Post by Goldash on Oct 4, 2012 17:18:36 GMT -5
In preparation for the CAW-era debut of HighStakes, I'll be posting some of our early HS shows from our text-based era in the Text-Based Temple. Here's UNW HighStakes from all the way back on the 14th of February, 2003! Annotations will follow in the subsequent post. Enjoy:
LIVE on REVOLUTION STUDIOS' STV
From the UNW Arena in Orchard Park, New York
Segment 1: Who Are They?
(We are in the UNW Arena's parking garage, where several cars line the grey stucco walls. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a bright yellow hummer with a "Biohazard" sign on the hood breaks the silence. The windows are so tinted that we can hardly see who is driving the Hummer. We zoom in closer to the car as the cameraman's hand faintly shakes in the procedure. The car's decent into the garage comes to a coda as it pulls into a spot and the engine sound stops from it. Then, the driver and passenger step out simultaneously. We see, instantly, that these two men look the same...exactly the same. They have long, slicked back hair, a Piazza-style chin goatee which is thin at the top but is wider at the bottom, dark Oakley sunglasses, black trenchcoats, black leather pants, and yellow construction boots. They both carry one black and yellow gym bag each as they prepare to walk to the backstage hallway entrance, which is a good one minute walk from where the mysterious men stand. They start walking quite slowly, without an expression on their face. We follow their movement to the backstage hallway entrance. Without hesitation, the man to the ring opens the windowed door into the backstage entranceway. They proceed to walk again, turn a corner, and then bump into UNW Commissioner Jeffrey K. Davis. Jeffrey gets startled and instinctively begins to speak.)
Jeffrey K. Davis - Just who the hell are you guys? You're not members of the UNW E-Fed...why are you looking at eachother?
(The strange men simply look at eachother, nod, and double clothesline Jeffrey K. Davis and continue walking, still not talking or showing an expression. We pan back on Jeffrey K. Davis's face, and he is busted wide open. Blood covers his face and his white suit which is now soiled with his own Type-A blood. We pan right back to the two strange men who look like they have someone to see. They turn another corner, and stop at a door labeled "NickZ, UNW Owner". The man on the left hand side knocks on the door and they wait. There is no answer. The man on the right looks at the man on the left and points with his right hand to his left fist. The man on the left nods, and then punches a hole in the door. He pulls his arm out of the hole and cocks back his arm and punches the doorknob straight off its screws as it lands on the floor. The man on the left's hand is busted open, but he raises his bleeding knuckles to his mouth, sucks the blood and wipes the left-over blood on his trenchcoat. The man on the right pushes the door open. The lights are off, except for a faint light on the ceiling coming from a walk-in closet door. The two men continue walking, even though it is in the pitch black. The men continue walking, as the camera fades out as they approach the door. We hear a woman's scream and a voice.)
Voice - NICK. WE ARE HERE. YOU CAN'T ESCAPE THE SHOK.
(The lights turn back on and Nick is standing frantically in the doorway of the walk-in closet with his hair in a mess. He is wearing a black dress shirt with a UNW logo tie and black dress pants. His sleeves are uncuffed and it looks like he had just gotten out of a bad situation. The shocked UNW Owner begins to talk.)
NickZ - Wh...Who are you? And how the freaking hell did you get through the door??? Explain yourselves, or else I'm gonna have to bring all of security into this office to escort you out of the damn arena.
(The two men stand, emotionless, staring at Nick. The man at the left begins to speak.)
Man On Left - Nick. Sign us to a contract or you will pay...with your life.
(Nick almost laughs.)
NickZ - You have to be kidding me.
(The man on the right begins to talk.)
Man On Right - No. We are serious. You must sign us. Now. Or else...we have no choice.
(Nick, looking sick to his stomach, walks over to his desk, grabs two contracts, and puts them on the desk. He signs them and gives them to the two men.)
NickZ - Here. Now get out of my damn office.
(The men do not move. The man on the left begins to speak again.)
Man On Left - Wait, first you must know who we are, first. I am Sekk. The man next to me is Saex. We form The Shok. Tonight, we must face The Alaskan Warriors. Goodbye, NickZ.
(The two men turn around and walk out the door in synchronization. Nick hurries back into the walk-in closet as we fade out to the HighStakes intro.)
Segment 2:Introduction
I've Got The Key To Gramercy Park,
Where It's Safe To Be Afraid Of The Dark
After That We Can F*** By The Heavenly Stars
But I Might, Might Miss Breaking In Through The Bars
(The UNW HighStakes theme, "The Key To Gramercy Park", blares throughout the sold-out UNW Arena as the fans cheer loudly. The time has come for HighStakes! The rotating camera rig pans around the arena, looking at all the fans who are ready to make their television debuts. The UNW's hometown, Orchard Park, New York, is always ready for the UNW to show off their wrestling skills live on Revolution Studios' STV. The fans hold up various signs, including...)
BYE BYE NEWTON!
jaime rulz my heart!
Intero Can Bury Iraq with his Pinky Finger!
I still believe that Kurt Ross is Sexy!
(As we finish panning, we cut right to the announcers at their ringside booth, Kurt Ross and Shaun Andrews. Shaun is wearing a Tommy Vercetti-esque light blue hawaiian shirt, and Kurt Ross is wearing a UNW logo polo shirt.)
Kurt Ross - Fans, here tonight, it's the rematch of rematches! Interogative and Dynamite Newton are ready to have a impacting match tonight, and they are facing each other for the first time since The Barrster's Revenge on January 26th! This is Kurt Ross along with Shaun Andrews live from The UNW Arena in Orchard Park, New York! The fans here are always rowdy and tonight is no exception, Shaun.
Shaun Andrews - Yeah, Kurt, whatever, you dumbass, because you know that Shaun Andrews is the REAL star of this show! Let me tell you, Kurt, stop making a damn name for yourself because I say that Newton will win the match, hands down. Interogative has no chance after his loss way back in January.
Kurt Ross - Whatever, Shaun, you know that I like my wrestling, and all you like to do is BITCH! Now I'll have Nick have you fired and I can sit in the booth again with ALEX LORD, England's Best Export!!!
Shaun Andrews - NO! Anyone but him. When I left the UNW in 2001 to announce for the MWEF, and I tuned into the UNW, it sucked with him. His voice was annoying, his mannerisms were annoying, and simply put, the man sucked. So let's not do that.
Kurt Ross - Whatever, Shaun. Also, we have a first tonight. A triple table match! CobrA vs. Jaime Emo for the UNW HighFlyer title. Now, Shaun, what do you think of that?
Shaun Andrews - Hell yeah! Now, that's what I'm talking about. BLOOD AND GUTS! BLOOD AND GUTS!!!! YEAH!!! E-C-DUB...
Kurt Ross - WOAH, wrong federation, there, Shaun.
Shaun Andrews - I know, but I still wanna see some blood and some guts. Maybe a little blood and a lot of guts, maybe a lot of blood and a little guts. Heh, you know what, Kurt? I'd like to see YOUR fat ass's blood and guts all over the mat!
Kurt Ross - Oh, great, now this again.
Shaun Andrews - Whatsa matter, can't take a joke?!
Kurt Ross - No, unfortunately.
(Shaun pauses for a few seconds, then starts speaking again.)
Shaun Andrews - Well, Kurt, a little off the topic right now, but Happy Valentines day...even though no woman would ever love YOU. They all want ME.
Kurt Ross - *sigh* Well, YOU are acting narcissitic tonight, Shaun.
Shaun Andrews - I always act narcissitic, Kurt.
Kurt Ross - Forget it, Shaun. Let's go to the ring for our first match of the night.
Shaun Andrews - Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go!
Kurt Ross - We don't quote hopeless overactive bladder commercials here, Shaun.
Shaun Andrews - Sorry, Mr. Senseless. Anyhoo, let's go to the ring.
(We go the entranceway as a theme starts and we get ready for UNW HighStakes.)
Match 1:CHAOS vs. DREW POTTER
(The HighStakes theme fades out, and suddenly, "Lapdance" by N.E.R.D. hits. White strobe lights in the entranceway pulsate as Andy Mace, the UNW's ring announcer, gets on the microphone.)
Andy Mace - This match is a scheduled one fall contest. Coming out first, from Deltona, Florida, weighing in at an even 246 pounds, MAKING HIS UNW DEBUT, DREW POTTER!
(Instantly after Andy Mace makes his introduction, a man with black JNCO jeans with pulled up boxers steps out, he is newcomer Drew Potter. He pumps his right fist as he runs down the aisle and the ramp, and slides into the ring, rotating his body ninety degrees in the process. He gets up from his slide and jumps onto the top rope and pumps his right fist once again. The crowd remains neutral. He jumps down and settles in the right corner of the ring.)
Kurt Ross - Here's Drew Potter making his UNW debut! This young man looks promising, Shaun, and as we all know, you love young talent.
Shaun Andrews - Damn right I do! Potter looks like he can make an impact in the UNW if he can get the best spots possible from his opponent.
("Lapdance" fades out and suddenly "Body Crumbles" by Dry Cell hits. The fans cheer as yellow lights appear in the entranceway. We go back to Andy Mace.)
Andy Mace - Now coming to the ring, the opponent, from Landover, Maryland, weighing 214 pounds, CHAOS!!!!!
(The fans cheer as Chaos lurks out from the backstage area. His blonde hair is slicked back and he is wearing a white, sweat-stained tanktop and cut-off denim shorts. He appears on the stage, and slowly raises one arm up. A blast of fireworks comes out from behind him. He then raises his other arm up slowly and another blast happens from behind him. He holds his arms in the air for a few seconds, then lets them go and the pyrotechnics stop from behind him. He then looks into the camera and trashtalks about his upcoming match into the camera. The camera follows him, walking down the ramp, then into the aisleway. He finally goes up the steel steps, and goes into the ring. He poses to the fans by pointing and trash talking to Drew Potter, who is still waiting in the corner.)
