Post by Goldash on Apr 23, 2008 14:33:22 GMT -5
NOTE: FOR THOSE CONFUSED WITH ANY ANGLES, NAMES OR CHARACTERS, MY EXPLANATION WILL IMMEDIATELY FOLLOW THE EVENT.
Segment 1: A Sudden Staff Meeting
(Writing Credit: NickZ)
(We are at the back entrance of the Georgia Dome, when we see a black pick-up pull up to the building. We hear a loud bassline thumping out of it. It is a huge truck which looks like a brand-new 2003 Ford F-350. The windows are tinted, so we can't see the face of the driver. Suddenly, the huge F-350's lights turn off and the engine and the bassline halt with it. The door opens, and it is left open for a few minutes. We see a leg emerge...then a top of a head...finally the door closes, and a man with black hair and a small goatee steps out...DAVE J! He turns toward the F-350, pulling out a keypad and pressing a button. Then, the horn beeps once and the car has been securely locked. Dave steps through view of the camera. The camera pans over to Dave walking into the Georgia Dome. The cameraman outside tries to catch up to Dave, but gets stopped by the painted white door, which upon it, says "AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY" on it. Yet, though, we cut to a different cameraman, whose feed is in the hallway where Dave is walking. We get a head-on view of Dave as he walks down a large hallway. We can hear fans cheering...as this hallway is close to the seats where the fans are sitting. They are watching this, Dave knows, from the Roughness Tron inside the packed Georgia Dome. Dave turns to a door, and knocks on it. The camera pans to see the door...it is painted gray and says "V.I.P. Room for Event Personnel". There is no answer to the door as Dave knocks on it again. We hear an inaudible voice from behind the door...as it opens and we see VinceNeil1981 in front of the camera. He doesn't know that Dave has knocked...and the two stare down each other, with a look of udder madness on both of their faces. Suddenly, Dave J. is the first one to speak.)
Dave J. - Well, HELLO.
(VinceNeil1981 now looks at Dave with a look of sarcasm.)
VinceNeil1981 - (Mocking Out Dave) Well, HELLO! Isn't it a splendid day? Huh? (Back in his normal voice) Gimme a break, Dave. Get the hell in this room. Joe's called a meeting. He'll be in here any second. He went out for some...uhh...coffee.
(As Dave steps into the executive room, Arianna, already sitting down, rises to greet Dave.)
Arianna - Hi, Da...
(Dave interrupts.)
Dave J. - Hello, Arianna. No, you don't have to say anything more.
(Vince turns toward Dave, once again, masking the fact that he's pissed at Dave for being in the room.)
VinceNeil1981 - DAVE...you don't treat the UNW Chairwoman that way.
(Dave stops walking, and turns back towards Vince. He starts to say something...then turns away, heading toward the circular table in the middle of the room. Then, Vince, keeping his feeling of madness from Arianna in the room, he sits down at the table, directly across from Dave. Suddenly, the door swings open and Joe Johnson steps in with a thermos of coffee in one hand. He enters the room, making eye contact with the staff, yet says nothing as he moves toward a cupboard above a countertop near the table. He puts the thermos of coffee on the countertop and opens the cupboard. He pulls out four cups from the cupboard and tilts the thermos as to pour. Then, the coffee slips out of it in a rush as he pours the coffee into one cup, then the second one, then the third, then the fourth. He then puts the thermos the right side up on the countertop. He grabs two cups of coffee in both hands, walks over to the table and gives the cups to Dave and Arianna. Joe walks back to the countertop and grabs the other two cups. He gives one of them to Vince, and keeps one of them in his hand, obviously for himself. Joe takes a seat at the head of the table and takes a sip of the coffee. He starts to speak to the staff.)
Joe Johnson - Ahhh...good coffee....good TURKISH coffee...
(Suddenly, as Arianna begins to take a sip, she spits out all of the TURKISH coffee all out on the table. Dave starts to laugh. Arianna notices that Dave is laughing at her, and begins to slap Dave, but Joe intervenes.)
Joe Johnson - GUYS! GUYS! Stop the nonsense...we have work to do.
(At Joe's order, Arianna sits back down and dries off the table with a handkerchief from her pocket. Dave stops his laughing just as Vince starts to take a sip of some turkish coffee. Joe looks relieved and he begins to speak again.)
Joe Johnson - Much better. You see, this Turkish Coffee is popular among the Turkish, the Arabs, and the Macedonians...
(Joe stops talking and looks around at the table. The staff stares right back at him. Joe's facial expression turns from relieved to annoyed. Dave begins to speak.)
Dave J. - Which means what?
(Silence. Dead Air. For about ten seconds, the table is frozen in confusion. We cut right back to Joe. Joe is VERY annoyed, and begins to speak.)
Joe Johnson - HELLO! I'm trying to send you a SIGNAL, here! A signal that Nick is returning very soon. I just got in contact with him. He is in Oahu, vacationing away from this cold and wintery hell-hole we know as the Eastern Seaboard. He told me to tell you all, especially you two, Vince and Dave, that your contest is OFF. Even though I am the interim owner of the UNW, I will be the co-owner of the UNW when Nick comes back, no doubt about it. Nick just told me to tell you guys that.
(Vince and Dave both are angry at this decision...and mutter curse words to themselves and each other under their breath. These two men can hardly understand each other, even though they are cousins. Joe waits for them to stop their whining, until he can begin talking again. Finally, they regain their composure about the issue and then turn toward Joe, who now has a calm expression on his face. Joe, now begins to speak.)
Joe Johnson - Thank you, both, for your...umm...how shall I say it...
(Arianna interrupts.)
Arianna - ...bitching...
(Both Vince and Dave turn their heads toward Arianna with a look of annoyance toward her unwelcome addition. Arianna responds to the expressions on their faces.)
Arianna - Hey, just tryin' to help. It's hard being the minority on this staff.
(Dave retorts Arianna's comment.)
Dave J - You can say that again.
(Arianna rises out of his seat with an expression of sadistic madness. She winds up her arm, and slaps Dave right across the face. SMACK! The sound echoes throughout the room. Now, it's Vince's turn to laugh, as he laughs so hard, that his face goes right down onto the finished wooden table. Joe, once again, breaks up the conflict.)
Joe Johnson - PLEASE...GUYS...YOU GUYS ARE BEING IMMATURELY ROWDY RIGHT NOW...AND I DON'T LIKE A BIT OF IT! Now, sit down, before I call the local day care to take your pathetic, immature asses out of here.
(Arianna sits down, Dave regains composure, and Vince stops laughing, yet his face is purely red. They all look towards Joe after what he said. Joe begins to talk, once again.)
Joe Johnson - Good. It's good that you took my joke somewhat seriously. I applaud all of you for that. Anyway, what was I gonna say? You guys made me forget everything with your unwarrantable nonsense. You guys better cool it, or else I'll be the one who is gonna be on vacation...
(Joe Johnson sinks deep into his chair, closing his eyes, thinking deeply of what subject he was going to bring up. He then opens back his eyes, and in a serious expression, his thought comes back to him. He sits back up.)
Joe Johnson - OK, I thought of the next item on the agenda. Tonight, we are going to have a big main event. Now, we don't want another "Love & Hate" to happen in the main event. We almost got sued by the fan that ABK sprayed with his mace. Now, tonight, we need to increase ringside security during the Salv/Barry match, the Battle Royal, and the Main Event. We don't want any fans getting TOO pissed off, do we?
(Joe looks at the staff, who, through all this important information that Joe has just told them, have paid no attention. Vince and Dave both stare each other down, and Arianna taps a pen up and down on the desk, with her chin resting on her hand. We pan back to the face of Joe Johnson, who looks very angered at what happened.)
Joe Johnson - ALL RIGHT! MEETING ADJOURNED...I HAD SOME OTHER THINGS TO SAY, BUT I GUESS THEY'RE NOT TOO IMPORTANT. You guys have to pay attention in the next meeting we have. Goodbye. You all know what you have to do tonight, anyway. So, have a good PPV, and remember what I said...because I MEANT EVERY WORD OF IT!
(Joe leaves, stomping out of the room. The staff look at each other and shrug their shoulders. They turn on the TV in the room, as we fade to black...)
Segment 2: Digital Mayhem 2003 Intro
(Writing Credit: NickZ)
(After we fade to black, suddenly lightning crashes on the screen. We see rain falling on a three-dimensional model of the sea. We see a boat in the middle of this storm...and then we tilt up. In the water, we see footage of Newton, ABK, and Jaime Emo in various spots of their careers. Then, we zoom higher up...we see moments of !nterogative, John Shaft's, and Chaos's careers. We zoom even higher and then see footage of Barry White and Salvatore staring eachother down in the water. Suddenly, we pan right down from the sky to the surface of the water, and lighting strikes the water...then, suddenly, a huge rock rises out of the 3D water...we pan around and see the Digital Mayhem 2003 logo as that "rock" in the ocean. The ocean fades out and we are left with the Digital Mayhem 2003 logo....then, suddenly, it bursts apart as we see footage from matches. A song is now played during this montage of clips. It is "Fly From the Inside" by Shinedown. The montage of clips shift from Salvatore's entrance to the moment when Jaime Emo stepped out of his car after the coma, to Newton's huge title win at Revenge 2003, to ABK spraying Scorpion with mace at Love & Hate, and finally to footage of Barry and Salvatore staring each other down. The footage ends and a 3d version of the Digital Mayhem logo appears on the screen. A voiceover comes on the screen.)
Voiceover - And Now...Digital Mayhem 2003...The Mayhem Has Begun...
(The screen of the 3d logo bursts, using some creative transitions, thanks to the Special FX boys in the production trailer. We now proceed to the arena.)
Segment 3: Arena Introduction
(Writing Credit: NickZ)
("Fly From The Inside" by Shinedown now plays in the arena as the fans go wild in the crowd. It is a packed house at the home of the Atlanta Falcons, the Georgia Dome in Atlanta, Georgia. The fans are rowdy, going nuts for the UNW. The fans in the arena start to chant "U-N-DUB!" "U-N-DUB!" as fireworks explode around the new circular set. The set is set in the shape of a large sphere, covering the ramp like a huge igloo. It is made of red scaffolding. It begins right from the top of the Roughness Tron and ends right before the fan section at ringside, on the ground. The set is basically a large wireframe sphere, with a hole cut through the front end for the ramp. The Entranceway is in the shape of a rectangle, and it has the UNW logo on it. A circular, red UNW Roughness Tron lies above the entryway, for the wrestler entrance movies and for the fans to see backstage segments. The fireworks explode from every scaffold of the sphere, in a vertical fashion. Then, the house lights come on and we pan around the crowd. The fans hold up many signs. The crane camera focuses in on the signs around the arena. We see signs in the audience which say:
ATL CAN'T HANDLE ABK
BOOK FUSION NEXT TIME
DATE MY GIRLFRIEND, EMO, SHE'S A BITCH!
MR. MAMBO vs. MR. SLOW-DANCE = MR. BORING!
There are a MULTITUDE of signs in the crowd, yet there are too many that the camera can't pick up on. The fans are still going crazy in the crowd as we go, now, to ringside with Kurt Ross and Merle Haggard Jr.)
Kurt Ross - HERE WE ARE, FANS, DIGITAL MAYHEM 2003! THE MOMENT WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR IS HERE! I'm Kurt Ross and the person adjacent to me is "The Poet of the Common Man", Merle Haggard Junior. Merle, the PPV is gonna be big. We've got so many great matches here tonight, it's hard to count them all.
Merle Haggard Jr. - What are you talking about, Kurt? It's six. And they're all worthy of the title "AWESOME MATCH". They're all gonna be perfect tonight. And, in the words of Dick Vitale, They're AWESOME, BABY!!!!
Kurt Ross - HAHA, Merle, sometimes you really crack me up. The best part about this Pay-Per-View is that we get to see two of the biggest men in UNW history go at it. Barry White against Salvatore. The leader of the Self Proclaimed Icons against the leader of Il Mafia. Merle, what do you think of that?
