come and get it" motion. He begins to speak.)
Wes Tomerka - Hey, PAUL! Here's the title! Get it! GET IT! GET IT!!!!!!!!!! It's all YOURS, PAUL! Oh! Wait! YOU CAN'T HAVE IT because you CAN'T BEAT ME. So leave your stupid ass at the door and take your star-spangled patriotism with you! Shot, get the flag from his locker there.
(Shotman reaches over in C.V.'s locker and pulls out a small American flag.)
Kurt Ross - Oh My God! No! What the hell are they gonna do with the flag???
(Shotman gives Wes the flag. Wes rolls the flag up, puts it around C.V.'s mouth, and ties it up.)
Wes Tomerka - OK. That looks perfect. Now, Shot, get the tape.
(Shotman reaches over in an adjacent locker and gets a roll of gaffer tape. He gets it and moves toward the back of C.V. Paul. He then wraps the tape several times over C.V.'s hands, tying them up. Then, Blood and Shotman let go of C.V. and let him lie on the floor. They all laugh evilly as Wes Tomerka leaves the room. Shotman and Blood follow, but Blood turns off the light and closes the door to the room. C.V. has just been bound and gagged by three members of Team Regime!!!)
Merle Haggard Jr. - Well, it looks like Team Regime are back to their old antics, regardless of if NickZ left them earlier this week.
Kurt Ross - Merle, I'll tell you what. These bullies are now becoming a major threat to the wrestlers in the UNW...God only knows what these guys are gonna do next.
Match 5:ANYBODY KILLAH vs. CobrA (UNW Internet Title On The Line)
Writing Credit:Justin Ballard
Kurt Ross - Well...on to our next match. Our announcer Andy Mace is in the ring.
Andy Mace - The next match, set for one fall with no time limit...is for the vacant UNW Internet Title... Introducing first...
(The lights fade and "Hollowpoint" by Anybody Killah hits.)
Andy Mace - From Royal Oak, Michigan, weighing 224 pounds, ANYBODY KILLAH!!!
(The crowd boos as ABK makes his way onto the ramp. Pyros go off and ABK throws his hands up. He doesn't seem to care as he walks down and enters the ring. He gets up on the turnbuckle, taunting the fans, who boo their heads off in response. ABK hops down and waits for CobrA.)
Andy Mace And now.. his opponent...from Hamburg, New York, weighing 200 pounds, CobrA!!!
("Bled for Days" by Static X starts to play...Strobes go off and the crowd cheers. CobrA comes out, and as he is walking down to the ring, makes the gesture that says the belt will be his. He points at ABK and motions that he is going to break him in half.)
Kurt Ross - Man...he's determined tonight. He may just pull this one out. I mean I love to see him smack that punk ABK around. But, I must admit that ABK is a great wrestler.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Not half the wrestler of Dynamite Newton! I hope CobrA beats him!!!
Kurt Ross - Well, you ARE entitled to your opinion, Merle.
(The crowd begins to get into it.)
Kurt Ross - See, this FtW thing has forced you to root for CobrA. But even with you, ABK is way too tough. This guy is living on borrowed time. If I was him I would be wrestling with my eye on that ramp.
Merle Haggard Jr. - If you were him, you wouldn't be getting paid minimum wage!
Kurt Ross - That too! I wonder if the four guys we saw with ABK this week will get invited to ringside.
Merle Haggard Jr. - I hope not...I wanna see me a good match here!
(Referee Aaron Tolmsa calls for the bell and CobrA goes out of the ring and slides a table inside, but Aaron Tolmsa catches him and slides it right out. CobrA advances back into the ring, arguing with the ref, but CobrA does not know that ABK is behind him. ABK whips CobrA easily to the corner. CobrA hits the turnbuckle and flies out onto his butt. ABK picks him up and does it again. This time, CobrA puts on the breaks in the corner. ABK charges in and CobrA moves. CobrA hits a hurricanranna and covers. ONE! TWO! ABK kicks out and gets up.)
Merle Haggard Jr - Man, he really got up there, didn't he!
Kurt Ross - Huh?
Merle Haggard Jr. - Nothing.
(CobrA gets up, and hits ABK with a clothesline that barely moves ABK...CobrA backs up and feints a clothesline...ABK ducks and then CobrA spears him! ABK gets up, and CobrA then tries a hard drop kick...but ABK avoided it. ABK then picks CobrA up from the ground and suplexes him hard! ABK, seeing that CobrA is stunned, goes up to the top rope!! ABK taunts, then comes down with a Frog Splash!!! Cover! ONE! TWO! CobrA's foot is on the ropes! Referee Aaron Tolmsa tells ABK to break up the pin.)
Kurt Ross - CobrA with his foot on the ropes!
Merle Haggard Jr - Come on CobrA...get in the match! He's not really pulling anything spectacular.
(ABK pulls him up but CobrA counters with a punch to the gut. CobrA slides out the ring. ABK follows and CobrA tries to get the advantage. CobrA with a few punches. The two men tie up and CobrA whips ABK to the ring post. CobrA is rummaging under the ring, looking for a weapon...and he pulls out a lead pipe!)
Kurt Ross - Oh my god. CobrA has a lead pipe! This isn't really good for ABK right now, and you know how hardcore CobrA can get.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Hey, remember that guy with Nick Benoit earlier, Benny the Cameraman? It looks like he pulled out his crack pipe there!! Haha!!!
Kurt Ross - What?! Does that look like a crack pipe to you? NO. That's a lead pipe, Merle.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Oh.
(CobrA winds up...and nails ABK with the pipe! ABK falls down to the matting outside the ring. Referee Aaron Tolmsa is outside the ring trying to take the lead pipe from CobrA. CobrA rolls ABK in and CobrA soon follows. ABK is still stunned. CobrA looks at the situation and he climbs the ropes and calls for the 450 splash. CobrA jumps...he sails through the air with the 450...and hits it! CobrA gets up and taunts to the crowd, who reply with cheers.)
Merle Haggard Jr. - Man, he's gonna end up losing the match over that...Look, CobrA, stop celebrating and cover him right now!!!
Kurt Ross - Wait, CobrA is calling for the Napalm Death...What's going on here?
(CobrA calls for the Napalm Death and climbs up to the top rope again. He then signals...and then hits ABK's own move on him!! The fans are cheering rabidly as CobrA celebrates again and ABK suddenly gets up.)
Kurt Ross - ABK's had enough of this. He's up!
(ABK then grapples CobrA and hits him with a lethal Samoan Drop, which sends CobrA to the mat. ABK then calls for the Napalm Death again and then goes to the top rope and executes it! ABK goes for the pin. ONE! TWO! THREE! ABK is the new Internet Champion.)
Kurt Ross - This one's in the books!! ABK is the NEW UNW Internet Champion!
Merle Haggard Jr. - Man...I actually thought that ABK might get put out by his own move, but ABK got up like a immortal being and just told CobrA how it was really done, and look, we have a new Internet Champ.
Segment 7:Commercials #3
Kurt Ross - Now, here's the part of the show where we introduce our fine sponsors. UNW HighStakes is brought to you by Revolution Studios. Get off your ass and get onto revolutionstudios.org right now.
Merle Haggard Jr. - ...and by Big BumpZ by our friends at MDickie Software. Think you can pull off stunts like the pros can? Prove it in Big BumpZ. Get it now at 's Free!!!