Shaun Andrews - CHAOS! The master of trashtalk is back!
Kurt Ross - Shaun, it looks like his popularity is rising as well because of that trashtalk.
Shaun Andrews - It's not a unique style, though, because I used it first! Haha! He's such a poser...OK, Kurt, I'll be quiet, you look offended.
Kurt Ross - I am offended at your narcissistic comments tonight.
Shaun Andrews - Hey, I am what makes this show what it is, Kurt, not you, OK? Face the music.
("Body Crumbles" fades out as the house lights turn on and the referee, Aaron Tolmsa, calls for the bell. At the bell, the men circle the ring for a while. Suddenly, they both move closer and go for a tie up.)
Kurt Ross - They lock up...
(From the tie-up, Chaos irish whips Drew Potter into the ropes. Chaos ducks down and lies on the mat, and Drew Potter skips over him. Chaos gets up as Potter runs into the adjacent ropes. Potter runs into Chaos and grapples him for what seems like a monkey toss, but before Potter can lift him up, Chaos moves out of the move by sticking his arm up over the lifting arm of Drew. Chaos spins around and hits Potter with a well-placed Monkey Toss, sending Drew Potter down to the mat. On impact, Potter shouts in pain.)
Shaun Andrews - Hey, Kurt, who gave the Monkey Toss its name?
Kurt Ross - I don't know, don't ask me that.
Shaun Andrews - Well, you should know, because you're the only one I can ask!
Kurt Ross - I don't know, OK, just face it, Shaun.
Shaun Andrews - Whatever...
(As Potter lies on the mat, Chaos slithers back into the corner he started out in. The camera focuses on his face, which looks cocky. Potter gets to his hands and knees, when, suddenly, Chaos thrusts himself out of the corner using both top ropes, and hits Potter with a cheap knee to the head. Potter yelps in pain. Chaos kneels down, looks into Potter's eyes, and says "WELCOME TO THE UNW, CHUMP" and spits in Potter's face. He slams Potter's head into the mat as he proceeds to his corner again.)
Kurt Ross - How indignant is Chaos to do that? That's just inhumane for a person of his stature.
Shaun Andrews - Next time, Kurt, speak in plain English when you comment, okay? Then Mr. Hillbilly living in the trailer park can understand you.
(Potter is slow to get up. He shakes it off and sucks it up as the two men circle the ring and tie up. The tie-up doesn't last long, though, because Potter kicks Chaos in the gut, grabs his head, and slams Chaos down head first with a perfectly-spotted DDT. The fans react greatly as Potter gets himself up from the execution and quickly stomps on the downed Chaos's spinal area once, twice, three times. Potter then grapples Chaos by the head and ties him up with Chaos's head between his legs. He falls backwards and keeps Chaos's legs up for a pulling piledriver.)
Kurt Ross - Pulling piledriver! Great execution on the part of Drew Potter.
(Chaos is knocked out on the mat as Drew Potter goes to the top rope. He waits for Chaos to get up. Soon enough, Chaos pulls himself to a standing position using the ropes. He doesn't notice that Potter is on the top rope, and instantly, when Chaos turns around to face Potter, Potter jumps down from the top rope with a diving spear which knocks Chaos senseless. Then, Potter gets up, and stomps on Chaos once again. Referee Aaron Tolmsa gets in Potter's way and after four stomps, tells Drew to back off and to move back to his corner and let Chaos get back up. He stops the stomping and moves away, circling the ring, waiting for Chaos to get up again. Chaos gets up in about a matter of seven seconds. The two men stare face to face in the middle of the ring, and then Chaos pushes Potter away in cockiness. Potter tries to run back to Chaos with a clothesline after the push, but gets countered with a powerslam down to the mat. Chaos is back in it.)
Shaun Andrews - Looks like Chaos still has something left in him, Kurt!
(Chaos taunts for Drew Potter to get up. Potter does not get up. Finally, Chaos picks Potter up by his neck and delivers a overhand chop. He then irish whips Potter into the ropes and when Potter crosses mid-ring, Chaos uses a huge dropkick to send Potter to the canvas. Chaos gets up instantly and signals for his finisher, the Lockjaw Driver.)
Kurt Ross - It's Lockjaw Driver time!
Shaun Andrews - No s***, Kurt.
Kurt Ross - I hope our censors bleeped that one out.
(Chaos waits for Potter, once again, to get up, and then ties him up. Then, Chaos kicks out of the tieup, places Potter's head between his legs, lifts him up, and comes down with a mixture of a stunner/piledriver called the Lockjaw Driver! That's Chaos's finishing move. The fans cheer. It's all over as Chaos goes for the pin, hooking the leg. Referee Aaron Tolmsa slides and makes the count. ONE! TWO! THREE! The bell rings as the match comes to a close and "Body Crumbles" by Dry Cell hits again and the fans go ballistic as Andy Mace announces the winner.)
Andy Mace - Your winner, CHAOS!!!!!!!
(Chaos has his arm raised by Referee Aaron Tolmsa as he exits the ring.)
Shaun Andrews - Chaos was like a raging bull there, Kurt. Like Robert DeNiro in that movie. Great movie, rent it at your local Blockbuster. Anyway, Chaos got beat around, but he came back in no time to end this match. BOOM.
Kurt Ross - Shaun, for some reason you remind me of a few people.
Shaun Andrews - Oh yeah? Who?
Kurt Ross - Those annoying old guys in the box on The Muppet Show.
Shaun Andrews - Oh yeah? Those guys were my IDOLS when that show was on!
Kurt Ross - No wonder you're so annoying.
Shaun Andrews - OK, Kurt. Anyway, fans, we'll be right back with the debut of THE SHOK.
Kurt Ross - Hey, that was my line.
Shaun Andrews - You bastard, no, that was my line...
(We fade to a commercial break.)
Segment 3:Commercials #1
COMMERCIAL ONE:
Revolution Studios.
You think you're #1? Let's see what you can do, buddy boy.
With our Neilson Rating system, your fed's cards will be inspected by us and either be worthy or wothless.
SO, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
GET UP OFF YOUR ASS AND PROVE TO THE WORLD HOW GOOD YOU ARE.
revolutionSTUDIOS
Think you're #1? Prove it.
COMMERCIAL TWO:
The biggest wrestling album of the year! Featuring artists like Pink Floyd, Big Tymers featuring Barry White, Static X, Home Town Hero, Dry Cell, Sean Paul, and much more!
...
UNW LIGHTNING
COMING SOON TO A STORE NEAR YOU!
Segment 4: Concerned About The Future
(The fans are silent. Then, a deep voice says "Team Carkus" on the P.A. system, and then, with a blast of fireworks, "By The Time I Get To Arizona" by Public Enemy plays and the crowd goes absolutely nuts. Strobe lights pulsate as Carkus2000 steps out with a personalized CARKUS #00 Buffalo Bills jersey. Carkus struts down the aisle and poses to the fans while stutting. He then goes into the ring and grabs a microphone.)
Carkus2000 - First and foremost, I'd like to thank the people. They've been with the UNW through the hard times with blueTV cancelling us, we have a new group backing us up, and that's REVOLUTION STUDIOS. I'd like to thank Cellrock and the guys over there for taking the UNW through that dark age. Well, now on to my main focus. Tonight, Newton and Interogative collide. I don't care about that a bit. What I care about is the future of one of the biggest UNW stars ever. His name is....SALVATORE!!!!
(The fans cheer as "Luna Mezzo Mare" by Lou Monte plays and Salvatore steps out in a shrowd of red fireworks. He walks down the ramp and then slaps hands with a few of the fans on both sides of the entranceway. He then rolls into the ring and grabs the microphone tossed to him by the timekeeper, Mr. Hansonki. "Luna Mezzo Mare" fades out as the fans await Salvatore's catchphrase.)
Salvatore - ...HOME OF THE QUAKERS, HOME OF THE BUFFALO BILL, THE FANS PAY THE MONEY AND I MAKE THE SEATS FILL!
(The fans go crazy as Salvatore and Carkus2000 stand next to eachother in the ring. Salvatore lifts the microphone to his lips.)
Salvatore - You know, Carkus was right. I ain't doin' nothing. Nick's so preoccupied with his puny little Team Regime that he ain't payin' attention to mio. I say that on Rush, this Monday, I have a shot at Newton. Carkus, what about it.
(Salvatore looks at Carkus inquisitively and he smiles in response.)
Carkus2000 - Of course you are. That means, On Rush, it is official that it will be Salvatore vs. Newton. But it won't be any regular match. It'll be a....H*** IN A C***!!!
(The fans cheer, but suddenly, the cheering is broken up. "Cochise" by Audioslave plays on the P.A. system as the fans start to boo loudly and NickZ appears on the stage with a microphone, looking quite mad. He gives the 'cut' sign and "Cochise" cuts. He begins to speak.)
NickZ - WAIT, WAIT. CARKUS, YOU CAN'T MAKE MATCHES OUT OF NOWHERE WITHOUT NOTIFYING ME OR JEFFREY K. DAVIS FIRST. THAT MATCH WILL NOT HAPPEN, AND THAT'S FINAL. Now, get out of my ring before I have security take you out. NOW!
(The fans boo as "Cochise" by Audioslave hits as Nick leaves first. Then, after a couple seconds, Salvatore and Carkus follow.)
Shaun Andrews - Don't you just love Nick? He's such a positive role model.
Kurt Ross - No, I don't think he is. Actually, I'm afraid what's going on in his mind right now since The Shok threatened to kill him earlier tonight.
Shaun Andrews - Well, speaking of The Shok, their debut match is next! Let's get down to the damn ring...NOW! Damn, I wish I had power like Nick does. Then I'd fire you and bring back Joe Payne.