Merle Haggard Jr. - Kurt, you gotta understand, like I said on Friday, Salvatore is more focused than ever on wrestling. The theatrics don't matter to him anymore. It's gonna be Barry or Salv. Salv or Barry. Who's gonna win? That's to be determined, but in my opinion, Salv's gonna have the cake and eat it too.
Kurt Ross - Merle, what I'm really concerned about is what's gonna happen in that three-way match for the UNW Championship later tonight.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Man, I'm excited for that match. There's no telling what's gonna happen. It's gonna be something bigger than what you've seen on HighStakes...bigger than at Love & Hate...Jaime Emo, ABK, and Newton...it's gonna be the match of the year, Kurt, for sure, and you can count on that one. Throw those "garbage matches" into the trash where they belong, like Newton vs. Intero, and Newton vs. White...this match is the REAL DEAL. The UNW is gonna show what they are made of with this match right here, tonight, live from Atlanta, where the party don't stop 'till 8 in the mornin'!
Kurt Ross - You said that right. The fans and even the color commentator are excited for this one. Tonight is gonna be a night where the tides turn and the bodies burn...it's gonna be BIG!
Merle Haggard Jr. - I couldn't have said that better myself. This night is gonna be jam packed, so don't change the station, don't re-adjust your satellite, don't have your infant chew your cable...don't even go to the fridge for some beer...just stay here with us, tonight, because if you stray away, you're gonna miss something, especially on a night like this!
Kurt Ross - Hopefully, fans, you WILL stay with us tonight. Let's go to the ring.
Segment 4: Il Mafia are Mad
(Writing Credit: NickZ)
(Then, out of the blue, as we await the Chaos and Man In Black Match, "Luna Mezzo Mare" by Lou Monte hits. The fans boo loudly as the whole group of Il Mafia step out through the entranceway, into the spherical set. Salvatore leads the group, standing straight in front, then Sunnie Black, Tommie Brasco, and Donnie Brasco in back of him. Two other men are there as well, standing next to Donnie and Sunnie on the left and right sides. First Green, then White, and lastly, Red fireworks explode from the sphere's scaffolding. Then, Il Mafia step down the ramp, and make their way out of the sphere set as they approach the aisle.)
Kurt Ross - Il Mafia are here, and they don't look too happy.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Che La Luna Mezzo Mare...man, that theme kicks ass.
Kurt Ross - How so? It's traditional Italian music.
Merle Haggard Jr. - It's still GOOD, Kurt. OK? It's good. Good music.
Kurt Ross - Well, Merle, it isn't exactly my cup of tea...
Merle Haggard Jr. - Of course it isn't. But I've got different ranges of music. From ABBA all the way to ZZ Top.
Kurt Ross - ABBA?
Merle Haggard Jr. - Don't ask. My wife likes ABBA, not me, but I still like "Take A Chance On Me"...I'll sing that right now if you want, Kurt!
Kurt Ross - NOOOOO!!!!
Merle Haggard Jr. - OK, then. I don't have to sing ABBA. I'll sing Merle Haggard then.
Kurt Ross - Please, Merle, you don't have to sing your father's music. This isn't sing-a-long with Merle, here.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Hey..."Sing Along With Merle Haggard Jr"...good idea, Kurt, maybe I can sell that when DarkSide Tees is open!
Kurt Ross - Umm, Merle, DarkSide Tees is only a T-SHIRT store.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Oh yeah! Why didn't I remember that earlier??
(By this time, Il Mafia have already moved into the ring. Salvatore pulls a microphone out of his trenchcoat and begins to speak. "Luna Mezzo Mare" cuts and the fans are still busy booing Il Mafia. The camera's focal point is Salvatore, who is settling the microphone in his hand. He turns his head, staring at the booing crowd. He then speaks.)
Salvatore - Home of the Falcons, Home of the Thrash, Salvatore is here, you pieces of redneck TRASH!
(The fans start to boo very loudly as Salvatore smirks at the crowd. His face is wrinkled and aged, but he still has the mic skills to back up his age. Salv crosses the ring as Il Mafia stand right in the middle of the ring, with their hands clamped behind their backs. The booing ceases and Salv gets back on the microphone.)
Salvatore - You know, it's been a long time since I recieved that reaction. Back when Il Mafia was simply known as "The Mafia". Now, with the name Il Mafia, we are back to our Italian roots. Once you join this family, you can't break free without your head being caught in a vice. Unfortunately, Antonio Ganti, way back in Il Mafia's younger days, found that out with his death. Even after his death, Antonio's spirit still lives on in every one of us. That spirit of Antonio Ganti told us that we should avenge his death. Forget all about what you remembered us to be at Intoxication 2K2 way back in July. This is the new Mafia. This is the better Mafia. And with Sunnie, Donnie, Tommie, and now Pete and Antonio by my side, the Mafia just got even more stronger.
(The fans send out boos as Salv gets off the mic and passes it to Donnie Brasco. Salv takes his place, standing with his arms clenched behind his back. Donnie stands in front of the other members of Il Mafia.)
Kurt Ross - Salv made a point. They ARE stronger and more focused than ever before. Let's see what Donnie is gonna do now.
Merle Haggard Jr. - The UNW better watch out for Il Mafia, they're gonna be tearing up the fed now that they let go of all the theatrics.
(Donnie begins to speak.)
Donnie Brasco - Yo, Salv, you made a point there. All these pisian in the U-N-Dubya who wanna make a point, a revelation, a statement, they better shut their damn MOUTHS! What Don Salvatore is tryin' to tell ya is that he is fed up with all ya bitchin' and ya moanin' about Barry White, the SPI, Newton, ABK, Jaime Emo...man, those pisian aren't doin' nothin' in this fed. Who's gonna make the impact? Il Mafia, straight up yo' alley, PISIAN!
(The fans, once again, boo in response. Donnie Brasco passes the microphone over to Sunnie Black. Donnie takes the place of Sunnie, standing like all the other Il Mafia members are standing.)
Merle Haggard Jr. - PISIAN! HAHA! This man really knows how to make a guy laugh.
Kurt Ross - I don't think it's that funny.
Merle Haggard Jr. - C'mon, Kurt, have a little laugh! It's good for your self-esteem.
Kurt Ross - Ha. Ha. OK, let's see what Sunnie has to say.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Ahh...c'mon, Kurt, put some PEP in your STEP!
(Sunnie prepares to talk.)
Sunnie Black - Yo, I'm gonna make this short and sweet. Lemme break it to ya' in the Italian language.
(The fans start to boo and chant "ITALY SUCKS!" "ITALY SUCKS!", but Sunnie interrupts their chanting, and speaks Italian.)
Sunnie Black - Le persone me fermano sulla strada e dice, Yo, Sunnie, perché lei succhia cosà molto? Prendo cosà arrabbiato quando ciò sento. Lei sa, sono malato di esso, dunque ho unito sostiene col mio pisian qui nella Mafia di Il e ho messo quei commenti per riposarsi. CosÃ, UNW, prende pronto, perché la Mafia di Sunnie ed Il sono pronta al pounce!
(The fans start to boo even louder than before, even though most of them did not even understand as Sunnie passes the microphone to Tommie.)
Kurt Ross - Tommie Brasco, brother of Donnie, is now getting on the mic.
Merle Haggard Jr. - YAWN...tell me whan it's over.
Tommie Brasco - YO, UNW, I come in here and the people crowd around me, they say that I'm such a rookie, ya know? They say that I can easily get beat down. Well, man, for all those people that say that Tommie Brasco is gonna be exterminated, I gotta...I gotta...I JUST GOTTA SAY...SHUT UPPA YO' MOUTH!!!
(The fans continue to boo after the newcomer, Tommie Brasco, cuts his part of the promo. The mic is passed back to Salvatore. Salv comes to the front once again.)
Salvatore - Well, there you have it. Il Mafia. But, who are these men back here, you redneck scumbags ask? Who are the men who will set the wrestling world on fire? The man to the left's name is Pete Andolini and the man to the right is Antonio Clemenza. They are the Super Powers of Italy. No one, not !nterogative, not Newton, not even that freak named The Anybody Killah, can get through these men.
(The fans begin to cheer at the mention of all the faces' names. But, then, Salvatore rudely interrupts their cheers to make a finish to his promo.)
Salvatore - You say that these men...Intero, ABK, and Newton are the men to beat in the UNW? Well, you got the wrong choice. These men behind me will revolutionize wrestling as you know it. And, at Spring Breakdown, VinceNeil1981, that Hardquare Match of yours will be won by the men who will take over the sport of wrestling....IL MAFIA! So, UNW, IL MAFIA EHA DI RITORNO DI UCCIDERE!!
(The fans start, once again, to boo as "Luna Mezzo Mare" hits. Il Mafia then, one by one, walk out of the ring and follow Salvatore back up the aisle.)
Kurt Ross - Il Mafia, as you said it earlier, Merle, are gonna be back on top in the UNW.
Merle Haggard Jr. - With a promo like that, how can you go wrong? The UNW is bound to notice.
(Il Mafia start up the ramp, and enter into the spherical set, then leave through the entranceway.)
Kurt Ross - There's no telling what Salvatore's got up his sleeve for later tonight when he faces Barry White for the #1 Contendership of the UNW Championship at SBD:03 next month.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Spring Breakdown 2003...it's gonna be great. I can't wait...but, still, Digital Mayhem awaits! Let's go to the ring for the first match of the night.
Match 1: CHAOS vs. THE MAN IN BLACK
(UNW Rookie Title Match)
(Writing Credit: NickZ)
(Instead of going to the ring, we cut backstage. Chaos is sitting in Joe Johnson's office, talking to him.)
Chaos - What the fuck do you want, I'm late for my match, Joe!
Joe Johnson - Chaos...it seems like that "Man In Black" character is nowhere to be found. But...if he does appear, I have a stipulation. The match is a falls count anywhere match...and it will take place when you walk out this door...so be forewarned...this man could appear at any time.
(Chaos looks at Joe crazily.)
Chaos - Man, you're crazy. This man isn't in the building, so why do you think I'll fight him?
(Joe responds.)
Joe Johnson - Because, Chaos, you'll be in for one hell of a surprise when you walk out that door.
(Chaos looks annoyed.)
Chaos - You're smokin' something, Joe, there ain't no dudes behind that door, and there probably never will be, so I'm gonna be waiting in the ring, and whoever wants to bring it can show up. Get it? Good.
(Chaos steps out of his seat and opens the door. Suddenly, though, the Man In Black appears when Chaos opens the door, giving Chaos a big boot right to the face. Chaos falls down to the carpeting of the V.I.P. room, unconscious. He makes the cover on Chaos after one move. Joe Johnson sits back in his seat and speaks the count. ONE! TWO! THREE! Joe laughs as Chaos stands up after his "loss", very angered. Joe, laughing, sends Chaos out of the room.)
Joe Johnson - Chaos...tonight is your last night with the company. By word of the vacationing NickZ, your contract will be terminated as of 12:00 tonight, so, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE!
(Chaos gets kicked out of the room by The Man In Black...and then, MIB gives Joe the Rookie Title.)
Joe Johnson - Thank you, MIB...have a nice career, whereever you decide to go after the UNW. Thanks for vacating the title, as well, because I have serious plans for the Rookie Title. Thanks, once again.
(MIB nods to Joe and walks out of the room. We hear the announcers comment.)
Kurt Ross - What a surprising way to start the night.
Merle Haggard Jr. - HAHA! I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT! WHAT'S THE BIG FUSS? It was good to see Chaos get his contract terminated.
Kurt Ross - His contract isn't terminated, he's still in the Battle Royal tonight!
Merle Haggard Jr. - Oh yeah.
Segment 5:ScorpbrA and Dave Meet Up.