Kurt Ross - ...and also by RAP JOXX - The legends of Rap - from The Sugar Hill Gang all the way to Jay-Z, they are all here.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Next Up, Dynamite Newton faces Salvatore for the UNW Championship. Let's go to the ring right now.
MAIN EVENT:SALVATORE vs. DYNAMITE NEWTON
(UNW Championship On The Line)
(We cut to the entranceway and then "Luna Mezzo Mare" by Lou Monte hits. The fans cheer as Salvatore steps out. Andy Mace gets back on the P.A. System.)
Andy Mace - Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the main event of the evening for the UNW Championship! Now, entering the ring, from Sicily, Italy, weighing 265 pounds, being accompanied by Tera Patrick, SALVATORE!!!
(The fans cheer as Salv and Tera step into the entranceway. A row of fireworks explode in back of them as "Mr. And Mrs. UNW" walk down the ramp, down the aisle, and into the ring. Salvatore enters the ring first, and then opens the ropes for Tera to get in. Then, the fans cheer as Salvatore poses to the fans.)
Kurt Ross - The Mobster Is Back! Salvatore and Tera Patrick are ready to take on Newton here in St. Paul!!!
("Luna Mezzo Mare" fades out and "Criminal" by Eminem hits. The fans cheer even louder as Dynamite Newton steps out with his UNW Championship on his shoulder. He is wearing red tights and sunglasses. Then, Andy Mace gets back on the P.A. system.)
Andy Mace - Now, entering the ring, from Newcastle-upon-Tyne, England, he is the UNW Champion, "The Future", DYNAMITE NEWTON!!!
(The fans cheer as Dynamite appears on the stage as a huge row of pyrotechnics explode behind him. The arena is covered in white as Newton runs down the ramp, down the aisle, and slides into the ring. Newton then goes to the top rope and raises his arms up to the fans.)
Kurt Ross - Here he is, folks, the biggest name in the UNW today. Dynamite Newton, himself, in the flesh. Can he reach 19 undefeated matches tonight?
Merle Haggard Jr. - That remains to be seen, Kurt. It's gonna be damn impressive if he does.
(Referee Aaron Tolmsa calls for the bell and then the two men go to the center of the ring and stare each other down. After a few moments of staring, Newton pushes Salvatore down to the mat. The fans cheer as Newton laughs and points down at the downed Salvatore.)
Kurt Ross - What a way to start off a match. Pushing your opponent down...how pathetic. Is it just me or is Newton getting lazy in the ring?
Merle Haggard Jr. - No, I don't see anything wrong with that.
(Salvatore gets up and ties up once again with Newton. Then, Salvatore pushes Newton down again. The crowd cheers even more as Salvatore wipes his hands and picks up Newton by the head and whips him into the ropes. Newton bounces off the ropes, and runs right into Salvatore's boot! A huge Big Boot by Salvatore lays Dynamite down onto the mat. Dynamite gets up instantly and the two men stare each other down again.)
Kurt Ross - A lot of staring down, huh, Merle?
Merle Haggard Jr. - I love staredowns. It makes the match more enjoyable.
(They still stare each other down. Suddenly, the lights go black! The fans scream as suddenly the lights come back on. Then, we see, in the ring, Barry White and Salvatore beating down Newton.)
Kurt Ross - BARRY WHITE! WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING OUT HERE?
Merle Haggard Jr. - Beating up Newton.
Kurt Ross - I didn't mean it like that. He wasn't even supposed to be here tonight!
(Then, Referee Aaron Tolmsa calls for the bell. There's a DQ on the part of Barry White. The fans boo loudly as Andy Mace gets back on the P.A. System.)
Andy Mace - Fans, the winner of this match by disqualification, DYNAMITE NEWTON!!!
(The fans boo because of the D.Q. as Barry and Salv walk up the ramp, pointing to the downed Newton who is still out cold in the ring. The fans boo loudly as we fade out...)
LIVE on REVOLUTION STUDIOS' STV
From the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul, Minnesota
Segment 1: Here We Go Again...
(The scene fades in. We are in the Xcel Energy Center's underground parking garage, which is loaded with cars on both the left and right sides of the lot. There is a vertical ramp on the far horizon that leads right into the garage. Suddenly, we hear a car's engine. Instantly after the car's engine is heard, a black Lincoln limousine pulls into the garage. It drives slowly, looking for a spot to pull into. The windows are tinted pitch black, though we see through the glass of the windshield. A middle-aged chauffeur is driving. He turns his head to the left and to the right, looking hastily for a good place to park. He, seeing no spaces, stops the limo in the middle of the garage. He stops the engine and puts the car in park. The chauffeur gets out of the car and moves around to the car's anterior. The camera follows him. He opens the door and waits. After a few seconds, two masked men step out of the car. One looks muscular, the other built. The muscular man gives the driver a 20 dollar tip. The driver gets into the car and the limo speeds away. The two masked men, who wear black masks, black shirts, black gloves, black pants, and black shoes, step into the arena's entrance. The cameraman, however, is not so lucky, and gets the door marked "ARENA ENTRANCE" shut on him. Fortunately, we have another cameraman in the hallway, who we cut to right after the door closes. The cameraman follows the two masked men down hallways. We pass some wrestlers as they run away, thinking they are The Shok. The masked men, not being able to see the wrestlers, do not even turn their heads to the sound. They just keep on walking, and even the style they walk tells us 'these guys aren't The Shok'. The two masked men turn a corner, walk down another hallway, and walk into a door marked CARKUS2000. They shut the door, once again, this time on the new cameraman as they enter Carkus's office and we cut to the introduction.)
Segment 2:Introduction
I've Got The Key To Gramercy Park,
Where It's Safe To Be Afraid Of The Dark
After That We Can F*** By The Heavenly Stars
But I Might, Might Miss Breaking In Through The Bars
("The Key To Gramercy Park" by Deadsy resonates throughout the nearly sold-out Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul, Minnesota as the thousands of fans cheer loudly and chant "U-N-DUB!" "U-N-DUB!", just like before every UNW event. The rotating aerial camera rig, which soars above the set, the ring, and the fans, starts to pan around the crowd and we see several fans, cheering, chanting, ranting, raving, pumping their fists, and cheering. We see fans in the stands that wear Salvatore's "PURE ITALIAN" T-Shirt, Newton's "Logo" T-Shirt, and the brand-new "!NDESTRUCTIBLE" T-Shirt from Interogative. As we pan, we see several signs made by fans, which include the following and more:)
GOD'S MACHINE = RATINGS
We Want Shaun Back!
I Wish Sakuraba Was In The UNW!
ST. PAUL IS REGIME COUNTRY!
(It's good that I live in Minneapolis)
(As we stop the panning of the arena, we cut to the two announcers, now Kurt Ross and Merle Haggard Jr., who are sitting in the booth. Kurt Ross wears his standard UNW polo shirt, while Merle Haggard Jr. wears a leather jacket and his trademark cowboy hat.)
Kurt Ross - WE ARE ONLY 48 HOURS AWAY FROM DESTRUCTION! UNW Love & Hate 2003 is only two days away, this Sunday on Pay-Per-View, and Barry White collides with Dynamite Newton for the UNW Championship! Well, forget about the future, let's focus in on the present. THIS IS UNW HIGHSTAKES! I'm Kurt Ross along with "The Poet Of The Common Man", Merle Haggard Jr. and we're live from St. Paul, Minnesota!!