Match 2:THE SHOK vs. THE ALASKAN WARRIORS
(Suddenly, the lights in the arena shut off except for yellow lights in the entranceway as the intro to "Do You Call My Name" by RA hits. The intro is full of tablas and oriental instruments. Finally, the intro ends and then, yellow lights come on across the arena, pulsating on and off. Thick fog spouts from the entranceway as the two men, Sekk and Saex, come out. They are humongous, about 7'4" tall. They wear a black singlet with yellow designs on it, and the same Oakley sunglasses as before. They raise their arms up as Andy Mace announces.)
Andy Mace - This tag-team contest is scheduled for one fall. Coming to the ring, from Parts Unknown, weighing in at a amazing combined weight of 987 pounds, SEKK! SAEX! THE SHOK!!!!!!
(The fans remain neutral as these two dangerous men walk down the ramp, down the aisleway, and step over the ropes, into the ring ALL IN SYNCHRONIZATION. They go into the ring and take off their dark Oakley sunglasses. Their eyes look psychotic. Sekk has un-natural green eyes and Saex has un-natural yellow eyes. They stand in the corner, staring at the entranceway for The Alaskan Warriors to come out.)
Kurt Ross - Those two men are the most hideous looking human beings I have ever seen in my life, Shaun.
Shaun Andrews - For the first time, Kurt, I have to agree with you on this one. They look freakin' ugly!!
(Suddenly, "Do You Call My Name" fades out and "Lose Yourself" by Eminem hits. The fans remain neutral as The Alaskan Warriors step out of the entranceway and onto the stage. Andy Mace announces their entry.)
Andy Mace - And their opponents, from Anchorage, Alaska, at a combined weight of 976 pounds, Iceberg, Glacier, THE ALASKAN WARRIORS!!!
(The Alaskan Warriors pose for the fans on the stage, and then they proceed down the ramp. They wear camo tights as they have always done. They walk down the ramp, into the aisleway, and climb up the steel steps to go into the ring. They settle in their corner.)
Shaun Andrews - Ah...those Damn Alaskans are back!
Kurt Ross - Yes, Shaun, they are back, and they are ready for action tonight!
(Referee Aaron Tolmsa signals for the bell and the bell rings. Sekk of The Shok and Iceberg of The Alaskan Warriors start out the match. Sekk walks slowly toward Iceberg, who is about half as short as Sekk. Sekk then, without hesitation, gets Iceberg in a chokehold and lifts him up. Sekk then jumps and chokeslams Iceberg clear out of the ring! Our cameras follow Iceberg and it looks like he is cold dead when he falls down on impact to the outside. Saex drops down from the ring apron and irish whips Iceberg into the ring. Saex then comes into the ring. Iceberg is still out cold. Sekk gets Iceberg in a chokehold once again, and we can see Iceberg's face reddening by the instant. Sekk nods to Saex. Sekk lifts Iceberg up, and then Saex stands by Iceberg's head. Here it comes! Iceberg comes halfway down with another giant chokeslam, and then, suddenly Saex grabs his head and DDT's Iceberg's head straight into the mat!)
Shaun Andrews - Oh, God, there is no way...
Kurt Ross - OH MY GOD...THIS IS HORRIBLE! ICEBERG IS NOW INSIDE THE MAT!
(Referee Aaron Tolmsa calls for the bell and disqualifies The Shok because of that dangerous Chokeslam DDT right into the mat. The fans are booing The Shok loudly as Andy Mace goes on the P.A.)
Andy Mace - Ladies and Gentlemen, the winners by disqualification, THE ALASKAN WARRIORS!
(Suddenly, Saex grabs Glacier, the other Alaskan Warrior, from the apron and gives him a full nelson slam right through the ring as well! The fans are now throwing garbage at The Shok, anything they can. "Do You Call My Name" by RA hits again as The Shok leave the ring and approach the entranceway as the fans boo them loudly.)
Kurt Ross - That has to be the quickest, and most disturbing match in UNW history.
Shaun Andrews - I agree 100% with you, Kurt. These guys must be stopped.
Kurt Ross - I don't think anyone in the UNW can stop these guys!!! This is gonna be hell for the UNW when Sekk and Saex step into the ring.
Shaun Andrews - The only thing I'm worried about is the ring. Are the rest of the matches tonight gonna take place backstage? That's for Nick to decide.
Kurt Ross - Well, anyway, there are three more matches tonight, there was going to be four more matches, but I have heard, because of the ring's condition, the fourth isn't gonna happen tonight. We're awaiting the announcement from NickZ about the situation with the rest of the matches tonight....OK...here he is.
(We cut to the V.I.P. Room, where NickZ is sitting at his desk.)
NickZ - I am sorry fans, but the ring has been broken by The Shok. Tonight, the rest of the matches will be backstage. Thank you and have a nice HighStakes...without the ring...DAMMIT! TURN THAT DAMN CAMERA OFF!
(We cut back to the announcers.)
Kurt Ross - Tonight, fans, the rest of the matches will be held backstage, so anything goes. NEXT, it's the TRIPLE TABLE MATCH for the HighFlyer title up next on HighStakes!
Shaun Andrews - BLOOD AND GUTS! YEAH! Kurt, the match will be good. I am sure of it, unlike YOU. So, fans, next, it's the first ever Triple Table Match in UNW History!!!
Segment 5:Commercial Break #2
COMMERCIAL 3:
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FOR YOUR ENTERTAINENT
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Match 3:COBRA vs. JAIME EMO (UNW HighFlyer Title On The Line)
BACKSTAGE - TRIPLE TABLE MATCH
Kurt Ross - We have been told that both men are backstage already and the three tables have been set up. Let's go there now.
(We cut to the backstage area where the referee signals for the bell and it rings. Jaime Emo, who is wearing baggy blue camo pants and has died his hair pure blue, and CobrA, who is the UNW HighFlyer Champion, who is wearing a plaid vest and cutoff jean shorts, are ready to fight. The three tables are spread out throughout the UNW Arena lobby where they are fighting. The match has started. CobrA and Jaime Emo stare eachother down, and then Jaime starts the match with a hard punch to the ribs of CobrA. They tie up and Jaime hits a front-layout vertical suplex on CobrA right off the bat, sending CobrA to the hard concrete. CobrA grunts as he makes contact with the ground. Jaime Emo picks up CobrA by his neck and sets him up with a hard punch to the forehead. Then another and then another, until Referee Aaron Tolmsa tells them to separate. Jaime Emo does not follow the ref's orders and Aaron Tolmsa pulls him away from CobrA. This sets up a good situation for CobrA, as he is still standing.)
Kurt Ross - Jaime Emo is targeting CobrA's head, for some odd reason...Shaun, why is this happening?
Shaun Andrews - Why is this happening?! Who do you think I am, God? So I can tell you why things happen and why? Kurt, you stupid fool, don't ask me such bullsh**.
(The match continues as CobrA and Jaime Emo circle eachother and they tie up. CobrA wins this tie-up, as he places Jaime in a hammerlock. Jaime is yelping for pain. After about twelve seconds, CobrA lets Jaime go and drop to the floor. CobrA moves toward the first table, which lies in the northeastern corner of the lobby.)
Shaun Andrews - Here we go, CobrA, get that damn table!!!
(CobrA places the table straight in the corner, so it is tilted in a vertical manner. CobrA awaits Jaime's ascent to his feet. Jaime pushes himself up in about a couple seconds. CobrA and Jaime tie up once again, and CobrA looks to irish whip Jaime right into the first table. Here we go...Irish Whip...but Jaime Emo reverses it into an inverted head-first whip, sending CobrA head first into the table! The table breaks with a large crack and CobrA falls to the ground, yelping in pain. Jaime pumps his fists as we hear the crowd in the background, picked up from Kurt and Shaun's microphone's, cheering loudly. CobrA shakes it off instantly, and gets back up, runs toward Jaime Emo, and Thesz Presses him! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven punches are thrown, and then Aaron Tolmsa tells CobrA to back off.)
Kurt Ross - The tables have turned!
Shaun Andrews - Literally! BLOOD AND GUTS!
Kurt Ross - What's your obsession with Blood and Guts all of a sudden?
Shaun Andrews - I have no clue. Really, I don't. After all, I'm being fed...
Kurt Ross - Fed what?
Shaun Andrews - Oh you know, my...you know...
Kurt Ross - SHAUN!
Shaun Andrews - Kurt, I have to be honest when I tell the people I get my lines fed...OOPS! Sorry, fans....you didn't hear that conversation. Back to the match.
(CobrA gets the other table ready, a few feet away from where Jaime Emo is recovering from the Thesz Press. CobrA is taunting Jaime Emo to "get up". Jaime is not getting up, he is still struggling. Finally, CobrA gives up and picks Jaime Emo up for a scoop slam. He tries to scoop slam Jaime, but Jaime reverses it into The EmoTion, his finisher, right through the table...NO! CobrA reverses the EmoTion right into a german suplex before he hits the table...and with this German Suplex, Jaime goes right through Table #2. So it's 1 to 1. The last table will have to determine who wins.)
Kurt Ross - This is a close match, Shaun, two tables have been used, and now the third one only remains!
Shaun Andrews - Three words, man, Bl....
(Shaun gets interrupted.)
Kurt Ross - I know, I know, Blood and Guts.
(Jaime gets up. Apparently, that last move busted him right open. He is bleeding all over. His face is covered with drips of red. This is crunch time for Jaime and CobrA, as the last table will seperate who wins from who loses. CobrA gets things going with a punch, but Jaime blocks it and delivers two punches of his own to CobrA's body. CobrA is reeling and is in a ducking position. Jaime cheapshots CobrA with a knee right to the head and CobrA falls to the pavement on his back. Jaime drags out Table #3 right near an area marked off by yellow tape with a ladder next to it for maintenance purposes. Jaime notices the ladder, moves it toward the table, and smirks.)
Shaun Andrews - A LADDER! Where the hell did that come from, all of a sudden?! I smell T.R.O.U.B.L.E. right now, and no, I ain't Travis Tritt.
Kurt Ross - With your Texas accent, you sound just like him, Shaun, hahahaha!