(Writing Credit: NickZ)
(We cut, right from the match ending, straight to a locker room where Scorpion and CobrA, the tag team of ScorpbrA, are sitting. Scorpion wears his new "SCORPION = RATINGS" shirt on, and CobrA wears his trademark "Trust Me: I'm A Professional" shirt. The fans cheer when they see them on screen, as they are two of the biggest names in the UNW today. Scorpion slips an elbowpad on as CobrA begins to speak.)
CobrA - Dude, your match is next...hurry the heck up!
Scorpion - OK! OK! CobrA, why don't you have some patience, the match might be next, but I've got a job to do.
CobrA - And...what might that JOB be?
Scorpion - Putting on my last elbowpad.
(CobrA shakes his head as Scorpion pulls on his second elbowpad. He takes his UNW Hardkore Title out of a box locker near him, drops it onto his right shoulder, and stands up. He shakes hands with CobrA and approaches the door of the locker room...when, all of a sudden, it opens. UNW President Dave J. walks in the room and shuts the door behind him. He looks exasperated. Scorpion greets Dave.)
Scorpion - Dave...what's goin' on? You're ten minutes behind schedule.
Dave J. - I know, Scorp, I know, but I got here before the match, didn't I? Haha...
(Scorpion and CobrA aren't really taking this "joke" too seriously. Dave stops laughing and the look of exasperation increases on his face. CobrA, still sitting down on a bench, begins to speak.)
CobrA - Dude, Dave...is there something wro...
(Dave interrupts.)
Dave J. - NO, nothing's wrong, let's go out there, Scorp...you have a big match ahead of you.
(Dave begins to open the door and walk out. He is halfway out the door, but Scorpion still does not move. Dave gets impatient.)
Dave J. - C'mon, Scorp, what are you waiting for? Shane B. isn't gonna be waiting in the ring for you all night!
(Scorpion responds.)
Scorpion - Dave...there's something wrong, I know it. Get the hell back in here.
(Dave, once again, with a look of exasperation, comes back into the room. He confesses.)
Dave J. - OK, OK, I admit, there is something wrong with me. I'm just so angry...and it's hard to mask that anger, you know? It's like trying to tame some kind of wild boar.
(CobrA begins to laugh at the word "boar". Scorpion and Dave obviously don't know what is wrong with him. They stare at him, and his laughter escapes from him.)
CobrA - Sorry.
Scorpion - Man, what is wrong with you today, CobrA?
CobrA - Nothing...nothing...just a bit, you know...loopy.
(Scorpion smirks.)
Scorpion - ...that explains everything...
(Scorpion then turns back toward Dave.)
Scorpion - Well, Dave, you know that I can't help you with your state of being...unless you tell me the cause of all this hatred.
(Dave's facial expression turns from that of exasperation to that of anger. He begins to clench his fists and pace around the room. As he paces, he speaks.)
Dave J. - I'll tell you what the root of all of this is. It's Vince. He always thinks he's better than I am. I know we're cousins and all, and fellow staff members as well, but the first look I get from him tells me that he's too arrogant to stand up straight.
(CobrA rises from his seated spot and makes a fist with his left hand.)
CobrA - I'll shut that bastard up for you.
(Dave stops his pacing and looks at CobrA straight in the eyes.)
Dave J. - NO.
CobrA - Why not?
Dave J. - You better not do it, CobrA...you'll get expelled and ScorpbrA will be no more.
(Dave begins to pace yet again.)
Dave J. - This reminds me of that old Beatles documentary, "Let It Be". The guys start out as best friends, but at the very end, they can't stand each other anymore. They can't live together. They can't work together. They can't be in the same room as each other, yet they share each other's genius. That's what I think that staff is right now...a strong force at one point which will eventually weaken. I'm just scared, to tell you the truth, to see tomorrow. I know, Joe is the pacifist of the group, he hates how Arianna, Vince, and I fight. But, it's getting to the point that at every staff meeting, the train wreck will happen...and then the group will split, then eventually, one by one, all will die off...
(Scorpion and CobrA look at Dave with a serious expression. CobrA speaks up.)
CobrA - So, dude, what are you gonna do about that? I know it sucks, but how is order gonna be restored?
(Dave turns around and looks at both of them.)
Dave J. - I'll do something all right...something that you guys, and the people will forever hate me for. I know this might be our last moment together, but at this time, I have to say that it's been a pleasure working with you guys. I know what I'm gonna do...and like it or not, it's my decision. Now, let's go out there, Scorp. The game doesn't wait.
(Scorpion looks back at CobrA with a look of confusion, then turns around with Dave, walking out the door and closing it behind them. CobrA stares at the door...wondering what Dave meant.)
Kurt Ross - What did Dave mean when he said he'd do something that everybody would hate him for?
Merle Haggard Jr. - Well, at least he isn't going streaking. I'd regret that myself.
Kurt Ross - ...sigh...our next match is right around the corner...it's Scorpion vs. Shane B. Perkins for the Hardkore title...NEXT! Let's go to ringside.
Match 2: SCORPION vs. SHANE B. PERKINS - Hardcore Rules Match
(UNW Hardkore Title Match)
(Writing Credit: NickZ and VinceNeil1981)
(We go back to the arena...and then, suddenly, "Freddie's Dead" by Curtis Mayfield hits on the speakers. The fans are neutral as Shane B. Perkins gets ready to step out through the entranceway. Andy Mace, UNW ring announcer, gets on the microphone.)
Andy Mace - Now, coming to the ring, from Los Angeles, California, weighing in at 244 pounds, a member of the Self-Proclaimed Icons...SHANE B. PERKINS!!!!
(The fans are neutral as Shane B. steps through the curtain, into the sphere set. Purple fog fills up the sphere, emanating from the sphere's scaffolds. Shane B. taunts in the entranceway, raising his arms up above his head. He is wearing Barry White's old attire, sequined orange pants, and he is also wearing a shirt with the Self-Proclaimed Icons logo on it. The fog loosens up as Shane steps onto the ramp and out of the sphere.)
Kurt Ross - Well, Shane is back, finally. Shane has been missing in action from the UNW since Intoxication 2K2...that was last July when the UNW formed. Now, Shane is back and is going to be facing Scorpion here at Digital Mayhem.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Man, this PPV is excellent. We've seen a surprising finish with Chaos and the mysterious Man In Black...and now, we see a huge match between Shane B. Perkins and Scorpion. But, Kurt, nothing tonight ever comes close to this revolutionary set the backstage crew has set up for us. The sphere is one of the best sets I have ever seen anywhere in wrestling. The sphere's scaffolds are also good, too, I mean, they shoot fireworks, shine lights, and spray fog. Mucho Kudos, Technical Crew...bravo.
Kurt Ross - I agree with you., Merle. This sphere is excellent.
(Shane B. is now out of the sphere, and making his way down the aisle. He approaches the ring, and rolls straight into the ring. He gets up after one roll into the ring, and makes his way to the top rope. He bangs his head to the beat of "Freddie's Dead".)
Kurt Ross - I know, Merle, you're an expert at themes, what do you think of Perkins's new theme?
Merle Haggard Jr. - "Freddie's Dead"...good song...for Barry White freaks. It's not my cup of tea.
Kurt Ross - Oh, I see...so you LIKE Italian Music but you hate R&B.
Merle Haggard Jr. - EXACTLY. What's wrong with that, Kurt? After all, if you marry the baker boy, he'll come and go, go and come, and he will have the canoli in his hand!
Kurt Ross - Wonderful...just wonderful.
(Shane B. jumps off the top rope and settles into his corner, awaiting the arrival of his adversary. Then, suddenly, "Your Sweetness..." cuts and "Perserverance" by Hatebreed hits the speakers and Scorpion comes through the curtains. Andy Mace gets on the P.A. system.)
Andy Mace - Now, his opponent, from Hamburg, New York, weighing in at 235 pounds, the UNW Hardkore Champion, accompanied by UNW President Dave J., SCORPION!!!
(The fans cheer as Scorpion, hoisting his UNW Hardkore Title above his head, makes his way into the sphere, with Dave J. following closely by his side, wearing a suit and bowtie. Then, Scorp lowers his arms down, dragging his Hardkore Title on the ground beside him.)
Kurt Ross - Here he is, fans, the UNW Hardkore champion.
Merle Haggard Jr. - And it's a hardcore match as well! They never held matches like this in Muskogee.
Kurt Ross - I guess you long to be back home.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Yeah, I miss it, but traveling has left me with one thing.
Kurt Ross - What's that?
Merle Haggard Jr. - A severe case of Ramblin' Fever!
Kurt Ross - ...Right. Cut it out with all those country music references.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Kurt, that's my life! If there were no country music or wrestling in this world...I wouldn't be here.
(Scorpion walks out of the Digital Mayhem sphere, and flashbulbs illuminate the arena as the teenage females in the crowd forever have a picture of their idol. Scorpion walks down the aisle, and approaches the ring. Shane B. Perkins quickly steps out of the ring, and moves to the ring apron, looking for a weapon under it. He pulls out a steel chair, and without Scorpion or Dave noticing, slides back into the ring. Scorpion walks up the steel steps and into the ring, but gets hammered directly in the head with a steel chair! Scorpion, who was standing on the ring apron, falls right off of it. Referee Aaron Tolmsa calls for the bell and the match is officialy underway.)
Kurt Ross - What a LETHAL way to start this match!
Merle Haggard Jr. - I see ya, Scorp, lying down on that cold, hard floor! Someone forgot to bring their balls with them tonight to the arena!
Kurt Ross - We're not BOWLING tonight, Merle.
Merle Haggard Jr. - I know that. What I really meant was...umm...let's not go into that, shall we?
(Scorpion, lying down on the matting outside of the ring, struggles to get up. After about five seconds, though, Scorpion gets up, but gets met with a hard plancha by Perkins...but Scorpion catches Shane on the way down, and grapples him atop his head! Scorp then delivers a hard powerbomb, this time turning the tables and sending Shane B. to the ringside matting. Scorpion grabs his Hardkore title and drags it by his side as he climbs into the ring. He drops the title in the center of the ring, taunting to Shane B. outside of the ring to get up. Shane B. is slow to get up. After four or so seconds, though, Shane B. does get up and enter the ring. Scorpion, then, charges at Perk, nailing him with a hard, powerful clothesline, which sends Shane to the mat.)
Kurt Ross - Clothesline...well executed.
Merle Haggard Jr. - I agree, Kurt. Scorpion is such a gifted competitor.
Kurt Ross - Sure, he's gifted. He competes in every match like it's his last.
(Shane B. rolls over back onto his feet, as Scorpion moves right over to Shane once again. Perk then gets kicked straight in the mid-section as he struggles to get up. Scorpion puts Shane's head under his arm, and picks up Shane in a vertical suplex/brainbuster position, and spins him around in that position, three hundred and sixty degrees in the air...and then drops him in a Falcon Arrow, making it a 360° Falcon Arrow, which leaves Shane B. in a daze on the mat.)
Kurt Ross - WOW! EXCELLENT 360° MICHINOKU DRIVER!
Merle Haggard Jr. - No, you idiot, look, that wasn't no Michinoku Driver, that was a full fledged 360° FALCON ARROW.
Kurt Ross - Shut up, I know a move when I see one.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Did you actually WRESTLE, Kurt? No. I have the experience to show you that that was a Fal...
Kurt Ross - IT WAS A MICHINOKU DRIVER.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Fine, think that way. When the Revolution Studios critics knock on your door, I won't be there to pay the medical bills.
(Shane B. is out cold on the mat from that Falcon Arrow, and all of a sudden, Scorpion moves to the turnbuckle and jumps on top of it. The fans start to scream, as they know that Scorpion is going for his finisher, the Zenncore...but why so early?)
Kurt Ross - There is no way. Scorp thinks that he's got this one in the bag.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Hello, Mr. Zenncore, care to DROP IN?