Merle Haggard Jr. - Wow. It's great being here, Kurt. At least we have relief here on HighStakes. Shaun Andrews is gone and I have replaced him. The UNW is now a better place. I, if you didn't hear Kurt, am the Poet of the Common Man himself, Merle Haggard Junior. I'm happy to be here, announcing, after my ilustrious career in this business ended.
Kurt Ross - Well, Merle, the big question has to be...what do you think of the Newton vs. Barry White matchup on Love & Hate this Sunday?
Merle Haggard Jr. - I think, Kurt, that the winner will be Dynamite Newton, hands down. Barry White ain't gettin' any younger. Expect Dynamite to come out of Buffalo this Sunday with his 20th win in a row.
Kurt Ross - Wow. A conversation without being harrassed. Thank you, Merle.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Well, Kurt, Shaun Andrews and I are almost alike, but I'm a little less insane. So, still, expect to be harassed. Just not after every sentence.
Kurt Ross - I appreciate that.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Anyway, Kurt, I love young talent more than Shaun did. And it looks like "God's Machine" Nick Benoit will debut tonight. I can't wait.
Kurt Ross - I know, Merle, and the way this youngster was being interviewed the other day, it looked like he was the second coming of LeBron James.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Haha, yes, I believe that he IS the "LeBron James" of the UNW, Kurt. Tonight, we'll see how he proves his wrestling skills in the UNW.
Kurt Ross - Merle, also, I'd like your thoughts on a situation with a very gifted youngster gone to waste. Jaime Emo.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Let me tell you something, fans, Jaime Emo is still in very critical condition, and God only knows when he'll come out of his coma. I still thinks he's got his skills in him, so we can still expect those amazing springboard splashes that he can do. Maybe, when he comes back, he'll capture the UNW Championship. You never know, Kurt.
Kurt Ross - Our thoughts and prayers go out to Jaime Emo and his family tonight, and we hope he pulls through after this run-in with death.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Jaime's been in this coma for a week already, let's hope he goes out of it soon.
Kurt Ross - We have to see what has happens tonight, though, because this is gonna be an excellent event. Let's go to the ring right now for THE DEBUT OF...NICK BENOIT!!!
Match 1:"GOD'S MACHINE" NICK BENOIT vs. chAos (UNW Rookie Title On The Line)
Writing Credit:Justin Ballard
(The crowd grows quiet and "Body Crumbles" by Dry Cell hits the P.A. and the crowd grows from quiet to on their feet cheering in a matter of seconds. As the crowd roars it's approval, Chaos comes out from the back with the Rookie title strapped around his waist His blonde hair is slicked back and he is wearing a white, sweat-stained tanktop and cut-off denim shorts. He appears on the stage, and slowly raises one arm up. A blast of fireworks comes out from behind him. He then raises his other arm up slowly and another blast happens from behind him. He holds his arms in the air for a few seconds, then lets them go and the pyrotechnics stop from behind him. He then looks into the camera and trashtalks about his upcoming match into the camera.)
Chaos - Nick Benoit.. I'm going to beat the crap out of you, son...and your crackhead pal too, haha!!!
(The camera follows him, walking down the ramp, then into the aisleway. He finally goes up the steel steps, and goes into the ring. He poses to the fans by pointing and talking trash some more. We now go to Andy Mace, the UNW Ring Announcer.)
Andy Mace - This match is a scheduled one fall contest, and it is for the UNW Rookie title. Introducing first, the UNW Rookie Champion, from Landover, Maryland, weighing in at 214 pounds, CHAOS!!!
Kurt Ross - Well, Merle, tonight we have this match between two relative newcomers, Nick Benoit and Chaos. and it's for the Rookie title. What do you know about Nick Benoit, Merle?
Merle Haggard Jr. - Well, Kurt, I know that Nick really isn't a rookie, except for here in the UNW. See, he's been around the block a little bit and has won a few titles, the kid is a multiple time world champeen, and he's also what we like to call a Bar Room Buddy. I've seen him one time do this DDT from the top of a ladder.
Kurt Ross - Yeah, Nick Benoit is touted as a master of the DDT, but will he be able to use it on Chaos tonight?
Merle Haggard Jr - I don't rightly know Kurt, after all, Chaos ain't no lame bull now. He can go with duh best of 'em. We're gonna have us a knock down drag out rodeo, I can tell you that.
(The crowd cheers a little more as Chaos poses in the ring. "Body Crumbles" fades out. Then, the lights dim and some missile-style pyros go off. "When Worlds Collide" by Powerman 5000 starts to play and the crowd stops cheering somewhat and gives a mixed reaction. The lights flare back up and Nick Benoit comes out. He's followed by his manager Benny The Cameraman, who is operating a small camera. The feed goes to this camera and it's got a little caption in the corner entitles "Nickolyte Vision". He closes up on Nick's face, and then pans the crowd. The feed then cuts back to the regular UNW Cameras, and as Nick and Benny walk to the ring, we go back to Andy Mace.)
Andy Mace - Ladies and Gentlemen, the challenger, coming to the ring at this time, weighing in at 220 pounds, from Chicago, Illinois, accompanied to the ring by his manager, Benny The Cameraman, here is "God's Machine", NICK BENOIT!!!
Merle Haggard Jr. - See, Kurt? Now how can you not like a guy named "God's Machine", huh?
Kurt Ross - Well, let's just see how he does in the ring tonight.
(The referee has instructed both men and we are ready to get going, but Nick Benoit motions for Chaos to shake hands in the center of the ring.)
Kurt Ross - Wow..that's...
Merle Haggard Jr. - Sportsmanship.
Kurt Ross - Yeah.. I guess...Chaos is going to shake...
(When Chaos puts his hand out, Nick steps back and does a Shawn Michaels-style superkick to the face of Chaos. Chaos drops to the mat and Nick takes the opportunity to taunt him.)
Kurt Ross - Yeah...sportsmanship...RIGHT!
Merle Haggard Jr. - Forget about sportsmanship, Kurt, did you see that kick? Great impact.
(Nick picks up Chaos and sets him up for a suplex, but when Nick tries to pick him up, Chaos nails him with a low blow. Chaos then picks Nick up and gives him an atomic drop. when Nick Benoit falls to the ground, Chaos picks him up and puts him in a sleeper. Chaos is talking trash in Nick's ear.)
Kurt Ross - Boy, after that kick, Chaos has reallly come to life here. But, I have to say that that trashtalking has to be embarassing for the newcomer.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Yeah, he's doing a number on ol' Nick there...and all that stuff he's talking ain't about a barbeque at his house this weekend, I'll tell you that!
(After a while, Nick elbows out of the sleeper and whips Chaos into the ropes. Chaos comes back, only to be met by a vicious clothesline.)
Kurt Ross - Excellent execution by Nick Benoit!!!
Merle Haggard Jr. - He damn near took his head off! Wait, Kurt, look over there...he's even posing for the crowd.
(A sharp elbowdrop by Nick Benoit stuns Chaos. Nick Benoit turns Chaos over...and he straps an Ankle Lock on Chaos.)
Kurt Ross - Is Chaos gonna tap out?
Merle Haggard Jr. - He just might...
(Chaos moves forward and reaches the ropes...but Nick drags him back to the middle of the ring. Chaos stands up.)
Merle Haggard Jr. - Nick's about to put Chaos away!!!