Shaun Andrews - Don't make fun of the accent. DEFINITELY do NOT make fun of the accent or I will kick your ass.
Kurt Ross - Whatever you say there, buddy boy.
(CobrA gets up from the ground. The two men exchange punches. Right hand by Emo. Left hand by CobrA. Right by Emo again. Left by CobrA, once again. Right hand...blocked by CobrA! They lock up and CobrA hits a vicious belly to belly on Jaime! Jaime Emo looks like he is out cold, but CobrA picks him up, and lays him on the table gently. He walks toward the ladder.)
Kurt Ross - What's gonna happen here? CobrA looks like he's gonna retain his title!
(The ladder is approximately 15 feet tall. CobrA begins his ascent. He steps up rung one, rung two, rung three, rung four, rung five, rung six...we watch him ascend to the top of the ladder. He stands on the metallic piece on top and taunts Jaime with a thumbs down.)
Shaun Andrews - It's gonna be a long fall, CobrA!!! NO! DON'T DO IT!
Kurt Ross - Shaun, he's gonna do it...
(CobrA, done with taunting, makes the jump. He sails through the air...and it looks like it's a 450 SPLASH! He is going through the air......he's near the table....but JAIME MOVES! CobrA falls through the table! There's no way! Jaime Emo is the new HighFlyer champion and it looks like CobrA is injured!)
Shaun Andrews - JAIME! JAIME! JAIME! HE WON THE UNW HIGHFLYER TITLE!
Kurt Ross - That was a stupid mistake by CobrA. He took his time on that ladder, and by the time he knew it, Jaime was conscious and he moved away.
(We hear Jaime's theme "Questions" by Home Town Hero, playing in the background as Jaime gets his new HighFlyer title from Aaron Tolmsa. He raises it over his head, then drapes it over his shoulder. He walks out of the boiler room.)
Kurt Ross - What a match. If it weren't for reversals, CobrA would've won.
Segment 6:Commercials #3
Shaun Andrews - Well, anyway, UNW HighStakes is brought to you by Revolution Studios. Think you're the best? PROVE IT!
Kurt Ross - ...and by PRIDE FC for PlayStation 2. The most intense Mixed Martial Arts simulation ever made. Pride FC. Rated M for Mature.
Shaun Andrews - ...and also by our friends at The Technique! The Technique - For Your Entertainment. Visit them at www31.brinkster.com/thetechnique.
Kurt Ross - Next up, Barry White and ABK collide for the UNW #1 Contendership LIVE from...the parking lot?
Shaun Andrews - Hell yeah. Since those freaks from The Shok broke the ring earlier tonight, it looks like the last matches will be held backstage.
Match 4:BARRY WHITE vs. ANYBODY KILLAH
(#1 Contendership of the UNW Championship On The Line) Backstage - Parking Lot
Kurt Ross - Okay, fans, we have confirmation that these two men are already going at it in the parking garage. Let's go.
(We cut to the parking lot where the match is already going on. Barry White is taking control of ABK, whipping him into cars! ABK gets whipped into a 2001 Yellow Honda Civic. ABK's white facepaint with a new "slash" design is slowly degrading, even though the match had just started.)
Shaun Andrews - I thought Barry White was a LOVA, not a CAR BASHA!
Kurt Ross - I think he's more focused on winning the match then loving his ladies.
(Barry stops the "car-whipping" and leaves ABK on the ground. ABK is breathing heavily as Barry White prepares to lay an elbowdrop on him...NO! ABK moves out of the way when Barry lays the elbow. ABK has an advantage spot and takes care of it, getting up to his feet and stomping Barry White. Referee Richard Kahn pulls him away, though, and ABK is sent away from Barry. Barry gets up in about four seconds, though, and pounds ABK with a elbow to the chest.)
Kurt Ross - What is going on with Barry? Oh no...no...not...THE SHOK!!!!
(Suddenly, in the distance, we see The Shok walking to their Hummer. But, they stop and turn around to watch the match. Suddenly, Barry "accidently" hit the ref in the back of the head and Referee Richard Kahn falls down. Suddenly, Barry calls the men over! IS BARRY BEHIND THE SHOK?! The Shok walk over, and pick ABK off the ground with a double chokehold. The Shok, holding ABK up in the air, double chokeslam him onto the ground. We see a pool of blood appear behind ABK. It looks like ABK is unconscious. Suddenly, Barry White revives the ref and goes for the pin. ONE! TWO! THREE! Cheap victory by Barry White. But, it looks like The Shok isn't done yet. As Barry White celebrates, trying to pat Sekk on the back, Sekk looks over his shoulder, turns around, puts Barry White in a chokehold, leaves him in the air for about five seconds, and slams him right through a GMC Jimmy's roof! The car is totaled and Barry White looks injured as well. Still, Barry won the match and the #1 Contendership.)
Kurt Ross - This is just totally heinous! The Shok will destroy the UNW if no one stops them!
Shaun Andrews - I feel like I'm gonna puke, Kurt. The Shok are relentless, Kurt. They have to be stopped.
Segment 7: The Arrest...or is it?
(Suddenly, about twenty security guards surround The Shok and tackle them to the ground. One looks like a police officer. The officer tells the security guards to back off, and he tries to slip the cuffs on The Shok, who are on the ground. He puts two sets of cuffs on them, and then stands them up. Then, suddenly, a security guard takes their glasses off, and then it reveals that their eyes are WIDE OPEN. They are not out cold at all. Suddenly, Saex nods to Sekk, and they stretch their arms up. Suddenly, both sets cuffs break in half! The officer is stunned as The Shok turn toward him. Saex places the officer in a chokehold, raises him up for about six seconds, and runs toward a wall. When the wall approaches, he throws the officer THROUGH THE WALL! Sekk gets the Black Hummer again as The Shok speed off into the distance, and both are now wanted men. The hopeless security guards look at the hole in the wall, where the policeman landed, as we cut to the announcers.)
Kurt Ross - I am stunned. How could anyone, in the right mind, do that?
Shaun Andrews - I'm also shocked by The Shok. They can't be stopped. Who can stop them? I don't even know, Kurt Ross, and I probably never will.
Kurt Ross - Now, the rematch of rematches, Newton vs. Interogative...for the UNW Championship live from...THE RING!
Shaun Andrews - They fixed the ring? That's great, Kurt, now we can end the night in STYLE.
MAIN EVENT:INTEROGATIVE vs. DYNAMITE NEWTON
(UNW Championship Match)
(We go, finally, back to the arena. The ring has been fixed after the occurance with The Shok earlier in the event. Suddenly, "Gonna Fly Now" by Bill Conti breaks the silence. The fans cheer loudly as fireworks explode and as fog forms in the entranceway. Andy Mace gets on the microphone.)
Andy Mace - This is the MAIN EVENT of the evening. This match is scheduled for one fall and is for the UNW Championship! Now, coming to the ring, the challenger, from Harlem, New York, weighing at a monstrous 350 pounds, INTEROGATIVE!!!!!!
(The fans cheer as Joe Intero, AKA Interogative, steps out with his boxing robe on. He warms up, jumping around, and flexing muscles. Then, he punches straight up into the air and a whole entire row of fireworks blast out from behind him. Interogative steps down the ramp, down the aisle, and into the ring. He then jumps around a bit inside the ring, warming up. Then, suddenly, "Gonna Fly Now" fades out and "Criminal" by Eminem hits. The fans even go crazier this time around for the UNW Champion. Andy Mace goes on the P.A. system.)
Andy Mace - And now, coming to the ring, hailing from Newcastle-upon-Tyne, England, He is the UNW Champion, weighing in at 238 pounds, "The Future"...DYNAMITE NEWTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(The fans cheer as fog fills up the entranceway and Dynamite Newton steps out. The fans go nuts as he poses on the ramp. He then runs down the aisle, into the ring, and the match starts, as Interogative goes right on the attack.)
Shaun Andrews - Looks like Interogative is a little antsy tonight, Kurt.
(Interogative pounds Dynamite with boxing punches to the ropes. He ties up Newton and irish whips him, yet he doesn't let go of Newton's hand, and nails him with the "Kitchen Sink". A huge "SMACK" sound resonates throughout the arena as Newton falls to the canvas.)
Kurt Ross - KITCHEN SINK! Wow, it looks like Newton is hurt from that one!
(Interogative then waits for Newton to get up. It takes about three seconds for Newton to get up. Newton irish whips Interogative, lies on the mat, and Intero soon hops over him. Then, Newton follows him in with a huge powerslam into a pin. Referee Aaron Tolmsa counts. ONE! KICK-OUT!)
Kurt Ross - No chance there.
(Newton picks up Interogative and whips him to ringside. Newton follows him and referee Aaron Tolmsa starts the count. ONE! Dynamite Newton gets a chair from the crowd! Referee Aaron Tolmsa does not notice Newton bringing it into the ring. NO! He clocks Referee Aaron Tolmsa hard in the back of the head with it! Tolmsa is out. Interogative moves back into the ring as Newton and Intero battle with the chair. Newton swings the chair and nails Interogative right in the head. CRACK! The sound of the chair resonates. The crowd is not one-sided, but they know that Newton is cheating to win. Interogative falls to the mat and Newton revives the referee and makes him count. ONE!......................TWO!......THR-KICKOUT!!!!)
Kurt Ross - Interogative isn't out yet!
(Interogative gets up, but Newton punches him back down to one knee. Newton finally picks Interogative up...DYNAMITE SWEEP!!! That's the finisher! The fans are stunned by the action. Newton goes for the pin. ONE! TWO! THREE!!!!)
Kurt Ross - Newton wins it! But he...cheated...
Shaun Andrews - Who the hell cares, HE STILL WON IT. Newton is still the champ, hands down.
(Newton walks down the ramp with the title in his hand. He kisses it as he raises it up over his head. We fade out to black and we see this image:)
W A N T E D:
"THE SHOK"
IF ANY TRACES SEEN, CALL 1-800-UNW-1 NOW.