(Scorpion taunts the fans, and then, the flashbulbs from the crowds illuminate the arena as Scorpion jumps off the top rope in a cannonball formation, then straightens his body out in mid-air...he looks like he's going to land the Zenncore, straight on Shane Perkins, but Shane moves out of the way at the last second, making Scorpion land straight onto the mat! The fans are in a state of shock.)
Kurt Ross - OH MY GOD! NO! SCORPION MISSED!
Merle Haggard Jr. - I told you he didn't bring his balls to the arena.
(Scorpion screams in pain, face down on the mat. Shane, now standing, jumps out of the ring. He pulls a table from under the apron.)
Kurt Ross - It looks like Shane is getting some wood, there, Merle!
Merle Haggard Jr. - Back in the day, wrestling didn't have all these bells and whistles, Kurt.
Kurt Ross - Yeah, back in the day, we didn't have wiseasses like you commentating, either.
(Perk pushes the table into the ring. Scorp is still recovering from his missed Zenncore. Shane props the table up in the corner. He then picks Scorp up and attempts an Irish Whip, but Scorpion reverses and shoves Perk into the table, head first! The table breaks as Shane B. Perkins falls down to the mat, screaming in pain. Shane turns over onto his back, now in the camera's view, and we see that Shane is beginning to profusely bleed from the mouth.)
Kurt Ross - My God, Merle! Perk has been busted right open!
Merle Haggard Jr. - As the legendary Shaun Andrews used to say, BLOOD AND GUTS!!!! HAHA!!!!
(Shane rolls over in pain, now in the middle of the ring. Scorp, noticing that Shane is almost out cold, moves towards the southeastern corner of the ring, and starts to climb the turnbuckle! Once again, the fans go wild as he signals for the Zenncore as he makes his way to the top rope. The Georgia Dome fills with flashbulbs as Scorp jumps into the air. Once again, he jumps down in a cannonball position, and straightens his body out at the last minute, landing the Zenncore! He crashes into Perk's body. He attempts the pin, hooking the leg. Referee Aaron Tolmsa slides over to make the count. ONE! TWO...but, suddenly, Referee Aaron Tolmsa is distracted and stops the count! DAVE J. has suddenly ran into the ring!!!)
Merle Haggard Jr. - What the hell is going on here? Dave is interfering when HIS OWN MAN had the match in his control!
(Dave moves toward the two men. Referee Aaron Tolmsa tries to move toward Dave, to send him out of the ring. Dave, though, talks to Referee Aaron Tolmsa and Aaron lets him pass. Dave looks down at Scorp, who is still covering Shane down on the mat. Scorpion looks up at Dave, crazily, but then, all of a sudden, Dave kicks Scorpion in the back! The fans boo as Dave picks the downed Scorpion from off of Shane B. Perkins. Dave holds Scorpion up by his neck.)
Kurt Ross - OH MY GOD...NO! DAVE HAS TURNED ON SCORPION! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! NO!
Merle Haggard Jr. - Things will never be the same, Kurt, face it. It's the lesson of life.
Kurt Ross - But...I thought those guys were blood brothers!
Merle Haggard Jr. - Not anymore, they aren't.
(Dave, holding Scorpion up, puts him into a scoop slam grapple. Then, Dave bodyslams Scorp in the remains of the table which lay in the corner of the ring. The fans boo loudly as Scorpion is knocked unconscious. Then, Dave moves to the body of Shane B. Perkins, and drags him across the mat by the arm, laying his body right on top of Scorp's. Dave moves out of the ring and tells Referee Aaron Tolmsa to resume his duties. Shane now rolls over onto Scorp and lazily hooks the leg. Referee Aaron Tolmsa make the count. ONE! TWO! THREE!!!! The bell rings and "Freddie's Dead" by Curtis Mayfield begins to play. The fans are in VERY mixed reactions, split right down the middle. Tons of fans in the arena cheer, while others boo. Shane kneels up, still winded from the Zenncore he faced earlier. Referee Aaron Tolmsa hands the UNW Hardkore Title to Shane B. Perkins, as he raises it above his head. Shane, now at half-kneel, laces the title around his shoulder and makes an effort to stand up onto his own two feet. He finally stands up and holds his title up over his head. Andy Mace gets on the P.A. system.)
Andy Mace - Your winner, and NEW UNW Hardkore Champion, SHANE B. PERKINS!!!!
(The fans, once again, are in mixed reactions as we are treated with the replay of the screwjob which just happened.)
Kurt Ross - YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME! SHANE B. PERKINS IS THE NEW UNW HARDKORE CHAMPION.
Merle Haggard Jr. - I'm proud of my boy, Shane B. I'm also proud of Dave, he showed his true feelings by giving Scorp a good ol' country ass whoopin'!!
Kurt Ross - It looks like that's it for the ScorpbrA/Dave connection, fans.
Merle Haggard Jr. - It was good while it lasted...but wait...what's going on here?
Segment 6: Insult To Injury
(Writing Credit: NickZ)
(Merle is talking about a man walking out of the sphere. We zoom in on him...it's CobrA! He looks like he is very annoyed and pissed off at Dave for what he just did. CobrA walks over to Dave, who is now making his way back to the entranceway. CobrA talks trash to Dave, who obviously, is staring CobrA right in the face. CobrA is disgusted. Just as CobrA begins to leave, though, Dave taps him on the shoulder and scoop slams him into the ringside matting! Dave, then, acting indignantly, spits right in the face of CobrA, who is struggling to get up on the ground. Dave walks around to the timekeeper, Mike Hansonki, and demands that Mike gives him the microphone. Mr. Hansonki gives Dave the microphone, and "Freddie's Dead" fades out. The fans begin to boo as Dave begins to speak to all of them, telling each and every one of them what he feels inside.)
Dave J. - Fans...I told you that I will do something that you will always hate me for, and I just did it. I'd like to tell you something from the bottom of my heart, fans...and that's something very personal.
(The fans begin to quiet down as Dave holds the microphone up to his lips.)
Dave J. - Fans...If I had my way, I'd have all of you SHOT! You all are insignificant, stupid hillbillies down here in Georgia...watching your NASCAR and playing your GEE-TAR...you all make me want to puke my internal organs into this ring.
(The fans begin to boo very loudly. The fans are so loud, that a near-sighted person can go deaf. Some rowdy fans begin to get very pissed off and try to cross the safety barrier, but they quickly get gobbled up by Event Security. The camera pans back around to Dave's face. It is creased in a very evil smile. Dave raises the microphone to his lips, interrupting the maddening crowd.)
Dave J. - Consider this the END of the innocence of the UNW...and welcome, everybody, to MY SHOW!!!!!
(Dave gets interrupted by a man standing outside of the sphere.)
Voice - HOLD ON THERE...
(We pan toward the man. The fans cheer loudly. It is the UNW Chairman himself, VinceNeil1981. Vince looks very peeved. We cut back to Dave's face. He looks as annoyed as ever. He turns around to face Vince.)
VinceNeil1981 - ...yeah, you, Dave. What do you think you're doing with JOE, VINCE, AND NICK'S SHOW? And above all, what the hell do you think you're doing with the FANS' SHOW?
(The fans cheer loudly as Dave looks on at Vince in anger.)
Dave J. - I don't give a flying fu...
(VinceNeil1981 interrupts Dave.)
VinceNeil1981 - No, don't even think about it, Dave. I can read your mind. Your thoughts are mixed, just like your blood and mine when my fist hits your face!
(Vince rushes down the aisle, as the fans cheer. Dave, though, has other plans, and escapes through the crowd. When Vince reaches the ring, Dave has already escaped through an entrance. Vince looks furious as he puts his microphone to his lips.)
VinceNeil1981 - Don't worry, Davey Jay...I'll find you soon enough...and when I do, you're gonna be in for a surprise!
(Vince drops the microphone onto the mat, as "Sharp Dressed Man" by ZZ Top hits. Vince, then, walks back through the sphere, infuriated, looking for Dave.)
Kurt Ross - VinceNeil1981 is a man on a mission.
Merle Haggard Jr. - What? He doesn't look like those two black guys, though!
Kurt Ross - I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT THEM! I was talking about the fact that he's so furious about Dave's actions tonight.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Oh yeah. No doubt about it. You better believe that Vince is pissed off right about now. Dave had no right to do what he did...Jeez, he never listens, does he?
Kurt Ross - I guess not, Merle, I guess not.
Segment 7: Salv In Retrospect
(Writing Credit: VinceNeil1981)
(We cut straight to the Il Mafia locker room where Donnie Brasco, Sunnie Black, and Salvatore are watching what just happened.)
Donnie Brasco - Dave thinks he owns this fed, what a idiot. No one man owns this fed.
Salvatore - You're right. Il Mafia possiede questo UNW!
Sunnie Black - I saved the UNW. Now, why do these pisian try to save the UNW in place of me?
(Suddenly, VinceNeil1981 storms into the room, looking to the left and to the right.)
VinceNeil1981 - Salvatore...Sunnie...Donnie...have you seen that stupid excuse for a president, Dave, anywhere around these parts?
Salvatore - How should we know, boss?
(Vince looks suspicious. He studies Il Mafia's facial expressions and thinks that they ARE, in fact hiding Dave in the room.)
VinceNeil1981 - Ah ha, so he is in here!
Donnie Brasco - Why would we hide that pisian in here? He is un pezzo di mucca.
(Vince looks very annoyed.)
VinceNeil1981 - You people better be telling me the honest truth...or else, I'll have all of your asses fired and out the door.
(Salvatore begins to speak.)
Salvatore - We swear...upon God...that we have not seen that man anywhere.
(We cut back to Vince's face, as he looks around the room, still very infuriated. Finally, he gives up and succumbs to Il Mafia's statements.)
VinceNeil1981 - Okay. I believe you. He can't be hiding out in here. See you guys after the show.
(Vince storms out of the room screaming inaudible curses in the hallway. Salvatore, Donnie, and Sunnie focus back on the TV screen as we cut to the ring.)
Match 3: ScorpbrA vs. RFTD 5
(UNW Tag Team Championship Match)
(Writing Credit: NickZ)
(Instead of going to the ring, yet again, Joe Johnson is speaking to RFTD 5 in his office.)
Joe Johnson - I'm sorry, guys, your match has been called off because of injury to both Scorpion and CobrA.
(Both Spectre and John Shaft begin to sigh.)
Spectre - Can't you book us with someone else?
Joe Johnson - I'm afraid not...there isn't a thing that I can do about it.
John Shaft - C'mon, Joe, do somethin'!
Joe Johnson - I'm sorry, again, because of Dave's actions, the match has been called off.
Spectre - OK, Joe, but don't screw us like this at Spring Breakdown...or else, we'll be coming for YOU.
Joe Johnson - I promise you, your time will come. In fact, you guys will get the shot on HighStakes next week. So, count on going into the ring with ScorpbrA.
Spectre - .....OK. We'll see you then.
(RFTD 5 walk out of Joe's office as we go down to Kurt and Merle.)
Segment 8: Sponsors
(Writing Credit: NickZ)
Kurt Ross - UNW Digital Mayhem 2003 is brought to you by Mixman Technologies. Makers of The DM² music mixer. Ever wanted to make music like the professionals can? Now you can. The DM². Only from MIXMAN!!!
Merle Haggard Jr. - And by Red Bull. It REALLY gives you wings! Take it from me, when I was bummed out, I drank Red Bull and I kissed everything in sight! Or was that Love Potion #9...anyway, Red Bull gives you WINGS!
Kurt Ross - And, also by MDickie Software. Want to own your own wrestling league? Now, you actually can with FEDERATION BOOKER! Coming soon. And, also coming soon, an addon pack for Federation Booker with the top feds from Revolution Studios!
Merle Haggard Jr. - Kurt, now comes the time for the biggest match of the evening in my honest opinion. It's Salvatore against Barry White for the #1 Contendership! It's gonna be huge, Kurt, and it will be unlike anything anyone has EVER seen.