(Nick turns Chaos around and whips him into the corner, then charges in after him, and then Benoit connects with a clothesline. Benoit then whips Chaos into the far corner.. and hits another clothesline... and now he backs up and delivers a huge kick to the face just like the other one before. THWACK! The sound echoes throughout the Xcel Energy Center and it looks like Chaos is busted open.)
Kurt Ross - And now, it looks like Nick is saying that the match is over, he's calling for his finisher, the Last Rites!!!
(Nick Benoit calls for the finisher and then he puts Chaos on the top turnbuckle. He climbs up and now both men are standing on top. Nick turns his opponent around and a then a huge Tornado DDT from the top turnbuckle stuns Chaos. That is the Last Rites. This is over.)
Kurt Ross - This match is over, all Nick has to do is pin Chaos, but it looks like that's not happening any time soon.
(Nick is now standing up and taunting Chaos.)
Merle Haggard - This ain't smart here...but Chaos isn't even movin'. So it could be good and bad.
(Finally, Nick goes over and makes the pin. Referee Aaron Tolmsa counts. ONE! TWO! THREE! Nick Benoit has won the UNW Rookie Title.)
Merle Haggard Jr. - Man, that match was a quick one, but that Last Rites is a killer.
Kurt Ross - It sure is...wait, Benoit has a mic.
(Nick Benoit has a microphone in his hand and is ready to speak.)
Nick Benoit - See...I told all of you fools that I'd win, and sure enough, here I am...with the Rookie title. But you know...I'm not really satisfied with it. I need something better. I need something more prestigious. So I'm going to make a little wager and cal out the World Champion, Dynamite Newton. Now, I know that there is a PPV this weekend, and that I don't have a match. So, I'm going to chill out, and watch what goes down and next week on this show, I challenge the winner of the UNW Championship match to a title match right here on HighStakes. Whether it's Newton, or that other shmuck Barry White, it does not matter. I'll beat either or both of them. So, if the winner has any guts at all, he can just meet me next week, and have his punk ass handed to him. So that's all I have to say.
("When Worlds Collide" plays again as Nick leaves with the Rookie title and Benny follows him.)
Kurt Ross - Man, he's been in the fed for just a week and he's already challenging for the UNW Championship? What is that!?
Merle Haggard Jr. - Well, like LeBron James in Cleveland, he's instantly making the environment here a lot more interesting, I'll tell you that.
(We cut to a commercial break.)
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Segment 4: "The Sharp Dressed Man" Has Something To Say
(We come back from the WBU commercial to a quiet crowd. Suddenly, "Sharp Dressed Man" by ZZ Top hits and the fans cheer loudly. They all know that it's Carkus2000, UNW President. Flashing blue strobe lights in the entranceway pulsate as Carkus comes out with a microphone and a yellow hawaiian shirt. The fans cheer as he raises his arms up and several pyrotechnics explode behind him. Carkus then struts down the ramp and down the aisle. He slaps a few fans' hands and then rolls into the ring with the microphone still in his hand. Carkus then looks around at all the fans with a smirk on his face, then gives the 'cut' sign for "Sharp Dressed Man" to stop. The fans cheer and chant "CAR-KUS!" "CAR-KUS!" as he prepares to cut another controversial promo. The crowd quiets down as he begins to speak.)
Carkus2000 - I have some news for all of you tonight. Tonight, two men will return that will give those Shok bastards a taste of their own damn medicine. And at Love & Hate 2003, these two men will be the first ones in the UNW to beat The Shok for all they are worth. These two men were the biggest names in the UNW at one point, and tonight...they will return. Come on out here, guys.
(We pan to the entranceway and two men exit out of the backstage area. They are the masked men we saw earlier. They walk down the ramp, down the aisle, and step up the steel steps into the ring. The crowd does not cheer or boo as these two men stand next to Carkus in the ring as he raises the UNW microphone to his mouth.)
Carkus2000 - This first man to my left...
(He points to his left and we turn the camera to the muscular masked man.)
Carkus2000 - ...is a two time former UNW Champion. He is a legend of this fed and was one of the original six UNW Members hired back in March 2000. He comes from Hell, California...the NEW, IMPROVED....SPECTRE!!!!!!!!!
(The fans cheer loudly as Spectre takes off his mask and black shirt. He is now totally muscular and built up after a long absence from the UNW. The crowd is wowed as Spectre flexes and Carkus2000 gives him the microphone. Spectre begins to talk.)
Spectre - Carkus, it's great to be back. I only have one thing to say to the fans...and that is....WANNA RAISE SOME HELL???
(The fans cheer loudly and chant "SPECTRE!" "SPECTRE!", as Spec returns the microphone.)
Carkus2000 - Thank you, Spectre. Now, this next man recently returned from an unfortunate stint in rehab, but he's cleaned up his act and I'd like all of you to welcome him back. He is also a two time UNW Internet Champion and one-time protege of Barry White. THE MAN IS BACK, HE IS...JOHN SHAFT!!!!!!!!!!
(John Shaft takes off the mask and his black shirt. He grabs the microphone from out of Carkus's hands and begins to speak.)
John Shaft - WHO'S THE MAN WHO'S IN THE RING AND READY TO TAKE BACK THE UNW?
(The fans say "SHAFT!" and cheer. John Shaft waits for the cheers to die down as he begins to speak again.)
John Shaft - ...DAMN RIGHT! Shaft and Spec are back to dish out the pain to whoever decides to f*** with us...for we are the 5th Iteration of Risen From The Dead! And if you never knew, now you know...RFTD 5 will bring the fire back to United National Wrestling!
(The fans cheer and the announcers get excited. They comment.)
Kurt Ross - WOW! RFTD 5!
Merle Haggard Jr. - Risen From The Dead Part 5 indeed! Kurt, this is gonna be CLASSIC!
Kurt Ross - Definetly, Merle Junior. The UNW is proud to have Spectre and John Shaft back in our tag team ranks.
(John Shaft passes the microphone to Spectre as the cheers calm down and Spectre begins to talk again.)
Spectre - Now, I understand, Carkus and John, that there's this new tag-team trying to make a name for themselves in the UNW...their names? "The Shok".
(The UNW faithful start to boo loudly as Spectre pauses because of the boos, then resumes his promo.)
Spectre - They are seven foot five...combined nine hundred eighty-five pounds...well, The Shok is gonna be Shokked, all right, come Sunday at Love & Hate. Now, I understand these guys are wanted men. I saw what happened last week, it was terrible. These guys are ruthless, slamming a police officer through the wall like that. Well, dammit, this Sunday, they are gonna be the ones that are gonna be 'Shokked' when RFTD 5 puts the boots to 'em!
(The crowd cheers rabidly and chants of "R-F-T-D!" "R-F-T-D!" ring out as Spectre gives the microphone back to Carkus.)
Carkus2000 - Thank you, guys. Now, I, myself, have an important announcement to make. It seems like my position on the UNW staff has changed. I am no longer president of the UNW. As of today, I am now CHAIRMAN. That allows me to do more things than before. I can make matches without letting Jeffrey or Nick know, I can suspend, fire, expel, release, and obliterate anyone I want, when I want. It is not known who will be president yet, but now I will decide who will be the new PRESIDENT of the UNW. He will be...DAVE J! Come out, Dave.