-NICKZ, OWNER.
LIVE on REVOLUTION STUDIOS' STV
From the UNW Arena in Orchard Park, New York
Segment 1: Who Are They?
(We are in the UNW Arena's parking garage, where several cars line the grey stucco walls. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a bright yellow hummer with a "Biohazard" sign on the hood breaks the silence. The windows are so tinted that we can hardly see who is driving the Hummer. We zoom in closer to the car as the cameraman's hand faintly shakes in the procedure. The car's decent into the garage comes to a coda as it pulls into a spot and the engine sound stops from it. Then, the driver and passenger step out simultaneously. We see, instantly, that these two men look the same...exactly the same. They have long, slicked back hair, a Piazza-style chin goatee which is thin at the top but is wider at the bottom, dark Oakley sunglasses, black trenchcoats, black leather pants, and yellow construction boots. They both carry one black and yellow gym bag each as they prepare to walk to the backstage hallway entrance, which is a good one minute walk from where the mysterious men stand. They start walking quite slowly, without an expression on their face. We follow their movement to the backstage hallway entrance. Without hesitation, the man to the ring opens the windowed door into the backstage entranceway. They proceed to walk again, turn a corner, and then bump into UNW Commissioner Jeffrey K. Davis. Jeffrey gets startled and instinctively begins to speak.)
Jeffrey K. Davis - Just who the hell are you guys? You're not members of the UNW E-Fed...why are you looking at eachother?
(The strange men simply look at eachother, nod, and double clothesline Jeffrey K. Davis and continue walking, still not talking or showing an expression. We pan back on Jeffrey K. Davis's face, and he is busted wide open. Blood covers his face and his white suit which is now soiled with his own Type-A blood. We pan right back to the two strange men who look like they have someone to see. They turn another corner, and stop at a door labeled "NickZ, UNW Owner". The man on the left hand side knocks on the door and they wait. There is no answer. The man on the right looks at the man on the left and points with his right hand to his left fist. The man on the left nods, and then punches a hole in the door. He pulls his arm out of the hole and cocks back his arm and punches the doorknob straight off its screws as it lands on the floor. The man on the left's hand is busted open, but he raises his bleeding knuckles to his mouth, sucks the blood and wipes the left-over blood on his trenchcoat. The man on the right pushes the door open. The lights are off, except for a faint light on the ceiling coming from a walk-in closet door. The two men continue walking, even though it is in the pitch black. The men continue walking, as the camera fades out as they approach the door. We hear a woman's scream and a voice.)
Voice - NICK. WE ARE HERE. YOU CAN'T ESCAPE THE SHOK.
(The lights turn back on and Nick is standing frantically in the doorway of the walk-in closet with his hair in a mess. He is wearing a black dress shirt with a UNW logo tie and black dress pants. His sleeves are uncuffed and it looks like he had just gotten out of a bad situation. The shocked UNW Owner begins to talk.)
NickZ - Wh...Who are you? And how the freaking hell did you get through the door??? Explain yourselves, or else I'm gonna have to bring all of security into this office to escort you out of the damn arena.
(The two men stand, emotionless, staring at Nick. The man at the left begins to speak.)
Man On Left - Nick. Sign us to a contract or you will pay...with your life.
(Nick almost laughs.)
NickZ - You have to be kidding me.
(The man on the right begins to talk.)
Man On Right - No. We are serious. You must sign us. Now. Or else...we have no choice.
(Nick, looking sick to his stomach, walks over to his desk, grabs two contracts, and puts them on the desk. He signs them and gives them to the two men.)
NickZ - Here. Now get out of my damn office.
(The men do not move. The man on the left begins to speak again.)
Man On Left - Wait, first you must know who we are, first. I am Sekk. The man next to me is Saex. We form The Shok. Tonight, we must face The Alaskan Warriors. Goodbye, NickZ.
(The two men turn around and walk out the door in synchronization. Nick hurries back into the walk-in closet as we fade out to the HighStakes intro.)
Segment 2:Introduction
I've Got The Key To Gramercy Park,
Where It's Safe To Be Afraid Of The Dark
After That We Can F*** By The Heavenly Stars
But I Might, Might Miss Breaking In Through The Bars
(The UNW HighStakes theme, "The Key To Gramercy Park", blares throughout the sold-out UNW Arena as the fans cheer loudly. The time has come for HighStakes! The rotating camera rig pans around the arena, looking at all the fans who are ready to make their television debuts. The UNW's hometown, Orchard Park, New York, is always ready for the UNW to show off their wrestling skills live on Revolution Studios' STV. The fans hold up various signs, including...)
BYE BYE NEWTON!
jaime rulz my heart!
Intero Can Bury Iraq with his Pinky Finger!
I still believe that Kurt Ross is Sexy!
(As we finish panning, we cut right to the announcers at their ringside booth, Kurt Ross and Shaun Andrews. Shaun is wearing a Tommy Vercetti-esque light blue hawaiian shirt, and Kurt Ross is wearing a UNW logo polo shirt.)
Kurt Ross - Fans, here tonight, it's the rematch of rematches! Interogative and Dynamite Newton are ready to have a impacting match tonight, and they are facing each other for the first time since The Barrster's Revenge on January 26th! This is Kurt Ross along with Shaun Andrews live from The UNW Arena in Orchard Park, New York! The fans here are always rowdy and tonight is no exception, Shaun.
Shaun Andrews - Yeah, Kurt, whatever, you dumbass, because you know that Shaun Andrews is the REAL star of this show! Let me tell you, Kurt, stop making a damn name for yourself because I say that Newton will win the match, hands down. Interogative has no chance after his loss way back in January.
Kurt Ross - Whatever, Shaun, you know that I like my wrestling, and all you like to do is BITCH! Now I'll have Nick have you fired and I can sit in the booth again with ALEX LORD, England's Best Export!!!
Shaun Andrews - NO! Anyone but him. When I left the UNW in 2001 to announce for the MWEF, and I tuned into the UNW, it sucked with him. His voice was annoying, his mannerisms were annoying, and simply put, the man sucked. So let's not do that.
Kurt Ross - Whatever, Shaun. Also, we have a first tonight. A triple table match! CobrA vs. Jaime Emo for the UNW HighFlyer title. Now, Shaun, what do you think of that?
Shaun Andrews - Hell yeah! Now, that's what I'm talking about. BLOOD AND GUTS! BLOOD AND GUTS!!!! YEAH!!! E-C-DUB...
Kurt Ross - WOAH, wrong federation, there, Shaun.
Shaun Andrews - I know, but I still wanna see some blood and some guts. Maybe a little blood and a lot of guts, maybe a lot of blood and a little guts. Heh, you know what, Kurt? I'd like to see YOUR fat ass's blood and guts all over the mat!
Kurt Ross - Oh, great, now this again.
Shaun Andrews - Whatsa matter, can't take a joke?!
Kurt Ross - No, unfortunately.
(Shaun pauses for a few seconds, then starts speaking again.)
Shaun Andrews - Well, Kurt, a little off the topic right now, but Happy Valentines day...even though no woman would ever love YOU. They all want ME.
Kurt Ross - *sigh* Well, YOU are acting narcissitic tonight, Shaun.
Shaun Andrews - I always act narcissitic, Kurt.
Kurt Ross - Forget it, Shaun. Let's go to the ring for our first match of the night.
Shaun Andrews - Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go!
Kurt Ross - We don't quote hopeless overactive bladder commercials here, Shaun.
Shaun Andrews - Sorry, Mr. Senseless. Anyhoo, let's go to the ring.
(We go the entranceway as a theme starts and we get ready for UNW HighStakes.)
Match 1:CHAOS vs. DREW POTTER
(The HighStakes theme fades out, and suddenly, "Lapdance" by N.E.R.D. hits. White strobe lights in the entranceway pulsate as Andy Mace, the UNW's ring announcer, gets on the microphone.)
Andy Mace - This match is a scheduled one fall contest. Coming out first, from Deltona, Florida, weighing in at an even 246 pounds, MAKING HIS UNW DEBUT, DREW POTTER!
(Instantly after Andy Mace makes his introduction, a man with black JNCO jeans with pulled up boxers steps out, he is newcomer Drew Potter. He pumps his right fist as he runs down the aisle and the ramp, and slides into the ring, rotating his body ninety degrees in the process. He gets up from his slide and jumps onto the top rope and pumps his right fist once again. The crowd remains neutral. He jumps down and settles in the right corner of the ring.)
Kurt Ross - Here's Drew Potter making his UNW debut! This young man looks promising, Shaun, and as we all know, you love young talent.
Shaun Andrews - Damn right I do! Potter looks like he can make an impact in the UNW if he can get the best spots possible from his opponent.
("Lapdance" fades out and suddenly "Body Crumbles" by Dry Cell hits. The fans cheer as yellow lights appear in the entranceway. We go back to Andy Mace.)
Andy Mace - Now coming to the ring, the opponent, from Landover, Maryland, weighing 214 pounds, CHAOS!!!!!
(The fans cheer as Chaos lurks out from the backstage area. His blonde hair is slicked back and he is wearing a white, sweat-stained tanktop and cut-off denim shorts. He appears on the stage, and slowly raises one arm up. A blast of fireworks comes out from behind him. He then raises his other arm up slowly and another blast happens from behind him. He holds his arms in the air for a few seconds, then lets them go and the pyrotechnics stop from behind him. He then looks into the camera and trashtalks about his upcoming match into the camera. The camera follows him, walking down the ramp, then into the aisleway. He finally goes up the steel steps, and goes into the ring. He poses to the fans by pointing and trash talking to Drew Potter, who is still waiting in the corner.)
Shaun Andrews - CHAOS! The master of trashtalk is back!
Kurt Ross - Shaun, it looks like his popularity is rising as well because of that trashtalk.