Kurt Ross - No doubt about it. Let's go to the ring!
Segment 1: A Sudden Staff Meeting
(Writing Credit: NickZ)
(We are at the back entrance of the Georgia Dome, when we see a black pick-up pull up to the building. We hear a loud bassline thumping out of it. It is a huge truck which looks like a brand-new 2003 Ford F-350. The windows are tinted, so we can't see the face of the driver. Suddenly, the huge F-350's lights turn off and the engine and the bassline halt with it. The door opens, and it is left open for a few minutes. We see a leg emerge...then a top of a head...finally the door closes, and a man with black hair and a small goatee steps out...DAVE J! He turns toward the F-350, pulling out a keypad and pressing a button. Then, the horn beeps once and the car has been securely locked. Dave steps through view of the camera. The camera pans over to Dave walking into the Georgia Dome. The cameraman outside tries to catch up to Dave, but gets stopped by the painted white door, which upon it, says "AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY" on it. Yet, though, we cut to a different cameraman, whose feed is in the hallway where Dave is walking. We get a head-on view of Dave as he walks down a large hallway. We can hear fans cheering...as this hallway is close to the seats where the fans are sitting. They are watching this, Dave knows, from the Roughness Tron inside the packed Georgia Dome. Dave turns to a door, and knocks on it. The camera pans to see the door...it is painted gray and says "V.I.P. Room for Event Personnel". There is no answer to the door as Dave knocks on it again. We hear an inaudible voice from behind the door...as it opens and we see VinceNeil1981 in front of the camera. He doesn't know that Dave has knocked...and the two stare down each other, with a look of udder madness on both of their faces. Suddenly, Dave J. is the first one to speak.)
Dave J. - Well, HELLO.
(VinceNeil1981 now looks at Dave with a look of sarcasm.)
VinceNeil1981 - (Mocking Out Dave) Well, HELLO! Isn't it a splendid day? Huh? (Back in his normal voice) Gimme a break, Dave. Get the hell in this room. Joe's called a meeting. He'll be in here any second. He went out for some...uhh...coffee.
(As Dave steps into the executive room, Arianna, already sitting down, rises to greet Dave.)
Arianna - Hi, Da...
(Dave interrupts.)
Dave J. - Hello, Arianna. No, you don't have to say anything more.
(Vince turns toward Dave, once again, masking the fact that he's pissed at Dave for being in the room.)
VinceNeil1981 - DAVE...you don't treat the UNW Chairwoman that way.
(Dave stops walking, and turns back towards Vince. He starts to say something...then turns away, heading toward the circular table in the middle of the room. Then, Vince, keeping his feeling of madness from Arianna in the room, he sits down at the table, directly across from Dave. Suddenly, the door swings open and Joe Johnson steps in with a thermos of coffee in one hand. He enters the room, making eye contact with the staff, yet says nothing as he moves toward a cupboard above a countertop near the table. He puts the thermos of coffee on the countertop and opens the cupboard. He pulls out four cups from the cupboard and tilts the thermos as to pour. Then, the coffee slips out of it in a rush as he pours the coffee into one cup, then the second one, then the third, then the fourth. He then puts the thermos the right side up on the countertop. He grabs two cups of coffee in both hands, walks over to the table and gives the cups to Dave and Arianna. Joe walks back to the countertop and grabs the other two cups. He gives one of them to Vince, and keeps one of them in his hand, obviously for himself. Joe takes a seat at the head of the table and takes a sip of the coffee. He starts to speak to the staff.)
Joe Johnson - Ahhh...good coffee....good TURKISH coffee...
(Suddenly, as Arianna begins to take a sip, she spits out all of the TURKISH coffee all out on the table. Dave starts to laugh. Arianna notices that Dave is laughing at her, and begins to slap Dave, but Joe intervenes.)
Joe Johnson - GUYS! GUYS! Stop the nonsense...we have work to do.
(At Joe's order, Arianna sits back down and dries off the table with a handkerchief from her pocket. Dave stops his laughing just as Vince starts to take a sip of some turkish coffee. Joe looks relieved and he begins to speak again.)
Joe Johnson - Much better. You see, this Turkish Coffee is popular among the Turkish, the Arabs, and the Macedonians...
(Joe stops talking and looks around at the table. The staff stares right back at him. Joe's facial expression turns from relieved to annoyed. Dave begins to speak.)
Dave J. - Which means what?
(Silence. Dead Air. For about ten seconds, the table is frozen in confusion. We cut right back to Joe. Joe is VERY annoyed, and begins to speak.)
Joe Johnson - HELLO! I'm trying to send you a SIGNAL, here! A signal that Nick is returning very soon. I just got in contact with him. He is in Oahu, vacationing away from this cold and wintery hell-hole we know as the Eastern Seaboard. He told me to tell you all, especially you two, Vince and Dave, that your contest is OFF. Even though I am the interim owner of the UNW, I will be the co-owner of the UNW when Nick comes back, no doubt about it. Nick just told me to tell you guys that.
(Vince and Dave both are angry at this decision...and mutter curse words to themselves and each other under their breath. These two men can hardly understand each other, even though they are cousins. Joe waits for them to stop their whining, until he can begin talking again. Finally, they regain their composure about the issue and then turn toward Joe, who now has a calm expression on his face. Joe, now begins to speak.)
Joe Johnson - Thank you, both, for your...umm...how shall I say it...
(Arianna interrupts.)
Arianna - ...bitching...
(Both Vince and Dave turn their heads toward Arianna with a look of annoyance toward her unwelcome addition. Arianna responds to the expressions on their faces.)
Arianna - Hey, just tryin' to help. It's hard being the minority on this staff.
(Dave retorts Arianna's comment.)
Dave J - You can say that again.
(Arianna rises out of his seat with an expression of sadistic madness. She winds up her arm, and slaps Dave right across the face. SMACK! The sound echoes throughout the room. Now, it's Vince's turn to laugh, as he laughs so hard, that his face goes right down onto the finished wooden table. Joe, once again, breaks up the conflict.)
Joe Johnson - PLEASE...GUYS...YOU GUYS ARE BEING IMMATURELY ROWDY RIGHT NOW...AND I DON'T LIKE A BIT OF IT! Now, sit down, before I call the local day care to take your pathetic, immature asses out of here.
(Arianna sits down, Dave regains composure, and Vince stops laughing, yet his face is purely red. They all look towards Joe after what he said. Joe begins to talk, once again.)
Joe Johnson - Good. It's good that you took my joke somewhat seriously. I applaud all of you for that. Anyway, what was I gonna say? You guys made me forget everything with your unwarrantable nonsense. You guys better cool it, or else I'll be the one who is gonna be on vacation...
(Joe Johnson sinks deep into his chair, closing his eyes, thinking deeply of what subject he was going to bring up. He then opens back his eyes, and in a serious expression, his thought comes back to him. He sits back up.)
Joe Johnson - OK, I thought of the next item on the agenda. Tonight, we are going to have a big main event. Now, we don't want another "Love & Hate" to happen in the main event. We almost got sued by the fan that ABK sprayed with his mace. Now, tonight, we need to increase ringside security during the Salv/Barry match, the Battle Royal, and the Main Event. We don't want any fans getting TOO pissed off, do we?
(Joe looks at the staff, who, through all this important information that Joe has just told them, have paid no attention. Vince and Dave both stare each other down, and Arianna taps a pen up and down on the desk, with her chin resting on her hand. We pan back to the face of Joe Johnson, who looks very angered at what happened.)
Joe Johnson - ALL RIGHT! MEETING ADJOURNED...I HAD SOME OTHER THINGS TO SAY, BUT I GUESS THEY'RE NOT TOO IMPORTANT. You guys have to pay attention in the next meeting we have. Goodbye. You all know what you have to do tonight, anyway. So, have a good PPV, and remember what I said...because I MEANT EVERY WORD OF IT!
(Joe leaves, stomping out of the room. The staff look at each other and shrug their shoulders. They turn on the TV in the room, as we fade to black...)
Segment 2: Digital Mayhem 2003 Intro
(Writing Credit: NickZ)
(After we fade to black, suddenly lightning crashes on the screen. We see rain falling on a three-dimensional model of the sea. We see a boat in the middle of this storm...and then we tilt up. In the water, we see footage of Newton, ABK, and Jaime Emo in various spots of their careers. Then, we zoom higher up...we see moments of !nterogative, John Shaft's, and Chaos's careers. We zoom even higher and then see footage of Barry White and Salvatore staring eachother down in the water. Suddenly, we pan right down from the sky to the surface of the water, and lighting strikes the water...then, suddenly, a huge rock rises out of the 3D water...we pan around and see the Digital Mayhem 2003 logo as that "rock" in the ocean. The ocean fades out and we are left with the Digital Mayhem 2003 logo....then, suddenly, it bursts apart as we see footage from matches. A song is now played during this montage of clips. It is "Fly From the Inside" by Shinedown. The montage of clips shift from Salvatore's entrance to the moment when Jaime Emo stepped out of his car after the coma, to Newton's huge title win at Revenge 2003, to ABK spraying Scorpion with mace at Love & Hate, and finally to footage of Barry and Salvatore staring each other down. The footage ends and a 3d version of the Digital Mayhem logo appears on the screen. A voiceover comes on the screen.)
Voiceover - And Now...Digital Mayhem 2003...The Mayhem Has Begun...
(The screen of the 3d logo bursts, using some creative transitions, thanks to the Special FX boys in the production trailer. We now proceed to the arena.)
Segment 3: Arena Introduction
(Writing Credit: NickZ)
("Fly From The Inside" by Shinedown now plays in the arena as the fans go wild in the crowd. It is a packed house at the home of the Atlanta Falcons, the Georgia Dome in Atlanta, Georgia. The fans are rowdy, going nuts for the UNW. The fans in the arena start to chant "U-N-DUB!" "U-N-DUB!" as fireworks explode around the new circular set. The set is set in the shape of a large sphere, covering the ramp like a huge igloo. It is made of red scaffolding. It begins right from the top of the Roughness Tron and ends right before the fan section at ringside, on the ground. The set is basically a large wireframe sphere, with a hole cut through the front end for the ramp. The Entranceway is in the shape of a rectangle, and it has the UNW logo on it. A circular, red UNW Roughness Tron lies above the entryway, for the wrestler entrance movies and for the fans to see backstage segments. The fireworks explode from every scaffold of the sphere, in a vertical fashion. Then, the house lights come on and we pan around the crowd. The fans hold up many signs. The crane camera focuses in on the signs around the arena. We see signs in the audience which say:
ATL CAN'T HANDLE ABK
BOOK FUSION NEXT TIME
DATE MY GIRLFRIEND, EMO, SHE'S A BITCH!
MR. MAMBO vs. MR. SLOW-DANCE = MR. BORING!
There are a MULTITUDE of signs in the crowd, yet there are too many that the camera can't pick up on. The fans are still going crazy in the crowd as we go, now, to ringside with Kurt Ross and Merle Haggard Jr.)
Kurt Ross - HERE WE ARE, FANS, DIGITAL MAYHEM 2003! THE MOMENT WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR IS HERE! I'm Kurt Ross and the person adjacent to me is "The Poet of the Common Man", Merle Haggard Junior. Merle, the PPV is gonna be big. We've got so many great matches here tonight, it's hard to count them all.
Merle Haggard Jr. - What are you talking about, Kurt? It's six. And they're all worthy of the title "AWESOME MATCH". They're all gonna be perfect tonight. And, in the words of Dick Vitale, They're AWESOME, BABY!!!!
Kurt Ross - HAHA, Merle, sometimes you really crack me up. The best part about this Pay-Per-View is that we get to see two of the biggest men in UNW history go at it. Barry White against Salvatore. The leader of the Self Proclaimed Icons against the leader of Il Mafia. Merle, what do you think of that?