(The fans cheer and "Show Me How To Live" by Audioslave hits. Dave J. steps out of the entranceway, with his trademark "DJ" initialed blue dress shirt on. His hair is spiked up and he is wearing his trademark glasses. He is also wearing the same tie we saw UNW Owner NickZ in last week - a UNW Logo tie. He steps into the ring, smirks to Carkus, and goes to the top rope, poses to the crowd, and then jumps down from the top rope, grabs a microphone and begins to speak.)
Dave J. - Well, first I have to say, congratulations, Carky. Next off, I'm honored to be nominated for the presidential seat in the UNW...but, you guys need to understand something. Under my rule, the UNW will experience a golden age of wrestling like no other era in the UNW's history.
(Carkus looks crazily at Dave.)
Carkus2000 - Under YOUR rule? What about MY rule? Huh?
(The fans go nuts as the two cousins go face-to-face in the ring, staring hardly at eachother with anger. Suddenly, Dave begins to bust out laughing in Carkus's face. He then turns around and walks around the ring. He begins to speak.)
Dave J. - YOUR Rule? I've done more for the company than YOU, asshole. You can shut your damn mou...
(Dave is interrupted by the intro to Audioslave's "Cochise". Some fans boo, others cheer. This is the theme of NickZ. Nick appears on the ramp with a microphone, looking annoyed. "Cochise" cuts and Nick begins to speak.)
NickZ - Carkus and Dave. I thought I was supposed to have a behind-the-scenes job but I have to come out here and break up your arguments once again. Well, then...I'm giving you guys a small challenge. Do ten amazing things by the end of Digital Mayhem 2003 and I'll give you a shot at the Co-Ownership of the UNW. By "amazing things", I mean bring back old talent, find new ways to present things, break ground, shake the business up...only I will decide the new co-owner, the on-air leader of this company. What about it?
(The fans are silent as Dave and Carkus raise their microphones up to their mouths at the same time and speak.)
Carkus/Dave in unison - YES.
(The fans cheer as Nick gets ready to speak again.)
NickZ - Good. Your challenge begins...now. Good luck.
("Cochise" hits again as Carkus, Dave, and Nick go to the backstage area as we prepare for the next match.)
Kurt Ross - What a challenge initiated by the owner of the UNW, Merle.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Yeah, Nick's always the one to come up with the craziest things. They're basically doing favors for the company so Nick can decide who does the best favors. I don't really get it, Kurt.
Kurt Ross - You know how the business world works, Merle. Let's go to our second match of the evening for the UNW Hardkore title.
Match 2: SCORPION vs. DONNIE BRASCO (UNW Hardkore Title On The Line)
UNW Hardcore Rules Match
(The arena is quiet. Then, suddenly, "La Donna e Mobile" by Lucianno Pavarotti breaks the silence. The crowd is neutral as Donnie Brasco steps out and Andy Mace gets on the P.A. System.)
Andy Mace - Ladies and gentlemen, this is a match for the UNW Hardkore Championship! Now coming to the ring, the challenger, from New York, New York, weighing in at 236 pounds, DONNIE BRASCO!!!!!
(Fireworks explode as Donnie Brasco walks onto the ramp and walks down the aisle. We hear the announcers start to comment.)
Kurt Ross - Bar none, Donnie Brasco has to be the most under-rated superstar in the UNW today. He can really show his stuff in a match.
Merle Haggard Jr. - But the letdown in Donnie's career had to be when he lost to Juggernaut in the ladder match for the UNW Championship last year at Maximum Force 2K2. He had no chance against the 320 pound man-beast himself.
(Donnie Brasco slides into the ring and blows kisses to the crowd. The crowd is still silent in return as "La Donna e Mobile" fades out and then, "Perseverance" by Hatebreed starts to blast on the P.A. system as the fans cheer loudly. The entrance fogs up and then we hear Andy Mace once again on the P.A. System.)
Andy Mace - Now, his opponent, from Hamburg, New York, weighing in at 240 pounds, The UNW Hardkore Champion, SCORPION!!!!!
(The fans cheer loudly as Scorpion steps out of the entranceway with a water bottle and his UNW Hardkore title in his right hand, dragging it on the floor below him. Scorp is wearing his normal hardcore attire: Acid-wash jeans, elbowpads, kneepads, and light brown work boots. He is also wearing a black "Hatebreed" shirt. Scorpion puts the bottle of water to his mouth as he stands on the ramp. He pours some into his mouth, bows down, raises his head, and spits a stream of water into the air. The fans cheer as Scorpion runs down the ramp and slides right into the ring. Green and Red strobe lights pulsate above the ring as Scrorpion makes his way to the top rope and taunts the crowd by raising his arms up and pumping his fists. He then jumps down from the top rope, takes off his Hatebreed shirt.)
Merle Haggard Jr. - I used to be a tag team partner with Scorpion at one point, Kurt, as you might remember. He is truly a gifted competitor and loves to use weapons. I know that first hand.
Kurt Ross - Oh yeah, I remember Southern Sting. You guys were a great but short-lived team, Merle, but now he has his brother CobrA. Also, Scorpion is a great solo wrestler even without his brother CobrA by his side. 5 Time Hardkore Champ, Merle, you better believe Scorp. This man is for real.
(Aaron Tolmsa is once again the referee for this contest. He calls for the bell and it rings. Instantly, Scorpion backflips over the top rope, lands on his feet, and pulls a weapon out from behind the apron.)
Kurt Ross - Merle, it looks like Scorpion's looking for weapons already in this Hardcore Match!
Merle Haggard Jr. - Sure seems so, Kurt.
(Scorpion rummages through the apron and finds a steel chair. Little does he know, that above him, in the ring, stands Donnie Brasco. Scorpion gets his chair, and notices Donnie on top. Donnie then jumps on the top rope, and delivers a hard top-rope splash right to Scorpion outside the ring!!)
Kurt Ross - SPRINGBOARD PRESS!
Merle Haggard Jr. - Huh? I didn't see a springboard anywhere, Kurt. That looked more like a High Flying Body Press to me.
Kurt Ross - Oh...well...HIGH FLYING BODY PRESS!
(Scorpion and Donnie are both down on the matting outside the ring. Donnie gets to a half-kneel and grabs the chair that Scorpion dropped when Donnie gave him the high-flying body press from the top rope. Donnie then clutches the chair and waits for Scorpion to get to a half-kneel...and then...THWACK! A hard chair shot to the head of Scorpion!!! Scorp falls to the ground, busted up after the chair shot. Donnie Brasco laughs and drops the chair on the ground. He then goes back into the ring and tears a turnbuckle pad off. Donnie waits in the ring for Scorpion to come back in.)
Kurt Ross - Scorp's busted up!
Merle Haggard Jr. - Already? He has to be in a world of hurt right now. You don't wanna know what that feels like, because I had fifty stitches in my head from a chairshot once back in 2001 from a match with Street Dawg. Let me tell you, Kurt, that that guy was pure backyard. He didn't know how to use weapons at all. Thank God that I survived that match without being killed.
(Scorpion gets up slowly, and looks for weapons under the ring. He looks, rummaging once again, and finds a folding table! The fans cheer as he brings it out. Scorpion wipes the blood from his forehead and pushes the table into the ring. Scorpion then steps up the steel steps and heads into the ring himself, but soon gets hit with a running spear by Donnie Brasco. Scorpion is once again down. Donnie pulls the legs up on the table, flips it around, and puts it straight in the middle of the ring. Scorpion gets up, and ties up with Donnie in the corner of the ring. Scorpion sets Donnie Brasco up with a kick to the mid-section, turns around, springs off the ropes, jumps, and SCISSOR KICKS DONNIE!)