Shaun Andrews - It's not a unique style, though, because I used it first! Haha! He's such a poser...OK, Kurt, I'll be quiet, you look offended.
Kurt Ross - I am offended at your narcissistic comments tonight.
Shaun Andrews - Hey, I am what makes this show what it is, Kurt, not you, OK? Face the music.
("Body Crumbles" fades out as the house lights turn on and the referee, Aaron Tolmsa, calls for the bell. At the bell, the men circle the ring for a while. Suddenly, they both move closer and go for a tie up.)
Kurt Ross - They lock up...
(From the tie-up, Chaos irish whips Drew Potter into the ropes. Chaos ducks down and lies on the mat, and Drew Potter skips over him. Chaos gets up as Potter runs into the adjacent ropes. Potter runs into Chaos and grapples him for what seems like a monkey toss, but before Potter can lift him up, Chaos moves out of the move by sticking his arm up over the lifting arm of Drew. Chaos spins around and hits Potter with a well-placed Monkey Toss, sending Drew Potter down to the mat. On impact, Potter shouts in pain.)
Shaun Andrews - Hey, Kurt, who gave the Monkey Toss its name?
Kurt Ross - I don't know, don't ask me that.
Shaun Andrews - Well, you should know, because you're the only one I can ask!
Kurt Ross - I don't know, OK, just face it, Shaun.
Shaun Andrews - Whatever...
(As Potter lies on the mat, Chaos slithers back into the corner he started out in. The camera focuses on his face, which looks cocky. Potter gets to his hands and knees, when, suddenly, Chaos thrusts himself out of the corner using both top ropes, and hits Potter with a cheap knee to the head. Potter yelps in pain. Chaos kneels down, looks into Potter's eyes, and says "WELCOME TO THE UNW, CHUMP" and spits in Potter's face. He slams Potter's head into the mat as he proceeds to his corner again.)
Kurt Ross - How indignant is Chaos to do that? That's just inhumane for a person of his stature.
Shaun Andrews - Next time, Kurt, speak in plain English when you comment, okay? Then Mr. Hillbilly living in the trailer park can understand you.
(Potter is slow to get up. He shakes it off and sucks it up as the two men circle the ring and tie up. The tie-up doesn't last long, though, because Potter kicks Chaos in the gut, grabs his head, and slams Chaos down head first with a perfectly-spotted DDT. The fans react greatly as Potter gets himself up from the execution and quickly stomps on the downed Chaos's spinal area once, twice, three times. Potter then grapples Chaos by the head and ties him up with Chaos's head between his legs. He falls backwards and keeps Chaos's legs up for a pulling piledriver.)
Kurt Ross - Pulling piledriver! Great execution on the part of Drew Potter.
(Chaos is knocked out on the mat as Drew Potter goes to the top rope. He waits for Chaos to get up. Soon enough, Chaos pulls himself to a standing position using the ropes. He doesn't notice that Potter is on the top rope, and instantly, when Chaos turns around to face Potter, Potter jumps down from the top rope with a diving spear which knocks Chaos senseless. Then, Potter gets up, and stomps on Chaos once again. Referee Aaron Tolmsa gets in Potter's way and after four stomps, tells Drew to back off and to move back to his corner and let Chaos get back up. He stops the stomping and moves away, circling the ring, waiting for Chaos to get up again. Chaos gets up in about a matter of seven seconds. The two men stare face to face in the middle of the ring, and then Chaos pushes Potter away in cockiness. Potter tries to run back to Chaos with a clothesline after the push, but gets countered with a powerslam down to the mat. Chaos is back in it.)
Shaun Andrews - Looks like Chaos still has something left in him, Kurt!
(Chaos taunts for Drew Potter to get up. Potter does not get up. Finally, Chaos picks Potter up by his neck and delivers a overhand chop. He then irish whips Potter into the ropes and when Potter crosses mid-ring, Chaos uses a huge dropkick to send Potter to the canvas. Chaos gets up instantly and signals for his finisher, the Lockjaw Driver.)
Kurt Ross - It's Lockjaw Driver time!
Shaun Andrews - No s***, Kurt.
Kurt Ross - I hope our censors bleeped that one out.
(Chaos waits for Potter, once again, to get up, and then ties him up. Then, Chaos kicks out of the tieup, places Potter's head between his legs, lifts him up, and comes down with a mixture of a stunner/piledriver called the Lockjaw Driver! That's Chaos's finishing move. The fans cheer. It's all over as Chaos goes for the pin, hooking the leg. Referee Aaron Tolmsa slides and makes the count. ONE! TWO! THREE! The bell rings as the match comes to a close and "Body Crumbles" by Dry Cell hits again and the fans go ballistic as Andy Mace announces the winner.)
Andy Mace - Your winner, CHAOS!!!!!!!
(Chaos has his arm raised by Referee Aaron Tolmsa as he exits the ring.)
Shaun Andrews - Chaos was like a raging bull there, Kurt. Like Robert DeNiro in that movie. Great movie, rent it at your local Blockbuster. Anyway, Chaos got beat around, but he came back in no time to end this match. BOOM.
Kurt Ross - Shaun, for some reason you remind me of a few people.
Shaun Andrews - Oh yeah? Who?
Kurt Ross - Those annoying old guys in the box on The Muppet Show.
Shaun Andrews - Oh yeah? Those guys were my IDOLS when that show was on!
Kurt Ross - No wonder you're so annoying.
Shaun Andrews - OK, Kurt. Anyway, fans, we'll be right back with the debut of THE SHOK.
Kurt Ross - Hey, that was my line.
Shaun Andrews - You bastard, no, that was my line...
(We fade to a commercial break.)
Segment 3:Commercials #1
COMMERCIAL ONE:
Revolution Studios.
You think you're #1? Let's see what you can do, buddy boy.
With our Neilson Rating system, your fed's cards will be inspected by us and either be worthy or wothless.
SO, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
GET UP OFF YOUR ASS AND PROVE TO THE WORLD HOW GOOD YOU ARE.
revolutionSTUDIOS
Think you're #1? Prove it.
COMMERCIAL TWO:
The biggest wrestling album of the year! Featuring artists like Pink Floyd, Big Tymers featuring Barry White, Static X, Home Town Hero, Dry Cell, Sean Paul, and much more!
...
UNW LIGHTNING
COMING SOON TO A STORE NEAR YOU!
Segment 4: Concerned About The Future
(The fans are silent. Then, a deep voice says "Team Carkus" on the P.A. system, and then, with a blast of fireworks, "By The Time I Get To Arizona" by Public Enemy plays and the crowd goes absolutely nuts. Strobe lights pulsate as Carkus2000 steps out with a personalized CARKUS #00 Buffalo Bills jersey. Carkus struts down the aisle and poses to the fans while stutting. He then goes into the ring and grabs a microphone.)
Carkus2000 - First and foremost, I'd like to thank the people. They've been with the UNW through the hard times with blueTV cancelling us, we have a new group backing us up, and that's REVOLUTION STUDIOS. I'd like to thank Cellrock and the guys over there for taking the UNW through that dark age. Well, now on to my main focus. Tonight, Newton and Interogative collide. I don't care about that a bit. What I care about is the future of one of the biggest UNW stars ever. His name is....SALVATORE!!!!
(The fans cheer as "Luna Mezzo Mare" by Lou Monte plays and Salvatore steps out in a shrowd of red fireworks. He walks down the ramp and then slaps hands with a few of the fans on both sides of the entranceway. He then rolls into the ring and grabs the microphone tossed to him by the timekeeper, Mr. Hansonki. "Luna Mezzo Mare" fades out as the fans await Salvatore's catchphrase.)
Salvatore - ...HOME OF THE QUAKERS, HOME OF THE BUFFALO BILL, THE FANS PAY THE MONEY AND I MAKE THE SEATS FILL!
(The fans go crazy as Salvatore and Carkus2000 stand next to eachother in the ring. Salvatore lifts the microphone to his lips.)
Salvatore - You know, Carkus was right. I ain't doin' nothing. Nick's so preoccupied with his puny little Team Regime that he ain't payin' attention to mio. I say that on Rush, this Monday, I have a shot at Newton. Carkus, what about it.
(Salvatore looks at Carkus inquisitively and he smiles in response.)
Carkus2000 - Of course you are. That means, On Rush, it is official that it will be Salvatore vs. Newton. But it won't be any regular match. It'll be a....H*** IN A C***!!!
(The fans cheer, but suddenly, the cheering is broken up. "Cochise" by Audioslave plays on the P.A. system as the fans start to boo loudly and NickZ appears on the stage with a microphone, looking quite mad. He gives the 'cut' sign and "Cochise" cuts. He begins to speak.)
NickZ - WAIT, WAIT. CARKUS, YOU CAN'T MAKE MATCHES OUT OF NOWHERE WITHOUT NOTIFYING ME OR JEFFREY K. DAVIS FIRST. THAT MATCH WILL NOT HAPPEN, AND THAT'S FINAL. Now, get out of my ring before I have security take you out. NOW!
(The fans boo as "Cochise" by Audioslave hits as Nick leaves first. Then, after a couple seconds, Salvatore and Carkus follow.)
Shaun Andrews - Don't you just love Nick? He's such a positive role model.
Kurt Ross - No, I don't think he is. Actually, I'm afraid what's going on in his mind right now since The Shok threatened to kill him earlier tonight.
Shaun Andrews - Well, speaking of The Shok, their debut match is next! Let's get down to the damn ring...NOW! Damn, I wish I had power like Nick does. Then I'd fire you and bring back Joe Payne.
Match 2:THE SHOK vs. THE ALASKAN WARRIORS
(Suddenly, the lights in the arena shut off except for yellow lights in the entranceway as the intro to "Do You Call My Name" by RA hits. The intro is full of tablas and oriental instruments. Finally, the intro ends and then, yellow lights come on across the arena, pulsating on and off. Thick fog spouts from the entranceway as the two men, Sekk and Saex, come out. They are humongous, about 7'4" tall. They wear a black singlet with yellow designs on it, and the same Oakley sunglasses as before. They raise their arms up as Andy Mace announces.)