Merle Haggard Jr. - Kurt, you gotta understand, like I said on Friday, Salvatore is more focused than ever on wrestling. The theatrics don't matter to him anymore. It's gonna be Barry or Salv. Salv or Barry. Who's gonna win? That's to be determined, but in my opinion, Salv's gonna have the cake and eat it too.
Kurt Ross - Merle, what I'm really concerned about is what's gonna happen in that three-way match for the UNW Championship later tonight.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Man, I'm excited for that match. There's no telling what's gonna happen. It's gonna be something bigger than what you've seen on HighStakes...bigger than at Love & Hate...Jaime Emo, ABK, and Newton...it's gonna be the match of the year, Kurt, for sure, and you can count on that one. Throw those "garbage matches" into the trash where they belong, like Newton vs. Intero, and Newton vs. White...this match is the REAL DEAL. The UNW is gonna show what they are made of with this match right here, tonight, live from Atlanta, where the party don't stop 'till 8 in the mornin'!
Kurt Ross - You said that right. The fans and even the color commentator are excited for this one. Tonight is gonna be a night where the tides turn and the bodies burn...it's gonna be BIG!
Merle Haggard Jr. - I couldn't have said that better myself. This night is gonna be jam packed, so don't change the station, don't re-adjust your satellite, don't have your infant chew your cable...don't even go to the fridge for some beer...just stay here with us, tonight, because if you stray away, you're gonna miss something, especially on a night like this!
Kurt Ross - Hopefully, fans, you WILL stay with us tonight. Let's go to the ring.
Segment 4: Il Mafia are Mad
(Writing Credit: NickZ)
(Then, out of the blue, as we await the Chaos and Man In Black Match, "Luna Mezzo Mare" by Lou Monte hits. The fans boo loudly as the whole group of Il Mafia step out through the entranceway, into the spherical set. Salvatore leads the group, standing straight in front, then Sunnie Black, Tommie Brasco, and Donnie Brasco in back of him. Two other men are there as well, standing next to Donnie and Sunnie on the left and right sides. First Green, then White, and lastly, Red fireworks explode from the sphere's scaffolding. Then, Il Mafia step down the ramp, and make their way out of the sphere set as they approach the aisle.)
Kurt Ross - Il Mafia are here, and they don't look too happy.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Che La Luna Mezzo Mare...man, that theme kicks ass.
Kurt Ross - How so? It's traditional Italian music.
Merle Haggard Jr. - It's still GOOD, Kurt. OK? It's good. Good music.
Kurt Ross - Well, Merle, it isn't exactly my cup of tea...
Merle Haggard Jr. - Of course it isn't. But I've got different ranges of music. From ABBA all the way to ZZ Top.
Kurt Ross - ABBA?
Merle Haggard Jr. - Don't ask. My wife likes ABBA, not me, but I still like "Take A Chance On Me"...I'll sing that right now if you want, Kurt!
Kurt Ross - NOOOOO!!!!
Merle Haggard Jr. - OK, then. I don't have to sing ABBA. I'll sing Merle Haggard then.
Kurt Ross - Please, Merle, you don't have to sing your father's music. This isn't sing-a-long with Merle, here.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Hey..."Sing Along With Merle Haggard Jr"...good idea, Kurt, maybe I can sell that when DarkSide Tees is open!
Kurt Ross - Umm, Merle, DarkSide Tees is only a T-SHIRT store.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Oh yeah! Why didn't I remember that earlier??
(By this time, Il Mafia have already moved into the ring. Salvatore pulls a microphone out of his trenchcoat and begins to speak. "Luna Mezzo Mare" cuts and the fans are still busy booing Il Mafia. The camera's focal point is Salvatore, who is settling the microphone in his hand. He turns his head, staring at the booing crowd. He then speaks.)
Salvatore - Home of the Falcons, Home of the Thrash, Salvatore is here, you pieces of redneck TRASH!
(The fans start to boo very loudly as Salvatore smirks at the crowd. His face is wrinkled and aged, but he still has the mic skills to back up his age. Salv crosses the ring as Il Mafia stand right in the middle of the ring, with their hands clamped behind their backs. The booing ceases and Salv gets back on the microphone.)
Salvatore - You know, it's been a long time since I recieved that reaction. Back when Il Mafia was simply known as "The Mafia". Now, with the name Il Mafia, we are back to our Italian roots. Once you join this family, you can't break free without your head being caught in a vice. Unfortunately, Antonio Ganti, way back in Il Mafia's younger days, found that out with his death. Even after his death, Antonio's spirit still lives on in every one of us. That spirit of Antonio Ganti told us that we should avenge his death. Forget all about what you remembered us to be at Intoxication 2K2 way back in July. This is the new Mafia. This is the better Mafia. And with Sunnie, Donnie, Tommie, and now Pete and Antonio by my side, the Mafia just got even more stronger.
(The fans send out boos as Salv gets off the mic and passes it to Donnie Brasco. Salv takes his place, standing with his arms clenched behind his back. Donnie stands in front of the other members of Il Mafia.)
Kurt Ross - Salv made a point. They ARE stronger and more focused than ever before. Let's see what Donnie is gonna do now.
Merle Haggard Jr. - The UNW better watch out for Il Mafia, they're gonna be tearing up the fed now that they let go of all the theatrics.
(Donnie begins to speak.)
Donnie Brasco - Yo, Salv, you made a point there. All these pisian in the U-N-Dubya who wanna make a point, a revelation, a statement, they better shut their damn MOUTHS! What Don Salvatore is tryin' to tell ya is that he is fed up with all ya bitchin' and ya moanin' about Barry White, the SPI, Newton, ABK, Jaime Emo...man, those pisian aren't doin' nothin' in this fed. Who's gonna make the impact? Il Mafia, straight up yo' alley, PISIAN!
(The fans, once again, boo in response. Donnie Brasco passes the microphone over to Sunnie Black. Donnie takes the place of Sunnie, standing like all the other Il Mafia members are standing.)
Merle Haggard Jr. - PISIAN! HAHA! This man really knows how to make a guy laugh.
Kurt Ross - I don't think it's that funny.
Merle Haggard Jr. - C'mon, Kurt, have a little laugh! It's good for your self-esteem.
Kurt Ross - Ha. Ha. OK, let's see what Sunnie has to say.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Ahh...c'mon, Kurt, put some PEP in your STEP!
(Sunnie prepares to talk.)
Sunnie Black - Yo, I'm gonna make this short and sweet. Lemme break it to ya' in the Italian language.
(The fans start to boo and chant "ITALY SUCKS!" "ITALY SUCKS!", but Sunnie interrupts their chanting, and speaks Italian.)
Sunnie Black - Le persone me fermano sulla strada e dice, Yo, Sunnie, perché lei succhia cosà molto? Prendo cosà arrabbiato quando ciò sento. Lei sa, sono malato di esso, dunque ho unito sostiene col mio pisian qui nella Mafia di Il e ho messo quei commenti per riposarsi. CosÃ, UNW, prende pronto, perché la Mafia di Sunnie ed Il sono pronta al pounce!
(The fans start to boo even louder than before, even though most of them did not even understand as Sunnie passes the microphone to Tommie.)
Kurt Ross - Tommie Brasco, brother of Donnie, is now getting on the mic.
Merle Haggard Jr. - YAWN...tell me whan it's over.
Tommie Brasco - YO, UNW, I come in here and the people crowd around me, they say that I'm such a rookie, ya know? They say that I can easily get beat down. Well, man, for all those people that say that Tommie Brasco is gonna be exterminated, I gotta...I gotta...I JUST GOTTA SAY...SHUT UPPA YO' MOUTH!!!
(The fans continue to boo after the newcomer, Tommie Brasco, cuts his part of the promo. The mic is passed back to Salvatore. Salv comes to the front once again.)
Salvatore - Well, there you have it. Il Mafia. But, who are these men back here, you redneck scumbags ask? Who are the men who will set the wrestling world on fire? The man to the left's name is Pete Andolini and the man to the right is Antonio Clemenza. They are the Super Powers of Italy. No one, not !nterogative, not Newton, not even that freak named The Anybody Killah, can get through these men.
(The fans begin to cheer at the mention of all the faces' names. But, then, Salvatore rudely interrupts their cheers to make a finish to his promo.)
Salvatore - You say that these men...Intero, ABK, and Newton are the men to beat in the UNW? Well, you got the wrong choice. These men behind me will revolutionize wrestling as you know it. And, at Spring Breakdown, VinceNeil1981, that Hardquare Match of yours will be won by the men who will take over the sport of wrestling....IL MAFIA! So, UNW, IL MAFIA EHA DI RITORNO DI UCCIDERE!!
(The fans start, once again, to boo as "Luna Mezzo Mare" hits. Il Mafia then, one by one, walk out of the ring and follow Salvatore back up the aisle.)
Kurt Ross - Il Mafia, as you said it earlier, Merle, are gonna be back on top in the UNW.
Merle Haggard Jr. - With a promo like that, how can you go wrong? The UNW is bound to notice.
(Il Mafia start up the ramp, and enter into the spherical set, then leave through the entranceway.)
Kurt Ross - There's no telling what Salvatore's got up his sleeve for later tonight when he faces Barry White for the #1 Contendership of the UNW Championship at SBD:03 next month.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Spring Breakdown 2003...it's gonna be great. I can't wait...but, still, Digital Mayhem awaits! Let's go to the ring for the first match of the night.
Match 1: CHAOS vs. THE MAN IN BLACK
(UNW Rookie Title Match)
(Writing Credit: NickZ)
(Instead of going to the ring, we cut backstage. Chaos is sitting in Joe Johnson's office, talking to him.)
Chaos - What the fuck do you want, I'm late for my match, Joe!
Joe Johnson - Chaos...it seems like that "Man In Black" character is nowhere to be found. But...if he does appear, I have a stipulation. The match is a falls count anywhere match...and it will take place when you walk out this door...so be forewarned...this man could appear at any time.
(Chaos looks at Joe crazily.)
Chaos - Man, you're crazy. This man isn't in the building, so why do you think I'll fight him?
(Joe responds.)
Joe Johnson - Because, Chaos, you'll be in for one hell of a surprise when you walk out that door.
(Chaos looks annoyed.)
Chaos - You're smokin' something, Joe, there ain't no dudes behind that door, and there probably never will be, so I'm gonna be waiting in the ring, and whoever wants to bring it can show up. Get it? Good.
(Chaos steps out of his seat and opens the door. Suddenly, though, the Man In Black appears when Chaos opens the door, giving Chaos a big boot right to the face. Chaos falls down to the carpeting of the V.I.P. room, unconscious. He makes the cover on Chaos after one move. Joe Johnson sits back in his seat and speaks the count. ONE! TWO! THREE! Joe laughs as Chaos stands up after his "loss", very angered. Joe, laughing, sends Chaos out of the room.)
Joe Johnson - Chaos...tonight is your last night with the company. By word of the vacationing NickZ, your contract will be terminated as of 12:00 tonight, so, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE!
(Chaos gets kicked out of the room by The Man In Black...and then, MIB gives Joe the Rookie Title.)
Joe Johnson - Thank you, MIB...have a nice career, whereever you decide to go after the UNW. Thanks for vacating the title, as well, because I have serious plans for the Rookie Title. Thanks, once again.
(MIB nods to Joe and walks out of the room. We hear the announcers comment.)
Kurt Ross - What a surprising way to start the night.
Merle Haggard Jr. - HAHA! I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT! WHAT'S THE BIG FUSS? It was good to see Chaos get his contract terminated.
Kurt Ross - His contract isn't terminated, he's still in the Battle Royal tonight!
Merle Haggard Jr. - Oh yeah.
Segment 5:ScorpbrA and Dave Meet Up.