Merle Haggard Jr. - Scissor Kick, looks like he's taking a page out of the playbook of suckas.
(Scorpion flips over the top rope again, this time on the right side of the ring, opens the apron, and rummages around in it. He then pulls out another table! The crowd crescendos as Scorpion slides the table into the ring. Donnie Brasco is still out cold from the hard scissor kick. Scorpion sets up the table's legs and stacks it on top of the first table. The fans cheer loudly as Scorpion takes no time stomping on Donnie Brasco, once, twice, three times. Referee Aaron Tolmsa tells Scorpion to "back off" and Scorpion walks away and taunts the crowd by cutting the air. Scorpion walks around the ring, waiting for Donnie Brasco to stand up. Sure enough, after about six or so seconds on the mat, Donnie gets up. The two men walk towards eachother and tie up.)
Kurt Ross - They lock up...what's going to happen here?
Merle Haggard Jr. - I have no damn clue, Kurt. It looks to me like it can go either way.
(Scorpion, out of the tie-up, irish whips Donnie into the ropes. He bounces off the ropes, crosses mid-ring, and Scorpion nails him with a huge cross body block. The fans cheer as Scorp signals for his finisher, The Biter, by clamping his teeth down together. Donnie gets to one knee and Scorpion grapples him. He then delivers a kick to the mid-section once again, and then grabs Donnie's head. He then delivers a knee to Donnie's head. Then, Scorpion grabs Donnie's legs, picks him up above his head, and slams him down. That's The Biter, all right....Donnie Brasco is out. But, Scorpion picks Donnie up over his head and puts him on top of the second table. The fans go nuts as Scorpion heads for the turnbuckles.)
Kurt Ross - OH MY GOD! Here it comes, Merle, here it comes, fans, it's gonna be the Zenncore from the top rope!
Merle Haggard Jr. - The what now?
Kurt Ross - The Zenncore Frogsplash. It's a top-rope move that we are told will debut tonight.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Well, let's see what it is, Kurt.
(Scorpion jumps to the top rope, and raises his arms. The fans are all on their feet as Scorpion prepares to take Donnie through two tables!!! Scorpion taunts, putting both of his arms up...and finally jumps into the "Zenncore". He then goes into a cannonball dive position, and as he approaches the tables, he then spreads out into a splash position...he is near the table...and hits it! Donnie and Scorpion both go through one....two tables!!! The fans go wild!!!)
Kurt Ross - OH MY GOD! OH...MY...GOD!! SCORPION HAS JUST PUT DONNIE BRASCO THROUGH NOT ONE, BUT TWO TABLES!!!
Merle Haggard Jr. - This just proves, Kurt, that Scorpion has to be the most extreme wrestler we've seen in the history of the UNW.
(Now, the totally dazed Scorpion, with blood now covering his whole body, goes for the pin. Referee Aaron Tolmsa counts it. ONE! TWO! THREE! RING THE BELL! Aaron Tolmsa signals for the bell as "Perseverance" hits and the fans are all on their feet. Scorpion, wobbling to his feet, stands up and raises his UNW Hardkore title above his head. Aaron Tolmsa then raises his arm and Andy Mace announces the winner.)
Andy Mace - Your winner, by pinfall, the UNW Hardkore Champion, SCORPION!!!
(The fans cheer loudly as CobrA, Scorpion's tag partner and brother, steps out with a towel and wipes the blood off of Scorpion's face. The two then walk to the back as we are fed with replay footage.)
Kurt Ross - Wow, Merle, this match was even more over-the-top then last week's match between Scorpion's brother CobrA and HighFlyer Champ Jaime Emo. I have never seen a move like the Zenncore before and even though Donnie Brasco had the far upper hand in the beginning, Scorpion came right back.
Merle Haggard Jr. - He flies through the air, cannonball position, like he's diving into a pool, then he straightens his body right out and nails Donnie and sends him through two tables. I've never seen anything like that before, Kurt.
Kurt Ross - We'll be right back, fans, right after a word from our sponsors. Next up, it's Drew Potter vs. Steel.
Segment 5: Commercial Break #2
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Match 3:DREW POTTER vs. STEEL
(Right from the "Rap Joxx" commercial, we cut right to the entranceway, where "Lapdance" by N.E.R.D. plays. The entranceway fills up with white fog as Andy Mace goes on the P.A. System.)
Andy Mace - Ladies and gentlemen, now entering the ring, from Deltona, Florida, weighing 246 pounds, DREW POTTER!!!
(Drew Potter steps out of the entranceway, wearing his normal attire, his JNCO jeans with pulled up boxers. On the stage, Drew looks to the left and to the right, and then proceeds down the ramp and down the aisleway. He slides into the ring, making a ninety degree angle turn while in the ring. He gets up and pumps his fists on the top rope.)
Kurt Ross - Even though Drew Potter was the best competitor in his match-up with Chaos last week, he still lost the match because of a last-minute momentum swing by the so-called 'King of Trash Talk'.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Drew Potter has the potential to be one of the biggest names in the UNW today, but it still shows that he's still a rookie.
("Lapdance" fades out and then "Lose Yourself" by Eminem fades in as the crowd boos. Then, Steel steps out onto the stage. Andy Mace gets on the microphone again.)
Andy Mace - Now, the opponent, from Anchorage, Alaska, weighing in at 256 pounds, STEEL!!!
(Steel saunters down the ramp, down the aisle, and then climbs up the steel steps into the ring. He raises his arms up while he is in the ring.)
Kurt Ross - We haven't seen Steel wrestle in a while. But, even though the closest friend of the Alaskan Warriors has been absent, he still has some powerful moves which can make his opponents literally bounce off the mat.
Merle Haggard Jr. - I don't think Steel can cut it in the UNW. He's been criticized for being too lazy in the ring. We'll see what he does.
("Lose Yourself" fades out as the house lights come back on and Referee Richard Kahn calls for the bell. The two men come to the center of the ring and tie up.)
Kurt Ross - They tangle up...
(In the tie-up, Drew Potter sends a elbow to the head of Steel, and then irish whips him. Steel bounces into the ropes. Steel continues to run, and Drew Potter leap frogs over Steel, continuing Steel's run. Steel bounces off the adjacent ropes, and then gets caught with a Japanese Arm Drag by Drew Potter, sending Steel hard to the mat.)
Merle Haggard Jr. - Excellent execution by Drew Potter! This young man knows his wrestling mechanics!
(Steel gets up to his feet, walks over to Drew Potter, and pushes him. Drew pushes Steel back. Steel then grabs a hold of Drew's head, and lets go a hard punch to the jugular vein. Cheap shot! The fans boo as Steel shrugs his shoulders. Referee Richard Kahn goes over to Steel and yells at him for the cheapshot. Steel tells the referee to "go away" and Richard Kahn moves to the other side of the ring. Drew Potter is now standing, but selling the pain from his jugular vein. Steel walks over, taunts Drew by rubbing his eyes, to make Steel look like he's crying, and laughs. Drew, though, lets go of his jugular vein and taps on Steel's shoulder. Steel looks over, and then Drew Potter quickly picks Steel up over his head. He holds him there for a few seconds and drops Steel behind where he is standing, which is a Gorilla Press Slam.)
Kurt Ross - Body Slam!
Merle Haggard Jr. - For the second time tonight, Kurt, you're wrong. That was clearly a Gorilla Press Slam.