Andy Mace - This tag-team contest is scheduled for one fall. Coming to the ring, from Parts Unknown, weighing in at a amazing combined weight of 987 pounds, SEKK! SAEX! THE SHOK!!!!!!
(The fans remain neutral as these two dangerous men walk down the ramp, down the aisleway, and step over the ropes, into the ring ALL IN SYNCHRONIZATION. They go into the ring and take off their dark Oakley sunglasses. Their eyes look psychotic. Sekk has un-natural green eyes and Saex has un-natural yellow eyes. They stand in the corner, staring at the entranceway for The Alaskan Warriors to come out.)
Kurt Ross - Those two men are the most hideous looking human beings I have ever seen in my life, Shaun.
Shaun Andrews - For the first time, Kurt, I have to agree with you on this one. They look freakin' ugly!!
(Suddenly, "Do You Call My Name" fades out and "Lose Yourself" by Eminem hits. The fans remain neutral as The Alaskan Warriors step out of the entranceway and onto the stage. Andy Mace announces their entry.)
Andy Mace - And their opponents, from Anchorage, Alaska, at a combined weight of 976 pounds, Iceberg, Glacier, THE ALASKAN WARRIORS!!!
(The Alaskan Warriors pose for the fans on the stage, and then they proceed down the ramp. They wear camo tights as they have always done. They walk down the ramp, into the aisleway, and climb up the steel steps to go into the ring. They settle in their corner.)
Shaun Andrews - Ah...those Damn Alaskans are back!
Kurt Ross - Yes, Shaun, they are back, and they are ready for action tonight!
(Referee Aaron Tolmsa signals for the bell and the bell rings. Sekk of The Shok and Iceberg of The Alaskan Warriors start out the match. Sekk walks slowly toward Iceberg, who is about half as short as Sekk. Sekk then, without hesitation, gets Iceberg in a chokehold and lifts him up. Sekk then jumps and chokeslams Iceberg clear out of the ring! Our cameras follow Iceberg and it looks like he is cold dead when he falls down on impact to the outside. Saex drops down from the ring apron and irish whips Iceberg into the ring. Saex then comes into the ring. Iceberg is still out cold. Sekk gets Iceberg in a chokehold once again, and we can see Iceberg's face reddening by the instant. Sekk nods to Saex. Sekk lifts Iceberg up, and then Saex stands by Iceberg's head. Here it comes! Iceberg comes halfway down with another giant chokeslam, and then, suddenly Saex grabs his head and DDT's Iceberg's head straight into the mat!)
Shaun Andrews - Oh, God, there is no way...
Kurt Ross - OH MY GOD...THIS IS HORRIBLE! ICEBERG IS NOW INSIDE THE MAT!
(Referee Aaron Tolmsa calls for the bell and disqualifies The Shok because of that dangerous Chokeslam DDT right into the mat. The fans are booing The Shok loudly as Andy Mace goes on the P.A.)
Andy Mace - Ladies and Gentlemen, the winners by disqualification, THE ALASKAN WARRIORS!
(Suddenly, Saex grabs Glacier, the other Alaskan Warrior, from the apron and gives him a full nelson slam right through the ring as well! The fans are now throwing garbage at The Shok, anything they can. "Do You Call My Name" by RA hits again as The Shok leave the ring and approach the entranceway as the fans boo them loudly.)
Kurt Ross - That has to be the quickest, and most disturbing match in UNW history.
Shaun Andrews - I agree 100% with you, Kurt. These guys must be stopped.
Kurt Ross - I don't think anyone in the UNW can stop these guys!!! This is gonna be hell for the UNW when Sekk and Saex step into the ring.
Shaun Andrews - The only thing I'm worried about is the ring. Are the rest of the matches tonight gonna take place backstage? That's for Nick to decide.
Kurt Ross - Well, anyway, there are three more matches tonight, there was going to be four more matches, but I have heard, because of the ring's condition, the fourth isn't gonna happen tonight. We're awaiting the announcement from NickZ about the situation with the rest of the matches tonight....OK...here he is.
(We cut to the V.I.P. Room, where NickZ is sitting at his desk.)
NickZ - I am sorry fans, but the ring has been broken by The Shok. Tonight, the rest of the matches will be backstage. Thank you and have a nice HighStakes...without the ring...DAMMIT! TURN THAT DAMN CAMERA OFF!
(We cut back to the announcers.)
Kurt Ross - Tonight, fans, the rest of the matches will be held backstage, so anything goes. NEXT, it's the TRIPLE TABLE MATCH for the HighFlyer title up next on HighStakes!
Shaun Andrews - BLOOD AND GUTS! YEAH! Kurt, the match will be good. I am sure of it, unlike YOU. So, fans, next, it's the first ever Triple Table Match in UNW History!!!
Segment 5:Commercial Break #2
COMMERCIAL 3:
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FOR YOUR ENTERTAINENT
DVD - GAMES - E-FEDS
www31.brinkster.com/thetechnique/
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Match 3:COBRA vs. JAIME EMO (UNW HighFlyer Title On The Line)
BACKSTAGE - TRIPLE TABLE MATCH
Kurt Ross - We have been told that both men are backstage already and the three tables have been set up. Let's go there now.
(We cut to the backstage area where the referee signals for the bell and it rings. Jaime Emo, who is wearing baggy blue camo pants and has died his hair pure blue, and CobrA, who is the UNW HighFlyer Champion, who is wearing a plaid vest and cutoff jean shorts, are ready to fight. The three tables are spread out throughout the UNW Arena lobby where they are fighting. The match has started. CobrA and Jaime Emo stare eachother down, and then Jaime starts the match with a hard punch to the ribs of CobrA. They tie up and Jaime hits a front-layout vertical suplex on CobrA right off the bat, sending CobrA to the hard concrete. CobrA grunts as he makes contact with the ground. Jaime Emo picks up CobrA by his neck and sets him up with a hard punch to the forehead. Then another and then another, until Referee Aaron Tolmsa tells them to separate. Jaime Emo does not follow the ref's orders and Aaron Tolmsa pulls him away from CobrA. This sets up a good situation for CobrA, as he is still standing.)
Kurt Ross - Jaime Emo is targeting CobrA's head, for some odd reason...Shaun, why is this happening?
Shaun Andrews - Why is this happening?! Who do you think I am, God? So I can tell you why things happen and why? Kurt, you stupid fool, don't ask me such bullsh**.
(The match continues as CobrA and Jaime Emo circle eachother and they tie up. CobrA wins this tie-up, as he places Jaime in a hammerlock. Jaime is yelping for pain. After about twelve seconds, CobrA lets Jaime go and drop to the floor. CobrA moves toward the first table, which lies in the northeastern corner of the lobby.)
Shaun Andrews - Here we go, CobrA, get that damn table!!!
(CobrA places the table straight in the corner, so it is tilted in a vertical manner. CobrA awaits Jaime's ascent to his feet. Jaime pushes himself up in about a couple seconds. CobrA and Jaime tie up once again, and CobrA looks to irish whip Jaime right into the first table. Here we go...Irish Whip...but Jaime Emo reverses it into an inverted head-first whip, sending CobrA head first into the table! The table breaks with a large crack and CobrA falls to the ground, yelping in pain. Jaime pumps his fists as we hear the crowd in the background, picked up from Kurt and Shaun's microphone's, cheering loudly. CobrA shakes it off instantly, and gets back up, runs toward Jaime Emo, and Thesz Presses him! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven punches are thrown, and then Aaron Tolmsa tells CobrA to back off.)
Kurt Ross - The tables have turned!
Shaun Andrews - Literally! BLOOD AND GUTS!
Kurt Ross - What's your obsession with Blood and Guts all of a sudden?
Shaun Andrews - I have no clue. Really, I don't. After all, I'm being fed...
Kurt Ross - Fed what?
Shaun Andrews - Oh you know, my...you know...
Kurt Ross - SHAUN!
Shaun Andrews - Kurt, I have to be honest when I tell the people I get my lines fed...OOPS! Sorry, fans....you didn't hear that conversation. Back to the match.
(CobrA gets the other table ready, a few feet away from where Jaime Emo is recovering from the Thesz Press. CobrA is taunting Jaime Emo to "get up". Jaime is not getting up, he is still struggling. Finally, CobrA gives up and picks Jaime Emo up for a scoop slam. He tries to scoop slam Jaime, but Jaime reverses it into The EmoTion, his finisher, right through the table...NO! CobrA reverses the EmoTion right into a german suplex before he hits the table...and with this German Suplex, Jaime goes right through Table #2. So it's 1 to 1. The last table will have to determine who wins.)
Kurt Ross - This is a close match, Shaun, two tables have been used, and now the third one only remains!
Shaun Andrews - Three words, man, Bl....
(Shaun gets interrupted.)
Kurt Ross - I know, I know, Blood and Guts.
(Jaime gets up. Apparently, that last move busted him right open. He is bleeding all over. His face is covered with drips of red. This is crunch time for Jaime and CobrA, as the last table will seperate who wins from who loses. CobrA gets things going with a punch, but Jaime blocks it and delivers two punches of his own to CobrA's body. CobrA is reeling and is in a ducking position. Jaime cheapshots CobrA with a knee right to the head and CobrA falls to the pavement on his back. Jaime drags out Table #3 right near an area marked off by yellow tape with a ladder next to it for maintenance purposes. Jaime notices the ladder, moves it toward the table, and smirks.)
Shaun Andrews - A LADDER! Where the hell did that come from, all of a sudden?! I smell T.R.O.U.B.L.E. right now, and no, I ain't Travis Tritt.
Kurt Ross - With your Texas accent, you sound just like him, Shaun, hahahaha!
Shaun Andrews - Don't make fun of the accent. DEFINITELY do NOT make fun of the accent or I will kick your ass.