(Writing Credit: NickZ)
(We cut, right from the match ending, straight to a locker room where Scorpion and CobrA, the tag team of ScorpbrA, are sitting. Scorpion wears his new "SCORPION = RATINGS" shirt on, and CobrA wears his trademark "Trust Me: I'm A Professional" shirt. The fans cheer when they see them on screen, as they are two of the biggest names in the UNW today. Scorpion slips an elbowpad on as CobrA begins to speak.)
CobrA - Dude, your match is next...hurry the heck up!
Scorpion - OK! OK! CobrA, why don't you have some patience, the match might be next, but I've got a job to do.
CobrA - And...what might that JOB be?
Scorpion - Putting on my last elbowpad.
(CobrA shakes his head as Scorpion pulls on his second elbowpad. He takes his UNW Hardkore Title out of a box locker near him, drops it onto his right shoulder, and stands up. He shakes hands with CobrA and approaches the door of the locker room...when, all of a sudden, it opens. UNW President Dave J. walks in the room and shuts the door behind him. He looks exasperated. Scorpion greets Dave.)
Scorpion - Dave...what's goin' on? You're ten minutes behind schedule.
Dave J. - I know, Scorp, I know, but I got here before the match, didn't I? Haha...
(Scorpion and CobrA aren't really taking this "joke" too seriously. Dave stops laughing and the look of exasperation increases on his face. CobrA, still sitting down on a bench, begins to speak.)
CobrA - Dude, Dave...is there something wro...
(Dave interrupts.)
Dave J. - NO, nothing's wrong, let's go out there, Scorp...you have a big match ahead of you.
(Dave begins to open the door and walk out. He is halfway out the door, but Scorpion still does not move. Dave gets impatient.)
Dave J. - C'mon, Scorp, what are you waiting for? Shane B. isn't gonna be waiting in the ring for you all night!
(Scorpion responds.)
Scorpion - Dave...there's something wrong, I know it. Get the hell back in here.
(Dave, once again, with a look of exasperation, comes back into the room. He confesses.)
Dave J. - OK, OK, I admit, there is something wrong with me. I'm just so angry...and it's hard to mask that anger, you know? It's like trying to tame some kind of wild boar.
(CobrA begins to laugh at the word "boar". Scorpion and Dave obviously don't know what is wrong with him. They stare at him, and his laughter escapes from him.)
CobrA - Sorry.
Scorpion - Man, what is wrong with you today, CobrA?
CobrA - Nothing...nothing...just a bit, you know...loopy.
(Scorpion smirks.)
Scorpion - ...that explains everything...
(Scorpion then turns back toward Dave.)
Scorpion - Well, Dave, you know that I can't help you with your state of being...unless you tell me the cause of all this hatred.
(Dave's facial expression turns from that of exasperation to that of anger. He begins to clench his fists and pace around the room. As he paces, he speaks.)
Dave J. - I'll tell you what the root of all of this is. It's Vince. He always thinks he's better than I am. I know we're cousins and all, and fellow staff members as well, but the first look I get from him tells me that he's too arrogant to stand up straight.
(CobrA rises from his seated spot and makes a fist with his left hand.)
CobrA - I'll shut that bastard up for you.
(Dave stops his pacing and looks at CobrA straight in the eyes.)
Dave J. - NO.
CobrA - Why not?
Dave J. - You better not do it, CobrA...you'll get expelled and ScorpbrA will be no more.
(Dave begins to pace yet again.)
Dave J. - This reminds me of that old Beatles documentary, "Let It Be". The guys start out as best friends, but at the very end, they can't stand each other anymore. They can't live together. They can't work together. They can't be in the same room as each other, yet they share each other's genius. That's what I think that staff is right now...a strong force at one point which will eventually weaken. I'm just scared, to tell you the truth, to see tomorrow. I know, Joe is the pacifist of the group, he hates how Arianna, Vince, and I fight. But, it's getting to the point that at every staff meeting, the train wreck will happen...and then the group will split, then eventually, one by one, all will die off...
(Scorpion and CobrA look at Dave with a serious expression. CobrA speaks up.)
CobrA - So, dude, what are you gonna do about that? I know it sucks, but how is order gonna be restored?
(Dave turns around and looks at both of them.)
Dave J. - I'll do something all right...something that you guys, and the people will forever hate me for. I know this might be our last moment together, but at this time, I have to say that it's been a pleasure working with you guys. I know what I'm gonna do...and like it or not, it's my decision. Now, let's go out there, Scorp. The game doesn't wait.
(Scorpion looks back at CobrA with a look of confusion, then turns around with Dave, walking out the door and closing it behind them. CobrA stares at the door...wondering what Dave meant.)
Kurt Ross - What did Dave mean when he said he'd do something that everybody would hate him for?
Merle Haggard Jr. - Well, at least he isn't going streaking. I'd regret that myself.
Kurt Ross - ...sigh...our next match is right around the corner...it's Scorpion vs. Shane B. Perkins for the Hardkore title...NEXT! Let's go to ringside.
Match 2: SCORPION vs. SHANE B. PERKINS - Hardcore Rules Match
(UNW Hardkore Title Match)
(Writing Credit: NickZ and VinceNeil1981)
(We go back to the arena...and then, suddenly, "Freddie's Dead" by Curtis Mayfield hits on the speakers. The fans are neutral as Shane B. Perkins gets ready to step out through the entranceway. Andy Mace, UNW ring announcer, gets on the microphone.)
Andy Mace - Now, coming to the ring, from Los Angeles, California, weighing in at 244 pounds, a member of the Self-Proclaimed Icons...SHANE B. PERKINS!!!!
(The fans are neutral as Shane B. steps through the curtain, into the sphere set. Purple fog fills up the sphere, emanating from the sphere's scaffolds. Shane B. taunts in the entranceway, raising his arms up above his head. He is wearing Barry White's old attire, sequined orange pants, and he is also wearing a shirt with the Self-Proclaimed Icons logo on it. The fog loosens up as Shane steps onto the ramp and out of the sphere.)
Kurt Ross - Well, Shane is back, finally. Shane has been missing in action from the UNW since Intoxication 2K2...that was last July when the UNW formed. Now, Shane is back and is going to be facing Scorpion here at Digital Mayhem.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Man, this PPV is excellent. We've seen a surprising finish with Chaos and the mysterious Man In Black...and now, we see a huge match between Shane B. Perkins and Scorpion. But, Kurt, nothing tonight ever comes close to this revolutionary set the backstage crew has set up for us. The sphere is one of the best sets I have ever seen anywhere in wrestling. The sphere's scaffolds are also good, too, I mean, they shoot fireworks, shine lights, and spray fog. Mucho Kudos, Technical Crew...bravo.
Kurt Ross - I agree with you., Merle. This sphere is excellent.
(Shane B. is now out of the sphere, and making his way down the aisle. He approaches the ring, and rolls straight into the ring. He gets up after one roll into the ring, and makes his way to the top rope. He bangs his head to the beat of "Freddie's Dead".)
Kurt Ross - I know, Merle, you're an expert at themes, what do you think of Perkins's new theme?
Merle Haggard Jr. - "Freddie's Dead"...good song...for Barry White freaks. It's not my cup of tea.
Kurt Ross - Oh, I see...so you LIKE Italian Music but you hate R&B.
Merle Haggard Jr. - EXACTLY. What's wrong with that, Kurt? After all, if you marry the baker boy, he'll come and go, go and come, and he will have the canoli in his hand!
Kurt Ross - Wonderful...just wonderful.
(Shane B. jumps off the top rope and settles into his corner, awaiting the arrival of his adversary. Then, suddenly, "Your Sweetness..." cuts and "Perserverance" by Hatebreed hits the speakers and Scorpion comes through the curtains. Andy Mace gets on the P.A. system.)
Andy Mace - Now, his opponent, from Hamburg, New York, weighing in at 235 pounds, the UNW Hardkore Champion, accompanied by UNW President Dave J., SCORPION!!!
(The fans cheer as Scorpion, hoisting his UNW Hardkore Title above his head, makes his way into the sphere, with Dave J. following closely by his side, wearing a suit and bowtie. Then, Scorp lowers his arms down, dragging his Hardkore Title on the ground beside him.)
Kurt Ross - Here he is, fans, the UNW Hardkore champion.
Merle Haggard Jr. - And it's a hardcore match as well! They never held matches like this in Muskogee.
Kurt Ross - I guess you long to be back home.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Yeah, I miss it, but traveling has left me with one thing.
Kurt Ross - What's that?
Merle Haggard Jr. - A severe case of Ramblin' Fever!
Kurt Ross - ...Right. Cut it out with all those country music references.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Kurt, that's my life! If there were no country music or wrestling in this world...I wouldn't be here.
(Scorpion walks out of the Digital Mayhem sphere, and flashbulbs illuminate the arena as the teenage females in the crowd forever have a picture of their idol. Scorpion walks down the aisle, and approaches the ring. Shane B. Perkins quickly steps out of the ring, and moves to the ring apron, looking for a weapon under it. He pulls out a steel chair, and without Scorpion or Dave noticing, slides back into the ring. Scorpion walks up the steel steps and into the ring, but gets hammered directly in the head with a steel chair! Scorpion, who was standing on the ring apron, falls right off of it. Referee Aaron Tolmsa calls for the bell and the match is officialy underway.)
Kurt Ross - What a LETHAL way to start this match!
Merle Haggard Jr. - I see ya, Scorp, lying down on that cold, hard floor! Someone forgot to bring their balls with them tonight to the arena!
Kurt Ross - We're not BOWLING tonight, Merle.
Merle Haggard Jr. - I know that. What I really meant was...umm...let's not go into that, shall we?
(Scorpion, lying down on the matting outside of the ring, struggles to get up. After about five seconds, though, Scorpion gets up, but gets met with a hard plancha by Perkins...but Scorpion catches Shane on the way down, and grapples him atop his head! Scorp then delivers a hard powerbomb, this time turning the tables and sending Shane B. to the ringside matting. Scorpion grabs his Hardkore title and drags it by his side as he climbs into the ring. He drops the title in the center of the ring, taunting to Shane B. outside of the ring to get up. Shane B. is slow to get up. After four or so seconds, though, Shane B. does get up and enter the ring. Scorpion, then, charges at Perk, nailing him with a hard, powerful clothesline, which sends Shane to the mat.)
Kurt Ross - Clothesline...well executed.
Merle Haggard Jr. - I agree, Kurt. Scorpion is such a gifted competitor.
Kurt Ross - Sure, he's gifted. He competes in every match like it's his last.
(Shane B. rolls over back onto his feet, as Scorpion moves right over to Shane once again. Perk then gets kicked straight in the mid-section as he struggles to get up. Scorpion puts Shane's head under his arm, and picks up Shane in a vertical suplex/brainbuster position, and spins him around in that position, three hundred and sixty degrees in the air...and then drops him in a Falcon Arrow, making it a 360° Falcon Arrow, which leaves Shane B. in a daze on the mat.)
Kurt Ross - WOW! EXCELLENT 360° MICHINOKU DRIVER!
Merle Haggard Jr. - No, you idiot, look, that wasn't no Michinoku Driver, that was a full fledged 360° FALCON ARROW.
Kurt Ross - Shut up, I know a move when I see one.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Did you actually WRESTLE, Kurt? No. I have the experience to show you that that was a Fal...
Kurt Ross - IT WAS A MICHINOKU DRIVER.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Fine, think that way. When the Revolution Studios critics knock on your door, I won't be there to pay the medical bills.
(Shane B. is out cold on the mat from that Falcon Arrow, and all of a sudden, Scorpion moves to the turnbuckle and jumps on top of it. The fans start to scream, as they know that Scorpion is going for his finisher, the Zenncore...but why so early?)
Kurt Ross - There is no way. Scorp thinks that he's got this one in the bag.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Hello, Mr. Zenncore, care to DROP IN?
(Scorpion taunts the fans, and then, the flashbulbs from the crowds illuminate the arena as Scorpion jumps off the top rope in a cannonball formation, then straightens his body out in mid-air...he looks like he's going to land the Zenncore, straight on Shane Perkins, but Shane moves out of the way at the last second, making Scorpion land straight onto the mat! The fans are in a state of shock.)