Kurt Ross - Yeah, whatever, it was a BODY SLAM, Merle.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Whatever, Kurt. Just don't cry when Scott Keith knocks on your door and bashes you to death in his report.
(After recovering from the Gorilla Press Slam, Steel rolls over and supports himself up with his arms. Steel and Potter tie up again. Steel then breaks free with a knee to the gut of Drew. Steel, then moves to Drew's backside and bulldogs him, sending Drew yelping in pain down on the canvas.)
Merle Haggard Jr. - Vicious Bulldog there by Steel.
(As Drew gets up on hands and knees, Steel, still standing, delivers a kick right to the body, sending Drew Potter back down to the canvas. Steel then stomps on Drew's spinal area, which makes Drew lie in pain down on the canvas. Steel just walks away laughing hysterically. But, now Drew Potter is getting up. The fans start to cheer as he gets to two knees, then back standing. Steel, thinking the fans are cheering for him, blows kisses to the crowd. But, then, Drew Potter taps once again on Steel's shoulder. Steel is shocked. Then, out of seemingly nowhere, Drew Potter pulls out a move out of his arsenal, a F-5 into a Diamond Cutter called the Money Drop! The fans go wild as Drew Potter raises his hands and tells Steel to "get up". Steel gets up after about three seconds, and then, Drew Potter gets ready. Steel gets up, and then Drew Potter runs over and BURIES Steel with THE KA$HFLOW! That's his finisher! The crowd goes nuts as Steel is out cold.)
Kurt Ross - What impact and brilliant execution by Drew Potter with the KA$HFLOW!
(Drew goes for the pin. Referee Richard Kahn counts it. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! Richard Kahn calls for the bell and it rings. "Lapdance" hits again as Drew Potter gets his arm raised by Richard Kahn. Drew then goes to the top rope and poses to the crowd. He then grabs a microphone and "Lapdance" fades out.)
Drew Potter - Yo...the UNW ain't ready for me yet. But I proved something to that punk-ass Steel in the ring. He ain't gonna mess with Drew Potter no more! Soon the UNW is going to find out just who I am. I'm out.
("Lapdance" hits again as Drew Potter leaves the ring.)
Kurt Ross - Drew Potter...he's got talent, that's for sure.
Merle Haggard Jr. - You can bet on that, Kurt. Just look at the Ka$hflow. He can dominate any wrestler the UNW has to offer with that move only.
Match 4: C.V. Paul vs. Wes Tomerka...or is it???
Kurt Ross - Wait, Merle, I think something's happening backstage right before our North American Title Match here.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Let's see what's happening.
(We see C.V. Paul in the locker room being ambushed by three men, who are Blood, Wes Tomerka, and Shotman. They are all stomping on him at once. C.V. Paul is yelling in pain on the ground, but the members of Team Regime try to shut him up with their stomping.)
Merle Haggard Jr. - HELL no! Three members of Team Regime are beating on C.V. Paul! This is not good. Not good at all.
(Shotman tells The Regime members to stop stomping. He holds the battered C.V. Paul up. Wes and Blood execute vicious head and body punches to batter C.V. even more until Shotman lets him fall down to the ground and then they continue to stomp. North American Champion Wes Tomerka tells the members of Team Regime to stop because he has other plans.)
Wes Tomerka - WAIT! Stop. I have a better idea than just stomping 'im to death. Shot and Blood, hold him up again. Let me get my belt.
(We hear the fans in the background, picked up from Merle and Kurt's mics, booing loudly. Wes Tomerka gets his UNW North American Title and then holds it in front of C.V.'s face, moving it in a "come and get it" motion. He begins to speak.)
Wes Tomerka - Hey, PAUL! Here's the title! Get it! GET IT! GET IT!!!!!!!!!! It's all YOURS, PAUL! Oh! Wait! YOU CAN'T HAVE IT because you CAN'T BEAT ME. So leave your stupid ass at the door and take your star-spangled patriotism with you! Shot, get the flag from his locker there.
(Shotman reaches over in C.V.'s locker and pulls out a small American flag.)
Kurt Ross - Oh My God! No! What the hell are they gonna do with the flag???
(Shotman gives Wes the flag. Wes rolls the flag up, puts it around C.V.'s mouth, and ties it up.)
Wes Tomerka - OK. That looks perfect. Now, Shot, get the tape.
(Shotman reaches over in an adjacent locker and gets a roll of gaffer tape. He gets it and moves toward the back of C.V. Paul. He then wraps the tape several times over C.V.'s hands, tying them up. Then, Blood and Shotman let go of C.V. and let him lie on the floor. They all laugh evilly as Wes Tomerka leaves the room. Shotman and Blood follow, but Blood turns off the light and closes the door to the room. C.V. has just been bound and gagged by three members of Team Regime!!!)
Merle Haggard Jr. - Well, it looks like Team Regime are back to their old antics, regardless of if NickZ left them earlier this week.
Kurt Ross - Merle, I'll tell you what. These bullies are now becoming a major threat to the wrestlers in the UNW...God only knows what these guys are gonna do next.
Match 5:ANYBODY KILLAH vs. CobrA (UNW Internet Title On The Line)
Writing Credit:Justin Ballard
Kurt Ross - Well...on to our next match. Our announcer Andy Mace is in the ring.
Andy Mace - The next match, set for one fall with no time limit...is for the vacant UNW Internet Title... Introducing first...
(The lights fade and "Hollowpoint" by Anybody Killah hits.)
Andy Mace - From Royal Oak, Michigan, weighing 224 pounds, ANYBODY KILLAH!!!
(The crowd boos as ABK makes his way onto the ramp. Pyros go off and ABK throws his hands up. He doesn't seem to care as he walks down and enters the ring. He gets up on the turnbuckle, taunting the fans, who boo their heads off in response. ABK hops down and waits for CobrA.)
Andy Mace And now.. his opponent...from Hamburg, New York, weighing 200 pounds, CobrA!!!
("Bled for Days" by Static X starts to play...Strobes go off and the crowd cheers. CobrA comes out, and as he is walking down to the ring, makes the gesture that says the belt will be his. He points at ABK and motions that he is going to break him in half.)
Kurt Ross - Man...he's determined tonight. He may just pull this one out. I mean I love to see him smack that punk ABK around. But, I must admit that ABK is a great wrestler.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Not half the wrestler of Dynamite Newton! I hope CobrA beats him!!!
Kurt Ross - Well, you ARE entitled to your opinion, Merle.
(The crowd begins to get into it.)
Kurt Ross - See, this FtW thing has forced you to root for CobrA. But even with you, ABK is way too tough. This guy is living on borrowed time. If I was him I would be wrestling with my eye on that ramp.
Merle Haggard Jr. - If you were him, you wouldn't be getting paid minimum wage!
Kurt Ross - That too! I wonder if the four guys we saw with ABK this week will get invited to ringside.
Merle Haggard Jr. - I hope not...I wanna see me a good match here!
(Referee Aaron Tolmsa calls for the bell and CobrA goes out of the ring and slides a table inside, but Aaron Tolmsa catches him and slides it right out. CobrA advances back into the ring, arguing with the ref, but CobrA does not know that ABK is behind him. ABK whips CobrA easily to the corner. CobrA hits the turnbuckle and flies out onto his butt. ABK picks him up and does it again. This time, CobrA puts on the breaks in the corner. ABK charges in and CobrA moves. CobrA hits a hurricanranna and covers. ONE! TWO! ABK kicks out and gets up.)