Kurt Ross - Whatever you say there, buddy boy.
(CobrA gets up from the ground. The two men exchange punches. Right hand by Emo. Left hand by CobrA. Right by Emo again. Left by CobrA, once again. Right hand...blocked by CobrA! They lock up and CobrA hits a vicious belly to belly on Jaime! Jaime Emo looks like he is out cold, but CobrA picks him up, and lays him on the table gently. He walks toward the ladder.)
Kurt Ross - What's gonna happen here? CobrA looks like he's gonna retain his title!
(The ladder is approximately 15 feet tall. CobrA begins his ascent. He steps up rung one, rung two, rung three, rung four, rung five, rung six...we watch him ascend to the top of the ladder. He stands on the metallic piece on top and taunts Jaime with a thumbs down.)
Shaun Andrews - It's gonna be a long fall, CobrA!!! NO! DON'T DO IT!
Kurt Ross - Shaun, he's gonna do it...
(CobrA, done with taunting, makes the jump. He sails through the air...and it looks like it's a 450 SPLASH! He is going through the air......he's near the table....but JAIME MOVES! CobrA falls through the table! There's no way! Jaime Emo is the new HighFlyer champion and it looks like CobrA is injured!)
Shaun Andrews - JAIME! JAIME! JAIME! HE WON THE UNW HIGHFLYER TITLE!
Kurt Ross - That was a stupid mistake by CobrA. He took his time on that ladder, and by the time he knew it, Jaime was conscious and he moved away.
(We hear Jaime's theme "Questions" by Home Town Hero, playing in the background as Jaime gets his new HighFlyer title from Aaron Tolmsa. He raises it over his head, then drapes it over his shoulder. He walks out of the boiler room.)
Kurt Ross - What a match. If it weren't for reversals, CobrA would've won.
Segment 6:Commercials #3
Shaun Andrews - Well, anyway, UNW HighStakes is brought to you by Revolution Studios. Think you're the best? PROVE IT!
Kurt Ross - ...and by PRIDE FC for PlayStation 2. The most intense Mixed Martial Arts simulation ever made. Pride FC. Rated M for Mature.
Shaun Andrews - ...and also by our friends at The Technique! The Technique - For Your Entertainment. Visit them at www31.brinkster.com/thetechnique.
Kurt Ross - Next up, Barry White and ABK collide for the UNW #1 Contendership LIVE from...the parking lot?
Shaun Andrews - Hell yeah. Since those freaks from The Shok broke the ring earlier tonight, it looks like the last matches will be held backstage.
Match 4:BARRY WHITE vs. ANYBODY KILLAH
(#1 Contendership of the UNW Championship On The Line) Backstage - Parking Lot
Kurt Ross - Okay, fans, we have confirmation that these two men are already going at it in the parking garage. Let's go.
(We cut to the parking lot where the match is already going on. Barry White is taking control of ABK, whipping him into cars! ABK gets whipped into a 2001 Yellow Honda Civic. ABK's white facepaint with a new "slash" design is slowly degrading, even though the match had just started.)
Shaun Andrews - I thought Barry White was a LOVA, not a CAR BASHA!
Kurt Ross - I think he's more focused on winning the match then loving his ladies.
(Barry stops the "car-whipping" and leaves ABK on the ground. ABK is breathing heavily as Barry White prepares to lay an elbowdrop on him...NO! ABK moves out of the way when Barry lays the elbow. ABK has an advantage spot and takes care of it, getting up to his feet and stomping Barry White. Referee Richard Kahn pulls him away, though, and ABK is sent away from Barry. Barry gets up in about four seconds, though, and pounds ABK with a elbow to the chest.)
Kurt Ross - What is going on with Barry? Oh no...no...not...THE SHOK!!!!
(Suddenly, in the distance, we see The Shok walking to their Hummer. But, they stop and turn around to watch the match. Suddenly, Barry "accidently" hit the ref in the back of the head and Referee Richard Kahn falls down. Suddenly, Barry calls the men over! IS BARRY BEHIND THE SHOK?! The Shok walk over, and pick ABK off the ground with a double chokehold. The Shok, holding ABK up in the air, double chokeslam him onto the ground. We see a pool of blood appear behind ABK. It looks like ABK is unconscious. Suddenly, Barry White revives the ref and goes for the pin. ONE! TWO! THREE! Cheap victory by Barry White. But, it looks like The Shok isn't done yet. As Barry White celebrates, trying to pat Sekk on the back, Sekk looks over his shoulder, turns around, puts Barry White in a chokehold, leaves him in the air for about five seconds, and slams him right through a GMC Jimmy's roof! The car is totaled and Barry White looks injured as well. Still, Barry won the match and the #1 Contendership.)
Kurt Ross - This is just totally heinous! The Shok will destroy the UNW if no one stops them!
Shaun Andrews - I feel like I'm gonna puke, Kurt. The Shok are relentless, Kurt. They have to be stopped.
Segment 7: The Arrest...or is it?
(Suddenly, about twenty security guards surround The Shok and tackle them to the ground. One looks like a police officer. The officer tells the security guards to back off, and he tries to slip the cuffs on The Shok, who are on the ground. He puts two sets of cuffs on them, and then stands them up. Then, suddenly, a security guard takes their glasses off, and then it reveals that their eyes are WIDE OPEN. They are not out cold at all. Suddenly, Saex nods to Sekk, and they stretch their arms up. Suddenly, both sets cuffs break in half! The officer is stunned as The Shok turn toward him. Saex places the officer in a chokehold, raises him up for about six seconds, and runs toward a wall. When the wall approaches, he throws the officer THROUGH THE WALL! Sekk gets the Black Hummer again as The Shok speed off into the distance, and both are now wanted men. The hopeless security guards look at the hole in the wall, where the policeman landed, as we cut to the announcers.)
Kurt Ross - I am stunned. How could anyone, in the right mind, do that?
Shaun Andrews - I'm also shocked by The Shok. They can't be stopped. Who can stop them? I don't even know, Kurt Ross, and I probably never will.
Kurt Ross - Now, the rematch of rematches, Newton vs. Interogative...for the UNW Championship live from...THE RING!
Shaun Andrews - They fixed the ring? That's great, Kurt, now we can end the night in STYLE.
MAIN EVENT:INTEROGATIVE vs. DYNAMITE NEWTON
(UNW Championship Match)
(We go, finally, back to the arena. The ring has been fixed after the occurance with The Shok earlier in the event. Suddenly, "Gonna Fly Now" by Bill Conti breaks the silence. The fans cheer loudly as fireworks explode and as fog forms in the entranceway. Andy Mace gets on the microphone.)
Andy Mace - This is the MAIN EVENT of the evening. This match is scheduled for one fall and is for the UNW Championship! Now, coming to the ring, the challenger, from Harlem, New York, weighing at a monstrous 350 pounds, INTEROGATIVE!!!!!!
(The fans cheer as Joe Intero, AKA Interogative, steps out with his boxing robe on. He warms up, jumping around, and flexing muscles. Then, he punches straight up into the air and a whole entire row of fireworks blast out from behind him. Interogative steps down the ramp, down the aisle, and into the ring. He then jumps around a bit inside the ring, warming up. Then, suddenly, "Gonna Fly Now" fades out and "Criminal" by Eminem hits. The fans even go crazier this time around for the UNW Champion. Andy Mace goes on the P.A. system.)
Andy Mace - And now, coming to the ring, hailing from Newcastle-upon-Tyne, England, He is the UNW Champion, weighing in at 238 pounds, "The Future"...DYNAMITE NEWTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(The fans cheer as fog fills up the entranceway and Dynamite Newton steps out. The fans go nuts as he poses on the ramp. He then runs down the aisle, into the ring, and the match starts, as Interogative goes right on the attack.)
Shaun Andrews - Looks like Interogative is a little antsy tonight, Kurt.
(Interogative pounds Dynamite with boxing punches to the ropes. He ties up Newton and irish whips him, yet he doesn't let go of Newton's hand, and nails him with the "Kitchen Sink". A huge "SMACK" sound resonates throughout the arena as Newton falls to the canvas.)
Kurt Ross - KITCHEN SINK! Wow, it looks like Newton is hurt from that one!
(Interogative then waits for Newton to get up. It takes about three seconds for Newton to get up. Newton irish whips Interogative, lies on the mat, and Intero soon hops over him. Then, Newton follows him in with a huge powerslam into a pin. Referee Aaron Tolmsa counts. ONE! KICK-OUT!)
Kurt Ross - No chance there.
(Newton picks up Interogative and whips him to ringside. Newton follows him and referee Aaron Tolmsa starts the count. ONE! Dynamite Newton gets a chair from the crowd! Referee Aaron Tolmsa does not notice Newton bringing it into the ring. NO! He clocks Referee Aaron Tolmsa hard in the back of the head with it! Tolmsa is out. Interogative moves back into the ring as Newton and Intero battle with the chair. Newton swings the chair and nails Interogative right in the head. CRACK! The sound of the chair resonates. The crowd is not one-sided, but they know that Newton is cheating to win. Interogative falls to the mat and Newton revives the referee and makes him count. ONE!......................TWO!......THR-KICKOUT!!!!)
Kurt Ross - Interogative isn't out yet!
(Interogative gets up, but Newton punches him back down to one knee. Newton finally picks Interogative up...DYNAMITE SWEEP!!! That's the finisher! The fans are stunned by the action. Newton goes for the pin. ONE! TWO! THREE!!!!)
Kurt Ross - Newton wins it! But he...cheated...
Shaun Andrews - Who the hell cares, HE STILL WON IT. Newton is still the champ, hands down.
(Newton walks down the ramp with the title in his hand. He kisses it as he raises it up over his head. We fade out to black and we see this image:)
W A N T E D:
"THE SHOK"
IF ANY TRACES SEEN, CALL 1-800-UNW-1 NOW.
-NICKZ, OWNER.