Kurt Ross - OH MY GOD! NO! SCORPION MISSED!
Merle Haggard Jr. - I told you he didn't bring his balls to the arena.
(Scorpion screams in pain, face down on the mat. Shane, now standing, jumps out of the ring. He pulls a table from under the apron.)
Kurt Ross - It looks like Shane is getting some wood, there, Merle!
Merle Haggard Jr. - Back in the day, wrestling didn't have all these bells and whistles, Kurt.
Kurt Ross - Yeah, back in the day, we didn't have wiseasses like you commentating, either.
(Perk pushes the table into the ring. Scorp is still recovering from his missed Zenncore. Shane props the table up in the corner. He then picks Scorp up and attempts an Irish Whip, but Scorpion reverses and shoves Perk into the table, head first! The table breaks as Shane B. Perkins falls down to the mat, screaming in pain. Shane turns over onto his back, now in the camera's view, and we see that Shane is beginning to profusely bleed from the mouth.)
Kurt Ross - My God, Merle! Perk has been busted right open!
Merle Haggard Jr. - As the legendary Shaun Andrews used to say, BLOOD AND GUTS!!!! HAHA!!!!
(Shane rolls over in pain, now in the middle of the ring. Scorp, noticing that Shane is almost out cold, moves towards the southeastern corner of the ring, and starts to climb the turnbuckle! Once again, the fans go wild as he signals for the Zenncore as he makes his way to the top rope. The Georgia Dome fills with flashbulbs as Scorp jumps into the air. Once again, he jumps down in a cannonball position, and straightens his body out at the last minute, landing the Zenncore! He crashes into Perk's body. He attempts the pin, hooking the leg. Referee Aaron Tolmsa slides over to make the count. ONE! TWO...but, suddenly, Referee Aaron Tolmsa is distracted and stops the count! DAVE J. has suddenly ran into the ring!!!)
Merle Haggard Jr. - What the hell is going on here? Dave is interfering when HIS OWN MAN had the match in his control!
(Dave moves toward the two men. Referee Aaron Tolmsa tries to move toward Dave, to send him out of the ring. Dave, though, talks to Referee Aaron Tolmsa and Aaron lets him pass. Dave looks down at Scorp, who is still covering Shane down on the mat. Scorpion looks up at Dave, crazily, but then, all of a sudden, Dave kicks Scorpion in the back! The fans boo as Dave picks the downed Scorpion from off of Shane B. Perkins. Dave holds Scorpion up by his neck.)
Kurt Ross - OH MY GOD...NO! DAVE HAS TURNED ON SCORPION! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! NO!
Merle Haggard Jr. - Things will never be the same, Kurt, face it. It's the lesson of life.
Kurt Ross - But...I thought those guys were blood brothers!
Merle Haggard Jr. - Not anymore, they aren't.
(Dave, holding Scorpion up, puts him into a scoop slam grapple. Then, Dave bodyslams Scorp in the remains of the table which lay in the corner of the ring. The fans boo loudly as Scorpion is knocked unconscious. Then, Dave moves to the body of Shane B. Perkins, and drags him across the mat by the arm, laying his body right on top of Scorp's. Dave moves out of the ring and tells Referee Aaron Tolmsa to resume his duties. Shane now rolls over onto Scorp and lazily hooks the leg. Referee Aaron Tolmsa make the count. ONE! TWO! THREE!!!! The bell rings and "Freddie's Dead" by Curtis Mayfield begins to play. The fans are in VERY mixed reactions, split right down the middle. Tons of fans in the arena cheer, while others boo. Shane kneels up, still winded from the Zenncore he faced earlier. Referee Aaron Tolmsa hands the UNW Hardkore Title to Shane B. Perkins, as he raises it above his head. Shane, now at half-kneel, laces the title around his shoulder and makes an effort to stand up onto his own two feet. He finally stands up and holds his title up over his head. Andy Mace gets on the P.A. system.)
Andy Mace - Your winner, and NEW UNW Hardkore Champion, SHANE B. PERKINS!!!!
(The fans, once again, are in mixed reactions as we are treated with the replay of the screwjob which just happened.)
Kurt Ross - YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME! SHANE B. PERKINS IS THE NEW UNW HARDKORE CHAMPION.
Merle Haggard Jr. - I'm proud of my boy, Shane B. I'm also proud of Dave, he showed his true feelings by giving Scorp a good ol' country ass whoopin'!!
Kurt Ross - It looks like that's it for the ScorpbrA/Dave connection, fans.
Merle Haggard Jr. - It was good while it lasted...but wait...what's going on here?
Segment 6: Insult To Injury
(Writing Credit: NickZ)
(Merle is talking about a man walking out of the sphere. We zoom in on him...it's CobrA! He looks like he is very annoyed and pissed off at Dave for what he just did. CobrA walks over to Dave, who is now making his way back to the entranceway. CobrA talks trash to Dave, who obviously, is staring CobrA right in the face. CobrA is disgusted. Just as CobrA begins to leave, though, Dave taps him on the shoulder and scoop slams him into the ringside matting! Dave, then, acting indignantly, spits right in the face of CobrA, who is struggling to get up on the ground. Dave walks around to the timekeeper, Mike Hansonki, and demands that Mike gives him the microphone. Mr. Hansonki gives Dave the microphone, and "Freddie's Dead" fades out. The fans begin to boo as Dave begins to speak to all of them, telling each and every one of them what he feels inside.)
Dave J. - Fans...I told you that I will do something that you will always hate me for, and I just did it. I'd like to tell you something from the bottom of my heart, fans...and that's something very personal.
(The fans begin to quiet down as Dave holds the microphone up to his lips.)
Dave J. - Fans...If I had my way, I'd have all of you SHOT! You all are insignificant, stupid hillbillies down here in Georgia...watching your NASCAR and playing your GEE-TAR...you all make me want to puke my internal organs into this ring.
(The fans begin to boo very loudly. The fans are so loud, that a near-sighted person can go deaf. Some rowdy fans begin to get very pissed off and try to cross the safety barrier, but they quickly get gobbled up by Event Security. The camera pans back around to Dave's face. It is creased in a very evil smile. Dave raises the microphone to his lips, interrupting the maddening crowd.)
Dave J. - Consider this the END of the innocence of the UNW...and welcome, everybody, to MY SHOW!!!!!
(Dave gets interrupted by a man standing outside of the sphere.)
Voice - HOLD ON THERE...
(We pan toward the man. The fans cheer loudly. It is the UNW Chairman himself, VinceNeil1981. Vince looks very peeved. We cut back to Dave's face. He looks as annoyed as ever. He turns around to face Vince.)
VinceNeil1981 - ...yeah, you, Dave. What do you think you're doing with JOE, VINCE, AND NICK'S SHOW? And above all, what the hell do you think you're doing with the FANS' SHOW?
(The fans cheer loudly as Dave looks on at Vince in anger.)
Dave J. - I don't give a flying fu...
(VinceNeil1981 interrupts Dave.)
VinceNeil1981 - No, don't even think about it, Dave. I can read your mind. Your thoughts are mixed, just like your blood and mine when my fist hits your face!
(Vince rushes down the aisle, as the fans cheer. Dave, though, has other plans, and escapes through the crowd. When Vince reaches the ring, Dave has already escaped through an entrance. Vince looks furious as he puts his microphone to his lips.)
VinceNeil1981 - Don't worry, Davey Jay...I'll find you soon enough...and when I do, you're gonna be in for a surprise!
(Vince drops the microphone onto the mat, as "Sharp Dressed Man" by ZZ Top hits. Vince, then, walks back through the sphere, infuriated, looking for Dave.)
Kurt Ross - VinceNeil1981 is a man on a mission.
Merle Haggard Jr. - What? He doesn't look like those two black guys, though!
Kurt Ross - I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT THEM! I was talking about the fact that he's so furious about Dave's actions tonight.
Merle Haggard Jr. - Oh yeah. No doubt about it. You better believe that Vince is pissed off right about now. Dave had no right to do what he did...Jeez, he never listens, does he?
Kurt Ross - I guess not, Merle, I guess not.
Segment 7: Salv In Retrospect
(Writing Credit: VinceNeil1981)
(We cut straight to the Il Mafia locker room where Donnie Brasco, Sunnie Black, and Salvatore are watching what just happened.)
Donnie Brasco - Dave thinks he owns this fed, what a idiot. No one man owns this fed.
Salvatore - You're right. Il Mafia possiede questo UNW!
Sunnie Black - I saved the UNW. Now, why do these pisian try to save the UNW in place of me?
(Suddenly, VinceNeil1981 storms into the room, looking to the left and to the right.)
VinceNeil1981 - Salvatore...Sunnie...Donnie...have you seen that stupid excuse for a president, Dave, anywhere around these parts?
Salvatore - How should we know, boss?
(Vince looks suspicious. He studies Il Mafia's facial expressions and thinks that they ARE, in fact hiding Dave in the room.)
VinceNeil1981 - Ah ha, so he is in here!
Donnie Brasco - Why would we hide that pisian in here? He is un pezzo di mucca.
(Vince looks very annoyed.)
VinceNeil1981 - You people better be telling me the honest truth...or else, I'll have all of your asses fired and out the door.
(Salvatore begins to speak.)
Salvatore - We swear...upon God...that we have not seen that man anywhere.
(We cut back to Vince's face, as he looks around the room, still very infuriated. Finally, he gives up and succumbs to Il Mafia's statements.)
VinceNeil1981 - Okay. I believe you. He can't be hiding out in here. See you guys after the show.
(Vince storms out of the room screaming inaudible curses in the hallway. Salvatore, Donnie, and Sunnie focus back on the TV screen as we cut to the ring.)
Match 3: ScorpbrA vs. RFTD 5
(UNW Tag Team Championship Match)
(Writing Credit: NickZ)
(Instead of going to the ring, yet again, Joe Johnson is speaking to RFTD 5 in his office.)
Joe Johnson - I'm sorry, guys, your match has been called off because of injury to both Scorpion and CobrA.
(Both Spectre and John Shaft begin to sigh.)
Spectre - Can't you book us with someone else?
Joe Johnson - I'm afraid not...there isn't a thing that I can do about it.
John Shaft - C'mon, Joe, do somethin'!
Joe Johnson - I'm sorry, again, because of Dave's actions, the match has been called off.
Spectre - OK, Joe, but don't screw us like this at Spring Breakdown...or else, we'll be coming for YOU.
Joe Johnson - I promise you, your time will come. In fact, you guys will get the shot on HighStakes next week. So, count on going into the ring with ScorpbrA.
Spectre - .....OK. We'll see you then.
(RFTD 5 walk out of Joe's office as we go down to Kurt and Merle.)
Segment 8: Sponsors
(Writing Credit: NickZ)
Kurt Ross - UNW Digital Mayhem 2003 is brought to you by Mixman Technologies. Makers of The DM² music mixer. Ever wanted to make music like the professionals can? Now you can. The DM². Only from MIXMAN!!!
Merle Haggard Jr. - And by Red Bull. It REALLY gives you wings! Take it from me, when I was bummed out, I drank Red Bull and I kissed everything in sight! Or was that Love Potion #9...anyway, Red Bull gives you WINGS!
Kurt Ross - And, also by MDickie Software. Want to own your own wrestling league? Now, you actually can with FEDERATION BOOKER! Coming soon. And, also coming soon, an addon pack for Federation Booker with the top feds from Revolution Studios!
Merle Haggard Jr. - Kurt, now comes the time for the biggest match of the evening in my honest opinion. It's Salvatore against Barry White for the #1 Contendership! It's gonna be huge, Kurt, and it will be unlike anything anyone has EVER seen.
Kurt Ross - No doubt about it. Let's go to the ring!