Merle Haggard Jr - Man, he really got up there, didn't he!
Kurt Ross - Huh?
Merle Haggard Jr. - Nothing.
(CobrA gets up, and hits ABK with a clothesline that barely moves ABK...CobrA backs up and feints a clothesline...ABK ducks and then CobrA spears him! ABK gets up, and CobrA then tries a hard drop kick...but ABK avoided it. ABK then picks CobrA up from the ground and suplexes him hard! ABK, seeing that CobrA is stunned, goes up to the top rope!! ABK taunts, then comes down with a Frog Splash!!! Cover! ONE! TWO! CobrA's foot is on the ropes! Referee Aaron Tolmsa tells ABK to break up the pin.)
Kurt Ross - CobrA with his foot on the ropes!
Merle Haggard Jr - Come on CobrA...get in the match! He's not really pulling anything spectacular.
(ABK pulls him up but CobrA counters with a punch to the gut. CobrA slides out the ring. ABK follows and CobrA tries to get the advantage. CobrA with a few punches. The two men tie up and CobrA whips ABK to the ring post. CobrA is rummaging under the ring, looking for a weapon...and he pulls out a lead pipe!)
Kurt Ross - Oh my god. CobrA has a lead pipe! This isn't really good for ABK right now, and you know how hardcore CobrA can get.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Hey, remember that guy with Nick Benoit earlier, Benny the Cameraman? It looks like he pulled out his crack pipe there!! Haha!!!
Kurt Ross - What?! Does that look like a crack pipe to you? NO. That's a lead pipe, Merle.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Oh.
(CobrA winds up...and nails ABK with the pipe! ABK falls down to the matting outside the ring. Referee Aaron Tolmsa is outside the ring trying to take the lead pipe from CobrA. CobrA rolls ABK in and CobrA soon follows. ABK is still stunned. CobrA looks at the situation and he climbs the ropes and calls for the 450 splash. CobrA jumps...he sails through the air with the 450...and hits it! CobrA gets up and taunts to the crowd, who reply with cheers.)
Merle Haggard Jr. - Man, he's gonna end up losing the match over that...Look, CobrA, stop celebrating and cover him right now!!!
Kurt Ross - Wait, CobrA is calling for the Napalm Death...What's going on here?
(CobrA calls for the Napalm Death and climbs up to the top rope again. He then signals...and then hits ABK's own move on him!! The fans are cheering rabidly as CobrA celebrates again and ABK suddenly gets up.)
Kurt Ross - ABK's had enough of this. He's up!
(ABK then grapples CobrA and hits him with a lethal Samoan Drop, which sends CobrA to the mat. ABK then calls for the Napalm Death again and then goes to the top rope and executes it! ABK goes for the pin. ONE! TWO! THREE! ABK is the new Internet Champion.)
Kurt Ross - This one's in the books!! ABK is the NEW UNW Internet Champion!
Merle Haggard Jr. - Man...I actually thought that ABK might get put out by his own move, but ABK got up like a immortal being and just told CobrA how it was really done, and look, we have a new Internet Champ.
Segment 7:Commercials #3
Kurt Ross - Now, here's the part of the show where we introduce our fine sponsors. UNW HighStakes is brought to you by Revolution Studios. Get off your ass and get onto revolutionstudios.org right now.
Merle Haggard Jr. - ...and by Big BumpZ by our friends at MDickie Software. Think you can pull off stunts like the pros can? Prove it in Big BumpZ. Get it now at 's Free!!!
Kurt Ross - ...and also by RAP JOXX - The legends of Rap - from The Sugar Hill Gang all the way to Jay-Z, they are all here.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Next Up, Dynamite Newton faces Salvatore for the UNW Championship. Let's go to the ring right now.
MAIN EVENT:SALVATORE vs. DYNAMITE NEWTON
(UNW Championship On The Line)
(We cut to the entranceway and then "Luna Mezzo Mare" by Lou Monte hits. The fans cheer as Salvatore steps out. Andy Mace gets back on the P.A. System.)
Andy Mace - Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the main event of the evening for the UNW Championship! Now, entering the ring, from Sicily, Italy, weighing 265 pounds, being accompanied by Tera Patrick, SALVATORE!!!
(The fans cheer as Salv and Tera step into the entranceway. A row of fireworks explode in back of them as "Mr. And Mrs. UNW" walk down the ramp, down the aisle, and into the ring. Salvatore enters the ring first, and then opens the ropes for Tera to get in. Then, the fans cheer as Salvatore poses to the fans.)
Kurt Ross - The Mobster Is Back! Salvatore and Tera Patrick are ready to take on Newton here in St. Paul!!!
("Luna Mezzo Mare" fades out and "Criminal" by Eminem hits. The fans cheer even louder as Dynamite Newton steps out with his UNW Championship on his shoulder. He is wearing red tights and sunglasses. Then, Andy Mace gets back on the P.A. system.)
Andy Mace - Now, entering the ring, from Newcastle-upon-Tyne, England, he is the UNW Champion, "The Future", DYNAMITE NEWTON!!!
(The fans cheer as Dynamite appears on the stage as a huge row of pyrotechnics explode behind him. The arena is covered in white as Newton runs down the ramp, down the aisle, and slides into the ring. Newton then goes to the top rope and raises his arms up to the fans.)
Kurt Ross - Here he is, folks, the biggest name in the UNW today. Dynamite Newton, himself, in the flesh. Can he reach 19 undefeated matches tonight?
Merle Haggard Jr. - That remains to be seen, Kurt. It's gonna be damn impressive if he does.
(Referee Aaron Tolmsa calls for the bell and then the two men go to the center of the ring and stare each other down. After a few moments of staring, Newton pushes Salvatore down to the mat. The fans cheer as Newton laughs and points down at the downed Salvatore.)
Kurt Ross - What a way to start off a match. Pushing your opponent down...how pathetic. Is it just me or is Newton getting lazy in the ring?
Merle Haggard Jr. - No, I don't see anything wrong with that.
(Salvatore gets up and ties up once again with Newton. Then, Salvatore pushes Newton down again. The crowd cheers even more as Salvatore wipes his hands and picks up Newton by the head and whips him into the ropes. Newton bounces off the ropes, and runs right into Salvatore's boot! A huge Big Boot by Salvatore lays Dynamite down onto the mat. Dynamite gets up instantly and the two men stare each other down again.)
Kurt Ross - A lot of staring down, huh, Merle?
Merle Haggard Jr. - I love staredowns. It makes the match more enjoyable.
(They still stare each other down. Suddenly, the lights go black! The fans scream as suddenly the lights come back on. Then, we see, in the ring, Barry White and Salvatore beating down Newton.)
Kurt Ross - BARRY WHITE! WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING OUT HERE?
Merle Haggard Jr. - Beating up Newton.
Kurt Ross - I didn't mean it like that. He wasn't even supposed to be here tonight!
(Then, Referee Aaron Tolmsa calls for the bell. There's a DQ on the part of Barry White. The fans boo loudly as Andy Mace gets back on the P.A. System.)
Andy Mace - Fans, the winner of this match by disqualification, DYNAMITE NEWTON!!!
(The fans boo because of the D.Q. as Barry and Salv walk up the ramp, pointing to the downed Newton who is still out cold in the ring. The fans boo loudly as we fade out...)
